Movie Review The Expendables

The Expendables (2010) 

Directed by Sylvester Stallone

Written by David Callaham, Sylvester Stallone 

Starring Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Stone Cold Steve Austin

Release Date August 13th, 2010 

Published August 12th, 2010

Take your hands and press them against the sides of your head. Now, hold them there and press as hard as you can. Stay that way for the next 103 minutes and you will have an equivalent experience to having seen “The Expendables,” Sylvester Stallone's latest desperate attempt to remain relevant.

”The Expendables” stars Stallone alongside a rogue’s gallery of has-beens, wannabes, never-wears and Oscar nominee Mickey Rourke lending his rediscovered cool to the proceedings. The has beens include Jason Statham and Jet Li as Christmas and Yang, two of Stallone's, aka Barney, fellow mercenaries for hire, former military specialists now available to the highest bidder.

Also on the team UFC champion Randy Couture, former NFL player Terry Crews and sad, pathetic former B-movie star Dolph Lundgren. Together this ragtag band is off to some unknown isle to battle today's bad guy du jour, the rogue CIA agent. This time he's played by Eric Roberts in fine high camp form.

Stallone wrote, directed and stars in “The Expendables'' and much like his previous auteurist efforts like “Rocky ..2”.. through infinity and the recent “Rambo'' reboot, “The Expendables'' has flashes of inspiration but is mostly amateurish, off key and gut punching loud and violent. Clearly, this won't be an issue for the core of Stallone's audience, those already punch-drunk from months of UFC pay per views and neck vein popping work outs. For those seeking coherence or a story The Expendables is torturous. Call it water-boarding for the soul. 

There are times when “The Expendables” feels as if it is pummeling the audience's visual and auditory fists. Stallone and his editing team cut “The Expendables” in a fashion that will spin the heads of even the most cut friendly music video directors. Fight scenes are placed in a blender with images so randomly thrust forward it's impossible to tell whose head is being busted. 

This likely helped the aging cast look a little sprayer; Mr. Statham is the only member of the male cast under the age of 40. I say male cast rather unnecessarily as Charisma Carpenter and Giselle Itie are the only female cast members but neither is nothing more than a minor damsel in distress subplot. 

When “The Expendables” slows down for moments of dialogue the editing remains front and center thanks to Sly's bizarre angles; he really thinks angling off of mirrors is clever direction. If you manage to not be distracted by the editing be prepared for nonsense dialogue meant to make the characters seem quirky, instead it just makes the whole movie flaky and cheese ridden. 

I would love to say that you could enjoy “The Expendables” on a camp level, especially the scene featuring Stallone hanging off the side of a sea plane on take off in fine physics defying fashion, but sadly the whole of “The Expendables” is too harsh for any enjoyment to escape.

Even “The Expendables” centerpiece bit of camp, Stallone uniting his old Planet Hollywood pals Bruce Willis and Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, falls flat because  of Stallone's bizarre direction. Through odd camera angles and strange cuts it's impossible to tell if Schwarzenegger, Willis and Stallone were ever actually on screen at the same time. Willis and Stallone are in frame together briefly and Stallone and Schwarzenegger are as well but never all three unless Stallone's editing team was truly so horrible that they cut the three shots, that's possible.

What's more likely is that this meeting of the action hero minds never happened and was faked in the editing. To be fair, it was a cheap ploy anyway, hard to criticize it for that. Still, it's disappointing, especially when seeing Stallone, Schwarzenegger and Willis together on screen, even for 2 or 3 minutes of mindless exposition, was the one minor pleasure that might have escaped the dreariness that is “The Expendables.”

Movie Review: The Sorcerer's Apprentice

The Sorcerer's Apprentice (2010) 

Directed by Jon Turteltaub 

Written by Doug Miro, Carlo Bernard, Matt Lopez 

Starring Nicolas Cage, Jay Baruchel, Alfred Molina, Monica Bellucci

Release Date July 14th, 2010 

Published July 14th, 2010

Is Nicolas Cage evolving into the next Christopher Walken? Sure, Cage is a bigger star than Walken has ever been but they share a very particular oddity that bonds them. As Cage gets older his appeal becomes ever more Walken-esque as audiences have come to anticipate and crave his peculiarity.

”The Sorcerer's Apprentice” gives Cage a terrific character in which to find his weird. Balthazar Blake is 1200 year old Sorcerer who was an apprentice to the Merlin of Arthurian legend. Tasked with finding Merlin's direct descendent, Balthazar finds himself in modern day New York pursuing a guy named Dave (Jay Baruchel) while dodging his longtime nemesis Maxim Horvath (Alfred Molina).

Naturally, Horvath wants to unleash some all encompassing evil and it will be up to Balthazar and Dave to stop it. Along the way, Dave will meet a girl, Becky (Teresa Palmer) and Balthazar will pass along to Dave a number of lessons in sorcery while becoming not just a mentor but a father figure. Well, more of a crazy uncle really.

Nicolas Cage as crazy uncle is, of course, a natural. In “The Sorcerer's Apprentice” Cage actually dials down the crazy to a steady boil but those crazy eyes still twinkle and his fans will not be the least bit disappointed. The fun of a Cage performance in a family friendly flick like this is the unlikely potential that he could fly off the handle at any moment.

Well, Cage remains fully in control and fully family friendly in “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice” but those crazy eyes, that wild hair and that which can only be described as his 'Cage-ness' looks as if it could bubble over at any moment. Cage is on the verge of a meltdown or train wreck at any moment and he is the only actor for which those things can be a good thing.

Cage was a wreck in “Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans” and delivered one of the finest performances of his career. The same could be said of his comic book hero daddy in “Kick Ass” and his Oscar winning performance in “Leaving Las Vegas.” Any of which could have toppled over into parody or unintentional satire. Then there are movies like “Con Air” or “The Rock” or “The Wicker Man” where the train wreck combines with a plane crash and a car wreck leaving the audience in awe of his sheer brainless awfulness. Ah, but we still couldn't stop watching.

”The Sorcerer's Apprentice” thrives on Cage's near perfect level of lunacy. Unfortunately, when Cage isn't on screen in his wacky sorcerer's hat and unwashed do “The Sorcerer's Apprentice” bogs down and becomes a bit of a bore. Thankfully, Cage is never gone for long and in the final act “The Sorcerer's Apprentice” really finds it's footing as a big action, big effects summer movie.

Hey mom and dad, wanna see a live action kids movie that you don't need to bring a book or magazine too? “The Sorcerer's Apprentice” has just enough ingenuity and energy to keep you from being too bored and more importantly it will keep the kids engaged.

And finally there is the Mickey Mouse/”Fantasia” tribute that parents and kids can both love. The scene featuring Baruchel, some enchanted mops and buckets and a touch of that classic “Fantasia” score by Peter Dukas is a wonderful homage that surprisingly doesn't feel shoehorned in to The Sorcerer’s Apprentice” but rather feels elegantly immersed into this story. More importantly, it's just plain fun.

Movie Review Grown Ups

Grown Ups (2010) 

Directed by Dennis Dugan

Written by Adam Sandler, Fred Wolf

Starring Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, David Spade, Rob Schneider, Kevin James, Taylor Lautner

Release Date June 25th, 2010 

Published June 24th, 2010

Critics, like me, can decry the Adam Sandler brand of comedy all day. We do, we will, I will. But, we cannot deny its continuing success. Sandler is, arguably, the safest business bet in all of Hollywood. Even at his worst in garbage like “Bedtime Stories,” the worst film of 2008, bar none, Sandler still turns out his fans and returns on studio investments. That will not change with the release of “Grown Ups.” This thin excuse for Sandler to get his oldest friends together for a lakeside working vacation is exceptionally typical of the Sandler brand: dog doo, passing gas and copious pratfalls. It's not filmic poetry but fans of the brand do not care.

In “Grown Ups” Adam Sandler is Lenny, a 40-something Hollywood Agent married to a sexy fashion designer (Salma Hayek) and raising three spoiled kids who text their nanny to bring them things ,and spend most of their time in front of a flat screen TV. Lenny laments his children's lack of imagination but does little to change them. That is until Lenny is shocked out of his rich boy Hollywood idyll by the death of his childhood mentor and basketball coach, Coach Buzzer (Comic and Sandler crony Blake Clark).

Gathering up his wife and brats, Lenny is headed home to a lakeside retreat to meet his old pals and former teammates. There's Eric (Kevin James), the chubby one, whose wife (Maria Bello) is still breastfeeding their 4-year-old son.

Kurt (Chris Rock), a henpecked house husband under the thumb of his pregnant wife (Maya Rudolf). There is Marcus (David Spade), the single and loving ladies man. And finally there is Rob, a dopey thrice divorced vegan spiritualist married to a much, much, much older woman (Joyce Van Patten).

Beyond these minor character quirks there really is nothing to any of these characters. In the course of “Grown Ups” none of these characters evolve, deepen or expand our understanding of them. Sure, each is given an issue to play, like Sandler and his tech-obsessed brats, but each of these issues is resolved with little, if any, dramatic effort.

