Movie Review: TMNT

TMNT (2007) 

Directed by Kevin Munroe

Written by Kevin Munroe 

Starring Chris Evans, Patrick Stewart, Sarah Michelle Geller, Kevin Smith, Mako, Ziyi Zhang

Release Date March 23rd, 2007