Like most Adam Sandler comedies, “Grown Ups” is an idea in search of a story or unifying theme that settles for being a series of occasionally funny gags and one liners. Sandler and his company Happy Madison don't so much develop screenplays really; rather, they come up with ideas, grab a camera and hope that something will come together in editing.

Nothing much comes together in “Grown Ups.” David Spade gets in a few good jabs. Kevin James falls down funny once or twice. Rob Schneider has a bit with an arrow that earns a chuckle but the good gags are few and far between. More often you get a lot of dead space in which the gang riffs in search of a punchline, often never finding it and allowing a scene to simply end awkwardly and unfunny.

None of my criticism of “Grown Ups” will matter to the Sandler cult. There is poo, there are multiple farts and the chubby guy, James, falls down funny. That's all the Sandler fan asks for and that is all that “Grown Ups delivers.” Success, it seems, is a highly subjective concept.

Movie Review: Cyrus

Cyrus (2010) 

Directed by Jay Duplass, Mark Duplass

Written by Jay Duplass, Mark Duplass

Starring John C. Reilly, Jonah Hill, Marisa Tomei, Catherine Keener

Release Date June 18th, 2010 

Published July 4th, 2010 

John (John C. Reilly) is the consummate modern lonely guy in Cyrus. We meet him when his ex-wife, and unfortunately, his only friend, Jamie (Catherine Keener), catches him furiously pleasuring himself to internet pornography. This may not be the first time this has happened as instead of running away forever, Jamie stays to tell John she is getting married.

Jamie then forces John to attend a party the following night with her and her new soon to be hubby (Matt Walsh). With their encouragement John grows increasingly drunk and pathetic until finally he is caught peeing in the bushes outside the party. Thankfully, this latest humiliation is saved by Molly (Marisa Tomei) who, instead of being horrified by John's drunken behavior, somehow finds it charming. She saves him again a few moments later from a serious party foul and even has the guts to sleep with the guy.

Is Molly some kind human Lottery ticket ready to pay off with unending patience, warmth and understanding? It sure seems that way until the all too smitten John meets Molly's 22 year old son Cyrus who still lives at home and, as John quickly discovers, shares an entirely unwholesome intimacy with his mommy. No, there is no sex involved but when he seems to join her in the shower while John waits in the bedroom, the discomfort is of a creepy sexual fashion.

”Cyrus” is a comedy that thrives on discomfort for the characters and the audience. Our sympathy for John has a healthy layer of pity. Our feelings for Cyrus are more fearful than pitying, the way one regards a man on a bus mumbling under his breath. Cyrus may look harmless but his particular affectations are more than a little terrifying as is the way far too many people have grown used to it and are better able and willing to overlook it. 

From the character perspective you cannot help but find “Cyrus” effective, you feel everything these characters project in a painfully awkward fashion. The directors, Mark and Jay Duplass (Baghead, The Puffy Chair) attempt to mimic the awkwardness of their characters in their film style to far less effect. The style is, I'm told, mumblecore and in this incarnation it is a lazy mishmash of digital handheld photography and a script left mostly blank; supposedly for improvisation but more likely out of a general, hope for the best, negligence.

Thus my personal conundrum; do I like “Cyrus” or not? I'm not sure. I'm no fan of the film style but these characters, as assembled by this top notch cast, are undeniably effective even at their most repellent. John C. Reilly's pathetic sad sack develops astonishing romantic chemistry with Marisa Tomei's warmhearted savior.

And then there is Jonah Hil as Cyrus, a role that is as repellent as it is intended. You know Hill is effective when his Cyrus actually renders Tomei's mommy character unattractive, a feet of Herculean creepiness. This is easily Hill's most challenging role to date and he rises to the challenge allowing Cyrus to be something more than merely frightening, like some low budget horror creep with mommy issues, but a more complexly off-putting type. 

Now, before you accuse me of wanting every movie to look and feel the same, let me state that I have no issue with Mumblecore as a whole. Rather, I just have yet to see this style be effective on screen beyond being merely different. There is something highly pretentious in this low budget movement, as if it were trying to shame us all for enjoying movies with bigger budgets and better known filmmakers.

A great cast in a not so great movie, “Cyrus” is oddest disappointment of 2010.

Movie Review Jonah Hex

Jonah Hex (2010)

Directed by Jimmy Hayward

Written by Neveldine and Taylor

Starring Josh Brolin, Megan Fox, John Malkovich

Release Date June 18th, 2010

Published June 18th, 2010

There is a cult that surrounds the “Jonah Hex” comic books. The character is a melding of Gothic horror and western conventions and arrived around the time that Clint Eastwood had made westerns cool again, back in the early 1970's. “Jonah Hex” has been preparing for its pop culture close up for almost that whole time.

Now, more than 30 years after its debut, with Josh Brolin in the role of Jonah, and a first time live action filmmaker Jimmy Hayward (his first feature was the animated “Horton Hears a Who”), behind the camera, the underground comics legend comes to the big screen and many are going to wish it had waited a little longer.

Josh Brolin is “Jonah Hex,” an old west bounty hunter with the ability to talk to the dead and an unending urge for vengeance against the man who killed his family. That man is Jonah's former commanding officer in the Confederate Army, General Turnbull (John Malkovich). Jonah killed Turnbull's son, Jeffrey Dean Morgan in an uncredited cameo, while trying to prevent his unit from burning down a hospital.

Soon after, Jonah had deserted the army only to be tracked down by Turnbull and made to watch as his family was burned alive. Turnbull doesn't stop there, he wants Jonah to never forget the man who did this to his family and burns his initials into Jonah's face with a branding iron. To say this was upsetting to Jonah would be a minor understatement. 

Left for dead, Jonah was rescued by an Indian tribe, because of course he was. Movies always have to go give this kind of hero a mystical rub from the noble Native American tribe. Through some kind of mystical ceremony Jonah attains his unique power to speak to the dead. The dead have the convenient ability to find people they knew when they were alive wherever they are in the world and thus the ghosts tell Jonah where to find them. What luck, right?

Megan Fox plays Jonah's favorite sex worker, Lilah, likely the only one who can stand his ugly mug. She has little function in the main plot other than being Megan Fox and wearing skimpy period sex worker clothes. There is a forced romance between Lilah and Jonah but since writers Neveldine and Taylor, the idiots behind the awful “Crank” movies, could not write a convincing romance, we are merely told that Jonah and Lilah have more than a sex worker and john relationship.

The ‘relationship’ allows the writing team to include Lilah in the film's final act shootout where she demonstrates one of many convenient talents that she and Jonah both have that are only revealed to us when the characters really need them. Characters also arrive conveniently in just the place they need to, like when Jonah is shot in the chest and passes out from the pain just a few yards from those noble, mystical Native Americans who saved his life before and are ready to save him again.

“Jonah Hex” is a clumsy, poorly crafted comic book story hampered by an idiot script that lurches between a modern story and more cutaways than an episode of “Family Guy.” The film is humorless, sexist, and even at a mere 82 minutes in length, drags from one scene to the next as if the gloom that surrounds the character of Jonah Hex were anchored on the whole movie.

To be fair, one thing in “Jonah Hex” does kind of works and it is star Josh Brolin. Despite being hampered by ridiculous burn make-up, Brolin delivers Jonah as the badass he is meant to be. Combining a little Clint Eastwood with a little John Wayne and shooting it through a Gothic, horror comic book lens, Brolin swaggers and croaks out his lines with grizzly relish. Brolin brings a cool to the movie that was lacking in both scripting and direction.

Director Jimmy Heyward and the writing team of Neveldine and Taylor undermine Josh Brolin’s performance by cutting every corner, abusing flashbacks to tell Jonah’s backstory, and provide convenient information needed to lurch the plot forward. When not abusing flashbacks they abuse handy dialogue like that from the Blacksmith who crafts Jonah’s pseudo period weaponry.

The Blacksmith who, prepare to laugh, happens to be black and named Smith (Ha!) helpfully passes along the reason why Jonah fought for the Confederacy - he was a contrarian, not a racist slave owner. Jonah was a contrarian who couldn’t stand the government telling him what to do. As Smith says, Jonah couldn’t be a racist because they are such good friends. Ugh.

Comic book fans take heart, this version of “Jonah Hex” will fail miserably and when it does DC Comics will wait a few years, find a hot rising star and start whispering about a Jonah reboot. “Jonah Hex” is too terrific a character for the company to give up on, even when this movie version of Jonah crashes and burns.

Movie Review The A-Team

The A-Team (2010) 

Directed by Joe Carnahan

Written Joe Carnahan, Skip Woods, Brian Bloom 

Starring Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, Rampage Jackson, Sharlito Copley 

Release Date July 10th, 2010

Published July 10th, 2010

It seems like such an awful idea. Another cheesy TV show getting a big screen treatment? Ugh. But, then the makers of “The A-Team” made some very sly moves. First they hired writer-director Joe Carnahan (Narc) to rewrite the script and direct. Then they brought in Liam Neeson, just off of his badass turn in “Taken,” and Bradley Cooper, hot off his star-making role in “The Hangover.”

Even better, the producers nabbed Sharlto Copley hot off of surprise Oscar nominee “District 9” and plucked UFC star Rampage Jackson from the hottest sport in the country to take on the iconic role made famous by Mr. T. Each move was spot on and the final product, while not great cinema, is a near perfect summer movie, a smart blend of action, star power and over the top fun.

Hannibal Smith (Liam Neeson) is a longtime Colonel with the elite Army Rangers. With his team, including Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck (Cooper), Captain H.M 'Howling Mad' Murdock (Copley) and Corporal Bosco 'B.A' Baracus, Colonel Smith have run successful missions around the globe.

The latest mission takes the so-called 'A-Team' to Iraq where stolen mint plates could allow bad guys to print unlimited amounts of American currency. The A-Team must retrieve the plates and the money from an armored transport crawling with armed insurgents. This task turns out to be the easy part.

The hard part comes when Smith and his team are double-crossed by American mercenaries for hire who kill the General who sent the A-Team on their mission, steal the plates and leave the A-Team to take the blame. Under arrest and court martial from the military, Hannibal Smith and his team will need to escape if they want to clear their names and seek revenge against those that set them up.

On opposite ends of this conspiracy are CIA Agent Lynch (Patrick Wilson) and Department of Justice Investigator Charisa Sosa (Jessica Biel). Lynch was there when Smith was given the assignment to retrieve the plates and turns up to help the team escape prison. Sosa was the one who warned Face not to take the assignment, and ended up arresting the team and leading the search to recapture them. She, of course, also has a history with Face.

The plot is a mere litany of set up, big explosion, brief aftermath and repeat. It's all very easy to follow and never intrudes on the true intent of “The A-Team,” which is to provide goofball, over the top, summer movie action and fun. Though not entirely brain free, “The A-Team” will not be mistaken for great cinema; it exists and succeeds on a different path, as a well-crafted nostalgia product.

Director Joe Carnahan is a master of clever carnage, setting his stage for big explosions and surrounding the massive special effects with lighthearted character scenes, aided greatly by a game cast. Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper and Sharlto Copley have endless fun with these goofy, charming characters. UFC fighter Rampage Jackson is fun as well but his strain as an actor, especially opposite such natural performers, is quite noticeable.

The smartest aspect of The “A-Team” is never attempting to be more than it is. This is a goofy Summer Blockbuster that aspires to nothing more than thrilling special effects and clever, funny action and character bits. The best of the bunch has the team escaping a crashing plane inside a tank with parachutes and using the tank's gun to aim the falling tank toward a lake for a safe landing all while defending themselves from attacking drone aircraft.

“The A-Team” will leave you shaking your head at how completely off the charts goofy it is, but you will be smiling the whole time. The terrific cast seems to be having as much fun playing these goofy scenes as we have watching them and director Joe Carnahan corrals all of the charm and chaos of “The A-Team” into one terrific summer blockbuster.

Movie Review The Karate Kid

The Karate Kid (2010) 

Directed by Harald Zwart 

Written by Christopher Murphy 

Starring Jaden Smith, Jackie Chan, Taraji P. Henson

Release Date June 11th, 2010

Published July 11th, 2010,

Remakes are a bad idea. They exist purely to leech off of the success of the original and have almost no artistic spirit of their own. Remakes are, generally, a lazy yet hasty rehash of the past meant to financially capitalize on idle nostalgia. Thus there was little reason to assume the re-makers of the 80's favorite “The Karate Kid” would be any different.

Fair to say, in many ways “The Karate Kid” is no different from the litany of bad remakes from Hollywood but in the most wonderful ways it has innovated. Yes, there is a touch of originality and even thoughtful attempts at more than the mere re-enactment of the past, thanks mostly to two exceptionally well cast leads and a well chosen change in location.

Dre Parker (Smith) is moving to China. His mom Sherry (Taraji P. Henson) has taken a job in Beijing and the move from Detroit seems permanent. Stranger in a strange land, Dre has not so smartly avoided learning much of the language leaving him even more of an outsider.

Lucky for him a few nice folks speak indulge his ignorance including the pretty violin prodigy Meiying (Wenwen Hong) who attends Dre's school. Also helpfully speaking English is Mr. Han, the maintenance man in Dre's apartment building. Mr. Han is even more helpful because he also knows kung fu, a handy bit of expertise that Dre can use when a group of kung fu wielding bullies target Dre for being friends with Meiying.

Mr. Han would prefer to talk out the bullies troubles with their sensei at a major league kung fu dojo but when talking fails, Mr. Han decides to enter Dre in a kung fu tournament where hopefully he can win the bullies respect through skill, determination and most of all, beating them up in a legally sanctioned fight.

From there we get a series of training scenes interrupted briefly by a surprising sweet and subtle romance between Dre and Meiying that includes one of the cutest first kisses we've seen on screen since Macauley Culkin and Anna Chlumsky in My Girl. The romance is wonderfully tame and perfectly suited to the age of the actors -both are 12 as of the film's shooting- something that is far too often overlooked in modern movies.

Director Harald Zwart does what he can to screw up “The Karate Kid.” The director of such awful movies as “Pink Panther ..2”.. and “One Night at McCool's” drives scenes into the ground by repeating the same action from different angles ad nauseum. For instance, the start of training has Dre repeatedly taking off his jacket, hanging up his jacket, putting the jacket back on, dropping the jacket on the ground and picking it back up. 

The scene pays off, quite like Mr. Miyagi's Wax on Wax off does for Daniel San in the original, but payoff or not it's still a kid repeatedly playing with his jacket. There aren't enough angles or pop music scoring that can make this interesting over the 15 to 20 minutes of screen time devoted to it.

That said Jaden Smith is such a wonderful young actor with so much of his dad Will's charm that you can tolerate even the extended jacket related scenes. Jaden and co-star Jackie Chan make a great team and when they are not tied down by that damn jacket they are a lot of fun to watch. Surprisingly, Chan does quiet and cantankerous geezer almost as well as he does flip kicks and open hand punches. 

Smith and Chan are great but they share top billing with China which despite Communism and a lack of personal freedoms is beautiful on screen. The Forbidden City and The Great Wall are indeed well worn tourist traps on the big screen but they are unbelievably gorgeous tourist traps and you won't mind yet another movie featuring them.

Is it at all plausible that Dre could run unencumbered on an empty great wall or practice atop its spires? No, but it makes for a couple of fantastic visuals. When the scene moves to the hills of China and some gorgeous mountainside locations you will have to catch your breath at the beauty. The scenery in China lends an epic feel to the production and makes “The Karate Kid” feel like something slightly more than just another cash grab remake. 

Is the new “Karate Kid'' as charming as the original? No, but it could never be. The original is not necessarily a classic piece of cinema but it is a treasure of its time period and Ralph Macchio's chemistry with Pat Morita and Morita's dignified, nuanced performance make the original something to be remembered.

The remake honors the original by not stinking up the joint and finding a few notes of its own to play. Everything rides on the strength of young Jaden Smith's budding star charisma and Jackie Chan's aging lovability and it is a magical teaming that helps you overlook the many issues that exist with this remake of “The Karate Kid”.

Movie Review Splice

Splice (2010) 

Directed by Vincenzo Natali 

Written by Vincenzo Natali, Doug Taylor

Starring Adrian Brody, Sarah Polley

Release Date June 4th, 2010 

Published Published June 4th, 2010 

I have had my share of odd experiences at the movies but the experience of the sci-fi flick “Splice” starring Sarah Polley and Oscar winner Adrien Brody ranks high on the weird meter. What begins as a moody and strangely fascinating sci-fi story about the morality and consequences of gene manipulations becomes, in its third act, a remarkable train wreck of a movie.

Clive (Brody) and Elsa (Polley) are two of the most brilliant genetic researchers in the country; their work has been featured on the front pages of national magazines. As we meet them they are creating a hybrid animal with no face or body parts but a mix of proteins with almost unlimited potential in the fight against disease.

With the success of the animal hybrid Elsa and Clive believe the next logical step is a human/animal hybrid. The pharmaceutical company funding the research shoots down that idea but if that rejection stopped Clive and Elsa we wouldn't have much of a movie. Clive and Elsa push forward and successfully combine animal and human. The result of this experiment is Dren, played by Abigail Chu as a child and Delphine Cheneac as a grown up. With her unique gene combo the transition from child to grown up is greatly accelerated.

The scenes of Dren's creation and growth are strangely fascinating and oddly humorous as Polley's Elsa becomes a surrogate mommy to Dren and treats it as one would a real human child. Brody's Clive is more reserved and skeptical, keeping a scientific distance. When this dynamic changes in the second half the tension amps up in surprising ways before finally reaching a second act climax that will leave jaws on the floor.

I will not spoil it for you. Really, you have to see it for yourself. The things that happen in the final act of “Splice” are plot wise, somewhat predictable. The outside the plot stuff, the character touches if you will, are where “Splice” goes from sci-fi weird to goofball, off the charts whacked.

The third act and the final moments of “Splice” are so completely idiotic and so easily foretold that on principle I can't recommend “Splice.” That said, there is a big part of me that not only wants you to see “Splice” but to also film your reaction as you see the developments in the final act. For all the problems of “Splice,” there is a ballsy quality that one cannot help but admire and marvel at.

“Splice” is not a good movie; it's far too predictable and the characters far too dopey for it to be any good. It is, however, bad in fun ways and shocking in the most memorable and disturbing ways. The critic in me says skip it but my twisted sense of humor says run to theaters and see this astonishingly odd movie.

Movie Review Letters to Juliet

Letters to Juliet (2010) 

Directed by Gary Winick 

Written by Jose Rivera, Tim Sullivan 

Starring Amanda Seyfried, Christopher Egan, Gael Garcia Bernal, Vanessa Redgrave

Release Date May 14th, 2010

Published May 15th, 2010

“Letters to Juliet” could be a very good movie. The premise is engaging and unique and the star, Amanda Seyfried, is so cute that I suspect kittens want to hold her. Sadly, as directed by Gary Winick, “Letters to Juliet” is a wit free wannabe weepy that adheres so closely to formula that one wonders if Winick was threatened with execution if he attempted any innovation.

”Letters to Juliet” stars Amanda Seyfried as Sophie, an American girl traveling to Verona Italy with her restaurateur fiancée (Gael Garcia Bernal) for a little romance and a lot of his business. While the fiancée runs off to collect high end wines and learn new recipes, Sophie heads for the tourist traps beginning with the legendary home of Juliet Capulet.

Shakespeare's “Romeo and Juliet” was set in Verona and the townspeople with a good eye for tourist capturing, have an ancient house with just the right kind of balcony to stand in for Juliet's home. Year after year heartbroken women leave their romantic wishes on the wall.

Over time another group of women have voluntarily gathered the letters to Juliet and set about answering them. Sophie witnesses the gathering of the letters and meets Juliet's secretaries. A writer herself, Sophie accepts an invitation to answer some letters while the fiancée continues his business.

While collecting the letters to Juliet, Sophie finds one that had not been found in nearly 50 years. The letter is from a 15 year old girl named Claire who met the man of her dreams in Verona but has succumbed to family pressures to leave him and return to England. She wants to know if she did the right thing or whether she should return to Italy. 

Sophie writes back and her romantic notions inspire the now 65 year old Claire (Vanessa Redgrave) to return and find out what happened to her lover Lorenzo Bartolini (Franco Nero). Along for the ride, tsk tsk-ing all the way, is Claire's grandson Charlie (Christopher Egan) who opposes the trip and holds special enmity for Sophie for inspiring the journey.

Naturally, Sophie offers to join the search for Lorenzo and thus begins a romantic journey across Italy. Or at least, that was the idea.

”Letters to Juliet” sadly is so forced and predictable that it becomes impossible to enjoy even the minor pleasures it has. Amanda Seyfried is an actress who is easy to enjoy. She has a great smile and most notably those great big eyes. It’s hard not to  root for her in a romantic situation and yet “Letters to Juliet” somehow fails to capture that. 

Director Gary Winick adheres to such a dull formula that even the most forgiving audience will have a hard time not deconstructing what doesn't work about it. Worst of the lot is poor Gael Garcia Bernal as the straw man fiancée. Placed as a roadblock to Sophie being with Charlie, Bernal's character is never formidable and instead exists to be awful and irritating enough that we don't mind seeing him cuckolded.

Spoiler alert, Sophie and Charlie are made for each other. They hate each other at first sight. They are forced together on a road trip. They have important things in common. Not for one moment is there an inkling of tension over whether Sophie and Charlie will be together and thus the movie meanders pointlessly toward its predicted conclusion. 

The same lack of tension, drama or humor exists in Claire's search for Lorenzo. The same scene repeats several times as Claire meets a man named Lorenzo, quickly figures out that this colorful weirdo is not her Lorenzo and back in the car we go. We know from the trailer that she finds him and since the film is about Sophie and Charlie, the romantic reunion and its aftermath are an afterthought. 

It's hard to hate a movie set in Italy. The wonderful landscapes and colorful people make for fantastic movie scenery. Oftentimes in “Letters to Juliet” you will notice that Cinematographer Marco Pontecorvo gets as lost as we do in the scenery, letting his stars slip into the background as he loses himself in the glories of the setting.

Pontecorvo's occasional distraction makes for some fun, unintentional comedy, but that is really the lone pleasure one can take from “Letters to Juliet.”

Yes, I realize punishing a romantic comedy for being predictable is like punishing a horror film for too much killing but Letters to Juliet really is lazier than most other romances in the ways it adheres to formula. Add that to the assets that the film wastes, including Seyfried's cuteness and Vanessa Redgrave's grace, and the whole thing becomes worse than just being lazy and formulaic.

Movie Review Human Centipede The First Sequence

Human Centipede The First Sequence (2010) 

Directed by Tom Six 

Written by Tom Six 

Starring Dieter Laser, Ashley C. Williams, Ashlynn Yennie, Akihiro Kitamura 

Release Date April 30th, 2010 

Published September 15th, 2010

Let's not be coy about this, you know exactly what “Human Centipede” is about. You aren't reading this out of curiosity about the movie; you want to know just how sick it is. You are wondering just how sick “Human Centipede” made this critic. It has sickened numerous others and the premise and that level of sickness has fostered your fascination.

So let's get to it then, how sick is “Human Centipede?” On an upchuck scale “Human Centipede” stood at two near pukes but surprisingly no actual projectile vomiting. Yes, I managed to keep my dinner down while watching “Human Centipede,” a feat I count myself proud of. The premise alone had my stomach flip flopping as I placed the DVD in the player.

The premise could not be more vile, a twisted German surgeon, Doctor Heiter (Dieter Laser), wishes to create a human centipede. He captures subjects, two doltish American girls, Lindsey (Ashley C. Williams) and Jenny (Ashlynn Yennie) with the bad luck to have stalled their car outside the Doc's home and an unlucky Asian fellow, Katsuro (Akihiro Kitamura) who the doctor hunted down with his trusty dart gun.

With his subjects drugged in his lab he sets about explaining his plan. He will fuse the subjects via the digestive system by sewing them mouth to anus. The calm with which Dr. Heiter imparts this information to his victims is arguably as disturbing as the actual surgery which takes place shortly after time is passed with perfunctory escape attempt by one of the American girls.

We are aware, and director Tom Six makes little pretense of our being aware, that this escape attempt is merely a way of padding the film's run time. We know the doctor's experiment will be successful; the inescapable fact of the hype surrounding “Human Centipede” stipulates that a human centipede must be delivered otherwise there is no reason for the hype to exist.

Credit Tom Six for tacitly acknowledging the padding and yet using the time well to craft some strong visuals that set up other strong visuals later. Indeed, “Human Centipede” is a shockingly crisp looking film with strong angles and bright clean lines. Never before has such striking cinematography been used to present something so utterly vile. Great talent has been spent to bring us the “Human Centipede.”

So, does this mean I like and recommend “Human Centipede?” This is not as easy a question as it would seem. I must admit the film is insanely effective. Tom Six sets out with very particular goals and achieves them with great panache. Every feeling he wishes to impart to the audience is felt. You cannot escape how compelled you are to feel exactly the dread, disgust and horror that Tom Six is seeking with “Human Centipede.”

It's all so professional and strangely restrained. While one will be expecting something truly, awe inspiringly sick, what you get in “Human Centipede” is something even more twisted and ingenious. Yes, you see the human centipede and you see some sick visuals of these three people moving as one with their mouths where no mouth should ever be. Yet, the sick questions are not answered in a visual fashion. Six leaves in the audiences’ minds the twisted practical questions about the predicament facing the victims.

Please tell me you know what I mean by practical questions because one of the great horrors of “Human Centipede” is pondering for too long the excretory concerns, among other things that make up those practical questions. In this way, “Human Centipede” has the genius of the shark in “Jaws;” it's all about what you don't see.

It's clear that I appreciate things about “Human Centipede.” So why am I reluctant to recommend the film? It's rather simple now that I think about it, how does one recommend an experience like this? How can I possibly recommend you see a movie about victims’ sewn together mouth to anus? It's just too twisted. If you are someone who wants this experience I don't really want to know that about you.

Hey, I have to see this movie. As a critic, watching movies is my job. Seeing “Human Centipede” and writing about it is what I do. You have the option to not have this experience and not share the nightmares that are fading for me a day later. There is simply no way to recommend you see this movie even as it is a dastardly effective and well crafted horror movie.

Movie Review: Death at a Funeral

Death at a Funeral (2010) 

Directed by Neil Labute 

Written by Dean Craig 

Starring Chris Rock, Martin Lawrence, Loretta Devine, Regina Hall, Zoe Saldana, Luke Wilson

Release Date April 16th, 2010 

Published April 16th, 2010 

Director Neil Labute has a terrific eye for human behavior. It's a very particular and often quite dim view of humanity that lead to brutal yet insightful films like In the Company of Men and his magnum opus of anger and inhumanity Your Friends and Neighbors. Yet, there is also a brilliantly whimsical side to the director of the dark side of humanity.

In Nurse Betty Neil Labute took the cute as a button Renee Zellweger and had her play a woman who falls in love with a soap opera character following a psychotic break brought on by witnessing the violent murder of her brutish husband. From there begins a road picture and a strangely romantic and wondrous performance from Morgan Freeman as the killer who falls for Betty from afar. 

The strange comic sensibilities of Nurse Betty were a turn off for many audiences but for me it was a remarkable insight into a filmmaker who is tuned to a very different wavelength than most other filmmakers or other human beings in general. It is this quality that makes Neil Labute perfect for the new comedy Death at a Funeral. What other director could find so much wacky fun at a funeral? 

Chris Rock stars in Death at a Funeral as Aaron the oldest son of a family that just lost its patriarch. Aaron is a tax attorney who longs to be a novelist and lives in the shadow of his slightly younger brother Ryan (Martin Lawrence) a successful writer of trashy novels. This however is the least of Aaron's troubles as he has his wife Michelle (Regina Hall) pushing to have a baby and his mother Cynthia (Loretta Devine) constantly on the verge of a meltdown.

Oh and then there is the issue of the funeral home delivering the wrong body. Yikes! Among the funeral guests are Aaron's cousin Elaine (Zoe Saldana) and her boyfriend Oscar (James Marsden) who dreads seeing Elaine's father (Ron Glass) who has made it clear how much he hates Oscar. They are joined by Elaine's brother Jeff (Columbus Short) a minor drug dealer whose pill concoction is set to make trouble at the funeral.

Family friend Norman (Tracey Morgan) and his pal Derek (Luke Wilson) each have a different purpose at the funeral. Norman is helping out by bringing cranky Uncle Russell (Danny Glover) to the funeral while Derek will be seeking out Elaine with whom he has a romantic past that he hopes to rekindle. 

And then there is a mystery guest. Peter Dinklage plays Frank, the same role he played in the original British version of Death at a Funeral in 2007. Frank holds the key to a major subplot that drives the middle portion of the film to a wild climax that though it comes up a little short by being too easy, does not fail so completely as to sink the whole film. 

Death at a Funeral brilliantly builds comic momentum from the opening scenes involving the wrong body in the casket to the reveal of Frank's secret to Oscar's wild drug infused ride to finally sitting everyone down for the actual funeral. It's remarkable how Labute keeps all of these comic plates spinning and pays off each set piece with a big, big laugh. 

The cast of Death at a Funeral is first rate with Marsden stealing scene after scene with his acid trip wackiness while Chris Rock grounds the film by bringing the craziness back to earth with exasperated truthfulness. Rock is used to driving the comedy by prodding the actors around him with his in your face style. Here, Rock is more relaxed than ever before and it suits him. He may not be pushing the edges but his punchlines are just as strong. 

Neil Labute worked from a script that is credited to original Death at a Funeral writer Dean Craig. Indeed the characters, set pieces and other aspects of the story are almost entirely unchanged from the 2007 film. What is different is the perspective Labute and his cast brings to the picture. There is more willingness by all involved to explore the black comedy side (not a racial observation) of a story that is after all a comedy set at a funeral. 

Especially interesting is the exploration of gay panic, something that in African American circles is an especially touchy subject. This part will contain spoilers so skip to the last paragraph if you hate spoilers, Rock and Lawrence in the film's main plot deftly balance horror, acceptance and humor at the prospect of their father's homosexuality. I would have liked to see a little more attention paid to this subject, it's wrapped up a little too neatly in Rock's closing speech, but overall well handled and bold for merely being in the movie. 

Death at a Funeral is wacky and smart, slapsticky but with an eye for the laughs that don't involve bodies being dumped out of caskets. I could have done without the gross-out moments with Tracey Morgan and Danny Glover, which I will not detail here, but it's not so horrible that it ruins the film. Nor does the relatively comfy wrap up at the film’s end take away from the big laughs and wonderful discomfort of Death at a Funeral.

Movie Review: Chloe

Chloe (2010) 

Directed by Atom Egoyan

Written by Erin Cressida Wilson

Starring Amanda Seyfried, Julianne Moore, Liam Neeson

Release Date March 26th, 2010

Published March 30th, 2010

“Chloe” is one of the most frustrating films I've seen in a long time. Rarely has such skilled direction been wasted on such B-level material. Atom Egoyan is a master of mood and feeling brilliantly pushing an audience’s buttons; manipulating them into uncomfortable places and toward often stunning revelations.

He brings his skill for mood to “Chloe” and for two acts his mastery of sex, seduction and character has you hooked. Riveting performances by Julianne Moore and Amanda Seyfried tease seduce and shock and keep you guessing just how this movie could possibly end. Then the third act begins and things are downhill from there. What should have been an adult thriller quickly devolves into a highly skilled Cinemax late night trash.

Catherine Stewart (Julianne Moore) is desperate. She believes her husband, David (Liam Neeson) is cheating on her. Finding a damning photo of David while she is snooping through his I Phone, Catherine decides she needs definitive proof. To get it Catherine turns to a young woman she has seen in the neighborhood near her medical practice.

The young woman is Chloe (Amanda Seyfried) and it is clear from her manner with men and her unusual hours that she is a high end call girl. Catherine hires Chloe only to flirt with David and recount his reaction. Chloe takes things further than mere flirting but rather than being angry, Catherine finds herself turned on. This twisted scenario only grows more twisted from there as Catherine herself begins an affair with Chloe.

You get from the plot where this is likely heading but early on Atom Egoyan and writer Erin Cressida Wilson brilliantly create an atmosphere, a look, a sensuality that distracts from anything familiar. There is an air of desperation and sex that permeates Chloe in the first two acts that is truly sexy, not merely trashy. The sex is purposeful and erotic without being trashy.

Then comes the third act and things go off the rails. Though Atom Egoyan never loses his incredible gift for atmosphere he and writer Ms. Wilson fail to invent a satisfying conclusion for Chloe. Instead the film devolves from a smart, sexy and daringly adult thriller into a high end version of a direct to video soft-core porno. 

The final scenes of Chloe fly close to parody, so close that one could almost make the case that the ending is a satire of B-movie thrillers. However, there is far too much artfulness in Egoyan's direction and far too much skill from the dedicated cast for anyone to assume satire, unfortunately. 

Amanda Seyfried and Julianne Moore are an electric duo in Chloe. Seyfried, long an object of girl next door fantasies, finds a range and depth like she's never shown before. Pushed by the unbelievably talented Ms. Moore, Seyfried radiates sex so strongly that you can hardly blame a married woman for falling prey to her. Ms. Moore is no victim in Chloe mind you; her submissiveness is really an act of passive aggression that few actresses could achieve.

”Chloe” is so disappointing because I like so much of it. Atom Egoyan's direction is solid and the script from Erin Cressida Wilson, for the first two acts, is very strong. The failure comes in finding an ending that satisfies. I won't spoil it for those who still wish to see this highly erotic and often quite good thriller, but be prepared for a letdown. 

The very last scene in “Chloe” is among the most awkward and oddly humorous that I have seen. It may just be my twisted sense of humor but the seriously awkward mother son bond that comes in the final act will certainly have psychiatrists buzzing afterwards. 

Finally, you may have noticed that I had little to say about Liam Neeson in “Chloe.” Neeson lost his wife Natasha Richardson while shooting “Chloe.” He left midway through production to be at her side and returned just days after her death to wrap his role. According to IMDB Neeson's scenes were cut back to accommodate his leaving and his grief. Under the circumstances Neeson is quite good in “Chloe” but there is little that one can say about an actor working under such a circumstance.

Movie Review Hot Tub Time Machine

Hot Tub Time Machine (2010) 

Directed by Steve Pink

Written by Josh Heald, Sean Anders, John Morris

Starring John Cusack, Craig Robinson, Clark Duke, Rob Corddry, Chevy Chase, Lizzy Caplan

Release Date March 26th, 2010 

Published March 25th, 2010

When The Hangover became the breakout comedy of 2009 it was inevitable that movies about 4 overgrown juveniles getting drunk while on vacation for whatever reason would become a trend or even its own sub-genre. Just watch the DVD shelves, it's coming. The first of what may be perceived as a Hangover knockoff to arrive in theaters is Hot Tub Time Machine.

John Cusack stars as Adam an a-hole insurance salesman who has clearly done something to make his girlfriend leave him; his house has been ravaged by her moving out. Adam's buddy Nick (Craig Robinson) has it worse, working as a dog groomer with a wife he knows is cheating on him. Even still, their pal Lou is in worse shape; he may or may not have tried to kill himself while rocking out to Motley Crue.

As a way of cheering up Lou, Nick and Adam have planned a getaway to the ski resort where they spent many weekends in their hopeful youth. Tagging along is Adam's nephew Jacob (Clark Duke) who has spent far too much time on his computer -his Second Life character is spending three years in prison- Adam figures he needs some human contact.

The resort was once a hotspot but now it's a run down dump. On the bright side, after a call to the front desk, the hot tub starts working. It works so well in fact that it becomes a time machine and sends all four guys back to 1986. With the time space continuum at stake, and a physics lesson from the original Terminator movie, the guys agree they must not alter the past or else.

Hot Tub Time Machine plays like The Hangover with time travel. Rob Corddry, best known as a correspondent on The Daily Show, plays the Zach Galifianakis character, replacing creepy childlike naiveté with creepy intensity and slapstick. Cusack is the Bradley Cooper character with all sharp angry humor and Robinson is the sheepish one waiting to break out a la Ed Helms.

The characters don't match exactly; Clark Duke gets far more screen time than Justin Bartha did in The Hangover, but with the binge drinking and wild time schtick the films are certainly in the same vein. Where The Hangover played something of a comic mystery plot for big laughs, Hot Tub Time Machine relies on heavy doses of nostalgia and clever references.

Cusack in and of himself as a reference to multiple 80's classics from Say Anything to Better off Dead to One Crazy Summer. None of those films get a direct name check but Cusack does ski in Hot Tub Time Machine, the black diamond, not the K-12 unfortunately, and listen closely and you might hear someone shouting for their two dollars.

Crispin Glover drops in as another self referential 80's joke; Glover was of course Marty's dad in Back to the Future, a film that earns a few laughs for Hot Tub Time Machine along with any comedy about skiing. And yet still another walking punchline, I mean that as a compliment, Chevy Chase pops up in a funny cameo as the Hot Tub Repairman/time travel guru.

Hot Tub Time Machine then throws in one more fabulous 80's cameo that I don't want to spoil; I'll just say Cobra Kai and leave it at that. Hot Tub Time Machine bursts with aching nostalgia that will either delight or invite a nauseous sort of state as one is reminded just how old they truly are.

Yes, Hot Tub Time Machine is easy to write off as a movie taking advantage of the well plowed path of The Hangover but that film didn't have time travel. That's certainly enough of a difference to allow you to forgive the many familiar elements. John Cusack is excellent as always while the rest of the cast brilliantly has his back.

If I may add a cheesy critic’s one liner to close: Take a dip in the Hot Tub Time Machine. Ha!

Movie Review MacGruber

MacGruber (2010) 

Directed by Jorme Taccone 

Written by Will Forte, Jorme Taccone, John Solomon

Starring Will Forte, Powers Boothe, Ryan Phillippe, Kristen Wiig

Release Date May 21st, 2010

Published May22nd, 2010 

There have been so many things written about the history of Saturday Night Live and the movies that adding to the pile seems a waste of time. I will keep the history lesson brief, we all know the translation between sketch and feature has been less than stellar. I'm sure I am not the only one who thanks heaven there was no Church Lady or Hans and Frans movies, thank you Dana Carvey for your restraint.

And as evidenced by the dearth of SNL-movie related content written in relation to the latest SNL feature, I know I wasn’t the only one dreading the release of MacGruber. Based on a series of interstitial gags created by star Will Forte, MacGruber held little promise of feature length success. It's great to be surprised; MacGruber doesn't suck.

Will Forte is MacGruber, an ex-military man hiding out as a priest in some unspecified jungle on a self imposed Rambo-esque exile when he is approached by his former commander Colonel James Faith (Powers Boothe). There is a threat to the homeland and it comes from the man who killed MacGruber's bride on their wedding day, the evil weapons dealer Dieter Von Cunth (Val Kilmer).

Colonel Faith wants MacGruber to come back to the US and stop Cunth from using a massive nuclear weapon on the US. He also wants MacGruber to work with top new military man Lt. Dixon Piper (Ryan Phillippe) but MacGruber has other ideas. Our hero has a team to put together, one that fans of the WWE will absolutely love. What happens to that team and how MacGruber ends up working with Piper and Mac's old flame Vicki St. Elmo (Kristen Wiig) is something for you to discover. All I'll say is 'classic MacGruber.'

I have brought a little more order to the plot than actually exists on the screen; MacGruber doesn't really play as a straight narrative feature. Will Forte and director Jorme Taccone wrote the script for MacGruber and kept true to the sketch show roots of the character by creating a feature that is really just a series of gags. Sure, there is something of a narrative line that travels throughout but mostly MacGruber just hits one gag after another and somehow the form holds.

The gags of MacGruber work one after the other after the other. A few build throughout, including MacGruber's odd attachment to his car stereo, but most are one off jokes and references to 80's pop tunes. And then there is the filth. MacGruber is shockingly filthy with R-rated material that might make the Judd Apatow crew uncomfortable. 

Part of the shock comes from the unexpected, MacGruber can't use so many variations of the F-word when he's on network TV. He also cannot have two of the most awkward, off-putting and hysterical sex scenes since Leslie Nielsen and Lisa Marie Presley donned giant condoms in Naked Gun. 

MacGruber's supporting cast is right along with him making the awkward into the hysterical. Kristen Wiig is expectedly up to the task but Ryan Phillippe is the one who gets the big assist late with a sight gag that lives up to the word gag. Val Kilmer is a rich choice for the goofy bad guy. The now chubby cheeked star plays a wonderfully straight bad guy to MacGruber's over the top good guy. 

Tossing dignity and good taste to the wind, the cast of MacGruber crafts a series of jokes that somehow adds up to a feature film. MacGruber doesn't really tell us much about the future of Will Forte as a star but as a gag writer with a great ear for just the right cheesy 80's pop song; he's kind of a genius. MacGruber thrives on Forte's instinct for brilliant bad taste.

Movie Review Greenberg

Greenberg (2010) 

Directed by Noah Baumbach

Written by Noah Baumbach

Starring Ben Stiller, Greta Gerwig, Rhys Ifans 

Release Date March 19th, 2010 

Published May 12th, 2010 

Dear Roger Greenberg

Unlike you I rarely write complaint letters but having spent time with you, courtesy of writer-director Noah Baumbach, I felt compelled to write to you. My complaint is that I feel I am far too like you and I aim to change that. I guess this isn't so much a complaint, maybe even more of a thank you. Wanting to not become like you may change the very course of my life.

Sincerely,

Sean Patrick Kernan

The movie Greenberg may have honestly changed my life. Heretofore a misanthrope with an honest distaste for most other people I am compelled by the example of Ben Stiller's performance in Greenberg that this is the path of a lonely, pathetic and desperate existence where even those you do connect with will be dealt the blow of your worldview eventually.

Roger Greenberg is 41 years old and staying at his millionaire brother's mansion for several weeks while his brother is on a family vacation, his aim is to actively do nothing. What nothing entails is unclear as Roger seems to hate everyone and everything but desperately calls old friends and acquaintances begging for some company. This would require him to do things and there you have his conundrum.

Among the things for Roger to do is spend time with his brother's assistant Florence (Greta Gerwig) who reveals herself to be one of the rare people who can tolerate his constant bad attitude. An aspiring musician, Florence speaks to Roger's own longings; he once was in a band that came up short of the big time because of him.

Music is not a big part of Roger and Florence's relationship. The dominant theme is Roger pushing and pulling and Florence finding his anger and mood swings to be a mask for a vulnerability that she finds irresistible. These two people would be meant for each other in any other movie but in the complex web of character conflict woven by writer-director Noah Baumbach, their personalities provide realistic roadblocks to happiness.

This is the finest work in Noah Baumbach's previously overrated career. Greenberg irons out the issues with his Margot at the Wedding in which all of the characters were mini-Greenberg's and thus intolerable. With no one to point out what jerks they all were, the characters sprayed venom in all directions until the movie could not sustain the momentum of their irksomeness.

In Greenberg only Roger is bitter, sad, hateful and desperate and it's easier to tolerate. Everyone else in the movie reveals Roger's character and forces him to confront himself. This allows the character to evolve and if not change, at least check the attitude to the point where other people can tolerate him.

Ben Stiller's performance in Greenberg is a stunner, especially considering his remarkably awful turns in not one but TWO Night at the Museum movies. One could fairly wonder if he could ever be taken seriously after repeated slap fights with a monkey but Greenberg shows there is still talent there. 

Greta Gerwig is wonderful as the often wilting but wily Florence and just as good is Rhys Ifans who plays Roger's best friend Ivan. Years ago Roger and Ivan were in a band together and naturally Roger blew the whole thing with his bad vibes. To his astonishing credit, especially for a Baumbach character, he doesn't hold it against him and what Ifans plays so well are the unspoken reasons why he doesn't hold it against him.

Greenberg is filled with all of the subtlety and wit that Noah Baumbach always thought he had but has never really demonstrated. The characters are flawed, intelligent and achingly normal creatures that are not defined by their wounded psyches, aside from Greenberg that is. It's almost anti-Baumbach in that way.

Most important for me is the performance of Ben Stiller who reveals portions of Roger that I'm sure many people like me recognized far too well in our own lives. Like him I am an angry, self sabotaging misanthrope who mistakes edgy self involvement for wit and loathing of humanity as insight. Yes, I do those things and after seeing the result in Greenberg I aim to be different. What more can one ask of a great work of art but to have it reveal something of them.

For that, for me, Greenberg is a revelation.

Movie Review The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2010) 

Directed by Niels Arden Oplev 

Written by Rasmus Heisterberg, Nikolaj Arcel 

Starring Noomi Rapace, Michael Nyqvist 

Release Date March 19th, 2010 

Published October 10th, 2010

A murder mystery over 40 years old draws in a reporter and a computer hacker in Director Niels Arden Oplev's adaptation of the late Stieg Larsson's novel “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.” The girl in question is Lisbeth Salander (Noomi Rapace) the aforementioned computer hacker who, when we meet her, is on the tail of a reporter, Mikael Blomkvist (Michael Nyqvist).

The reporter has just been sentenced to several months in prison over a libel charge though he believes he's been set up. This however, has nothing to do with her investigation. Blomkvist is being sought by a man named Henrik Vanger (Sven Bertil Taube) who wishes to hire him to investigate the disappearance of his beloved niece Harriet more than 40 years earlier.

Needing money and with a reporter's nose for a good story; Mikael accepts the job and moves to Vanger's isolated island home where he and his family are the only inhabitants. There is only one bridge on and off of the island and on the day of Harriet's disappearance the bridge was off limits due to an accident. This leaves only members of Vanger's family as possible suspects.

Meanwhile, Lisbeth begins to follow the investigation by hacking Mikael's computer. When she discovers something that Mikael did not do, she cannot help but inform him and soon involves herself with the case and eventually with Mikael. Their relationship intensifies in unexpected fashion and “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” becomes deeper and more involved.

Moody and atmospheric, “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” has the minimalist aesthetic that is the preference of Swedish filmmakers but also a distinctly pop polish to its punky, goth, techie heroine. Director Niels Arden Oplev makes wonderful use of actress Noomi Rapace as both an actress and as a plot device. Her look, tattoos, piercings, spiky hair intrigues us, her manner, her suffering draw us closer to her and whether the mystery plot is really all that involves doesn't really matter, we want to follow her.

Not to be outdone, Michael Nyqvist more than holds his own as the weather-beaten reporter with nothing to lose. It is almost entirely up to Nyqvist to sell the romance between Mikael and Lisbeth and his effortless vulnerability in the face of her hard aesthetic makes believable the moments when the 40 something journalist and the 20 something tattooed hacker end up in bed or share an unexpected kiss. 

Viewers will need to take note; “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” contains scenes of sexual violence that are more than a little disturbing. Lisbeth is raped in the film and then takes some righteous and arresting revenge on her attacker in scenes that do not merely border on exploitation. They do however lay the groundwork for the character of Lisbeth, giving her one shattering back-story with more than one strong payoff.

That said one can understand if someone is offended by the sexual violence of “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.” For those who can stomach it however, the film is a corker of a mystery. A near masterpiece of anxious suspense and eerie Swedish intrigue, “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” will thrill any willing audience.

Movie Review The Bounty Hunter

The Bounty Hunter (2010) 

Directed by Andy Tennant

Written by Sarah Thorp

Starring Jennifer Aniston, Gerard Butler

Release Date March 19th, 2010

Published March 18th, 2010

Leave it to a movie as utterly insane and forgettable as The Bounty Hunter to make me search my critical soul. Though it is more likely a case of coincidental timing, I find myself reviewing this ludicrous Jennifer Aniston/Gerard Butler action comedy at a time when the world of film criticism is in turmoil.

Recently, top flight critics have been losing their jobs and that has led to a good deal of hand wringing, soul searching and a number of eulogies for professional criticism. For me, this conversation about the state of my business, the thing I truly love doing, writing about the movies, has me considering what kind of critic I am, what purpose I serve.

So many people over the years have asked me why I can't just watch a movie and leave it at that. My answer to that is that I love conversation and what better inspires conversation than a good or bad movie. I review movies to be part of a conversation that has, thanks to the web, spread across the world.

My theory about the movies is that they should do something to improve the lives of the people giving up their money and time to see them. When I feel that a film has failed to aspire to anything more than its own completion I get angry and that is where a bad review comes from.

A good review comes when I find something valuable in the experience. Whether the film is merely a passing entertainment or something that can transform the way we look at the world, each has in its way improved our lives if only for a minute or for the rest of our time on earth.

Some critics write because they like the sound of their own voice in their head as they type. Ok, all critics like that. I hope that I myself aspire to something more than my own self satisfaction. I hope that people read my words and am inspired to offer their own interpretation. If I can inspire a conversation, I feel that I have accomplished something.

With that, let's have a very brief conversation about The Bounty Hunter, a brainless, witless waste of screen time starring Gerard Butler and Jennifer Aniston. The inane story has Aniston's journalist blowing off court for a story and having a warrant issued for her arrest.

The warrant ends up in the hands of her ex-husband, a former cop turned bounty hunter who cannot believe his luck in getting to arrest his ex-wife. That's the joke. A dopey formerly married guy gets to arrest his ex-wife. It's a literal take on the old 'Take My Wife... Please,' vaudeville and the movie feels even older and creakier than a vaudeville routine. 

I hate wasting another word on the career decline of Jennifer Aniston but I must mention that, take away Marley and Me which was a minor pleasure, she has now starred in four movies that are not merely bad, they are dreadful. He's Just Not That Into You, Management, Love Happens and The Bounty Hunter comprise, arguably, the ugliest resume this side of Rob Schneider. 

As for Mr. Butler, Hollywood's continuing attempt to convince us he is a star fails miserably once again. On the heels of The Ugly Truth, Gamer and Law Abiding Citizen comes The Bounty Hunter as further proof that big pecs, a lopsided smile and an accent are apparently all it takes to be a movie star these days. 

I

 apologize for my snark. But as I was saying earlier, in my soul searching moments, I feel my time and yours is valuable and these two actors and this director have wasted more of my life than many others have. The Bounty Hunter inspired me to think about why I became a critic and why I love writing about movies. It happened to come along at a time when critics across the country are debating their role in the culture. 

My role, I feel, is to have this written conversation with you, dear reader, about a movie that I truly hated and why I hated it and why the actors involved have become such a burden to me. You can choose to ignore this conversation or engage in it. Here's hoping our next conversation will be about a movie we both love.

Movie Review Green Zone

Green Zone (2010)

Directed by Paul Greengrass

Written by Brian Helgeland

Starring Matt Damon, Greg Kinnear, Brendan Gleeson, Amy Ryan

Release Date March 12th, 2010

Published March 11th, 2010 

It’s tempting to say ‘too little, too late’ about the politics of the new thriller “Green Zone.” I was just getting started working in talk radio in 2002 and 2003 when the march to war in Iraq began and I was wondering at the time when Hollywood or anyone other than me, and a coterie of liberal groups, were going to start asking serious questions about why we were going to war in a country that had not attacked us and did not have any weapons of mass destruction.

Joe Wilson told us that the intelligence was faulty while others told the true tale of the Bush Administration wanting a war against Saddam and a chance to finish the job left undone by the first gulf war, and Bush's father George H.W. Bush. This information was readily available at the time but Hollywood, like so many others, allowed themselves to be cowed by administration goons screaming about a lack of patriotism in those who opposed war.

In the years since the decision was made Hollywood has become slightly less timid. Sure, there was always Michael Moore but he’s not Hollywood, he’s never been cowed by anyone but the occasional untruth. No, the filmmakers timidly attempted telling human stories, soldier stories but avoided really taking on the central issues of the war in Iraq and the war on terror.

It wasn’t until last year when the boldest critique of Bush administration policy arrived in James Cameron’s “Avatar.” Yes, though some loathe admitting it, not wanting to spoil the brain free fun of the film’s fantastic visuals, the most successful film of all time is an anti-war tract scoring points against preemptive war, occupying armies and how the war on terror has been fought.

I have issues with the heavy handed points that the ultra-liberal James Cameron makes in “Avatar” but mostly I was irritated that it came so late to the game. We needed a movie like “Avatar” 6 years ago when the topic was bold, fresh and there was an impact to be made. That same feeling clouds my appreciation of Matt Damon’s new thriller “Green Zone,” arguably the boldest direct criticism of the war in Iraq Hollywood has yet delivered.

Matt Damon stars as Chief Warrant Officer Roy Miller, leader of a squad searching for WMD in the days immediately following the invasion of Iraq. Roy is growing frustrated quickly. Each site his team raids comes up empty and looks to have been empty for a very long time. When Miller questions the ‘intel’ that keeps sending him to empty sites he is told not to ask questions, just follow orders.

Miller’s questions however catch the ear of a CIA Agent, Martin Brown (Brenden Gleeson), who encourages Miller to keep asking questions and if he turns up something useful, call him. Miller soon does turn up something interesting and it is something that some very powerful people will do anything to keep quiet. Greg Kinnear plays a shady White House official who opposes Miller and Brown.

“Green Zone” boldly tackles the Bush Administration’s main justification for war in Iraq, the need to secure Saddam Hussein’s alleged weapons of mass destruction. We know now, really we knew then, that Saddam had no weapons and hadn’t had weapons since the first gulf war. The futile search for weapons they knew weren’t there cost far too many innocent lives, though “Green Zone” doesn’t pause too long to ponder that, the point is made in brief.

The film goes further in other avenues of the war however, wading into the strategy of the administration’s post war policy. In disbanding the Iraqi army the Bush Administration missed an important opportunity to shorten the war by keeping the guys with the guns employed on our side as opposed to unemployed, armed and desperate. Keeping some of the Baathists in power would have been controversial but it also would have saved lives.

Now, I am making “Green Zone” out to be heavier than it is. Trust me; this is an action thriller at its heart. Directed by Paul Greengrass, the director of two of the Jason Bourne blockbusters, “Green Zone” starts fast and is relentless in its pulse pounding action and suspense. The political points are scored on the edges while the action and suspense dominate the foreground.

“Green Zone” features bold politics and bad ass action and yet, like “Avatar,” it comes far too late to the party. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to have my opinions reiterated with the force of pop culture behind them but I was making these points about the war at the time. I know Hollywood can’t make movies quickly but seven years late is a little much.

For those not invested in an anti-war stance as I was and am, “Green Zone” still offers the pleasure of being a seriously butt kicking action flick with realism, violence and chest tightening, pulse pounding suspense. I may still be lamenting the war in Iraq but “Green Zone” moves so quickly that lament will be the last thing most will feel while watching.

Movie Review: Alice in Wonderland

Alice in Wonderland (2010)

Directed by Tim Burton 

Written by Linda Woolverton

Starring Johnny Depp, Mia Wasikowska, Helena Bonham Carter, Tim Pigott Smith, Anne Hathaway

Release Date March 5th, 2010

Published March 4th, 2010

The story of Alice in Wonderland is one of a teenage girl tripping down a rabbit hole into a magical land where adventure awaits. The sub-story however, is not onscreen but behind the scenes. It is an unfortunate story of a once promising filmmaker with the potential of a game changer but who sadly lost his way.

In Alice in Wonderland Tim Burton demonstrates that the promise he showed as a filmmaker who deftly combined unique characters with fabulous visuals has now devolved into a style over substance approach better at aping other storytellers’ visions but lacking what made their stories lasting and memorable.

The latest attempt to bring Lewis Carroll's wildest dreams to life stars newcomer Ali Wasikowska as Alice a teenage girl of privilege destined to marry a doofusy Lord (Tim Pigott Smith) and live out a sad existence as his concubine and servant. Naturally, Alice is non-plussed about this idea.

As Lord doofus ahem Lord Ascot goes to one knee in front of everyone they both know Alice runs off. It's not merely that she is horrified about getting engaged to such a dope, she also happened to see a strange looking white rabbit who seemed to be trying to get her attention. Following the rabbit, Alice finds herself at a rabbit hole which she falls into and winds up in Underland.

Underland is a magical, bizarre world of strange characters who act as if they know who she is, as if she'd been here before. Indeed she has but she doesn't quite remember it, even after being reintroduced to her friend the wild haired, hair-brain the Mad Hatter (Johnny Depp) who informs her of a particularly dangerous destiny ahead of her in in Underland.

This is extraordinarily rich material for a visual artist like Tim Burton and he dives right in with broad strokes of CGI landscapes and eccentric makeup and costumes. As Burton did with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Sweeney Todd he takes his pal Johnny Depp dresses him in wacky costumes and hair and aims to set him loose in a crazy looking world.

The formula unfortunately has lost its flavor in Alice in Wonderland. Both Burton and Johnny Depp seem to have made Alice on auto pilot relying on the things they have done before to carry this film to completion while bringing little new effort to bare. Alice in Wonderland is a lazy, laconic knockoff of what Burton and Depp have done before.

The diminishing returns in the career of Tim Burton are one of the saddest stories to be told. After arriving with astonishing promise in the 1980's, Burton has spent the past decade repeating himself with less and less interest. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is a movie I really liked but received much fair criticism. Sweeney Todd wasn't great but was at the least a bit daring in approach.

Alice in Wonderland is simply bad. The filmmaking is lax from the cheap looking CGI to the strangely muted colors. The pace is almost non-existent, the movie crawls from scene to boring scene relying on our familiarity with Lewis Carroll's story to keep us involved.

The 3D aspect of Alice in Wonderland is utterly unnecessary and only serves to bring forward unfortunate comparisons to James Cameron's Avatar which from a visual standpoint blows Alice out of the water, exposing the films sluggish CGI and weak 3D posing.

It is clear now that the reason Tim Burton retreads so many famous stories isn't a wont to bring classic literature to the masses but mere laziness. Famous source material allows Burton to focus on creating fantastic new worlds visually or at least that's the theory. 

In Alice in Wonderland however, the famous source material gives Burton the opportunity to relax and recreate the things he's done in previous works with little invention on his part. The approach extends to his star pal Johnny Depp whose lackadaisical Mad Hatter is a visual representation of the laziness of the director and indeed the production as a whole.

Alice in Wonderland is the first major disappointment of 2010, a lazy rehash of a well known story by a director resting on his reputation. It is heartbreaking to see what has become of the talent of Tim Burton. So much promise unfulfilled. We will always have Edward Scissorhands to remember him by but what of the future, duller, droopy remakes of other people's works with whatever existing tech best allows him to rest on his rep. It's just sad.

Movie Review: Due Date

Due Date (2010) 

Directed by Todd Phillips

Written by Adam Sztykiel, Todd Phillips

Starring Robert Downey Jr, Zach Galifianakis, Michelle Monaghan, Juliette Lewis, Jamie Foxx

Release Date November 5th, 2010

Published November 4th, 2010

The comparison between “Due Date” and the 80's classic “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” is inescapable. Then again, as conventional as “Due Date” is, it can be compared to dozens of road trip comedies released in the decade and a half since Steve Martin and John Candy seemed to define the road trip aesthete.

Conventional may sound like a negative but it's just another way of saying that the humor of “Due Date” is familiar; you feel as if you have heard these jokes and witnessed these gags before. That said, despite the conventional approach of “Due Date” it is funny because stars Robert Downey Jr and Zach Galifianakis are funny. If you don't love these two actors and their opposing comic styles going in, don't bother seeing “Due Date.”

Peter Highman has a simple task ahead of him; board a plane for Los Angeles and three days later witness the birth of his first child as his wife Sarah's labor is induced. It all seems so simple until Peter meets Ethan (Zach Galifianakis). Ethan is a whirlwind of trouble; he and Peter meet when Ethan's ride to the airport nearly kills Peter as he is exiting his town car. The ensuing chaos causes Peter and Ethan to mix up luggage and Peter nearly misses the plane while carrying Ethan's marijuana pipe. Allowed onto the plane, Peter finds himself seated in front of Ethan and like clockwork Ethan sets about getting them thrown off the plane.

Since Peter's bags are on the plane and he had tucked his wallet in the seatback in front of him he has no money and no means to rent a car. He can't catch another plane because Ethan's rant about bombs and terrorists has landed them both on the no fly list. Now, with only his Blackberry on hand, Peter is stranded until Ethan comes along offering a ride.

Like Peter, Ethan is heading to Los Angeles. He is joined by his dog and the ashes of his late father packed in a coffee can. If you've seen the trailer and commercials then you have witnessed much of the wackiness that ensues during this road trip including crashes, arrests, injuries and the accidental ingestion of dad's ashes as coffee.

Thankfully, “Due Date” is a little more than the sum of its gags. What makes “Due Date” work, even as it contains few surprises and an overly familiar plot, is that Rober Downey Jr and Zach Galifianakis are such a terrifically offbeat screen pairing. Downey and Galifianakis seem to have zero chemistry and that is exactly what works for this duo. 

Downey is brilliant in subverting expectations with defensive hostility; his Peter stubbornly refuses to accept that he is a character in a road trip comedy, one who because of social convention must accept pain, humiliation and delay simply out of kindness, and that stubbornness comes out in his righteously angry outbursts aimed at Ethan and even at his dog and his late father's ashes. 

Galifianakis too has a way of subverting what is expected of him. Employing a joyous mix of childishness and naiveté his Ethan is a man child of rather epic proportions. Not merely some Adam Sandler type who clings to his illusion of youth through fart jokes and other juvenile behavior, Ethan is truly an overgrown child with both the immaturity and vulnerability one would forgive in a pre-teen but comes off as just nuts in a big hairy adult. 

Ethan is a wonderful dichotomy. His behavior would be excused were he 12 years old but as a bear of a nearly 40 year old man his behavior is unpredictable, irritating and strangely charming. Zach Galifianakis is the rare comic actor who can play this dichotomy without it becoming an overbearing act. 

Director Todd Phillips had Galifianakis bring that same disquieting vulnerability to “The Hangover” and it gets the same big laughs this time. Yes, one must begin to wonder whether Zach can play a different comic note, for the record I believe he can, he did rather brilliantly in “It's Kind of a Funny Story,” for now this same comic note is still funny. Future roles will show how well Galifianakis plays other beats or somehow evolves this persona. 

Sure, you've seen this all before but thanks to Downey and Galifianakis, “Due Date” is still funny. The same jokes you've seen a few times in a few other road trip movies are funny because Downey and Galifianakis are telling them in a slightly off-key manner, one that works just for them. 

You have to be a fan of the comic styles of Downey and Galifianakis to like “Due Date.” You have to enjoy Downey's wry sarcasm ala “Iron Man” or “Sherlock Holmes” and you have to have enjoyed Galifianakis's man-child act from “The Hangover.” If not, “Due Date” will not work for you. I am fan of both actors and thus I really liked “Due Date.”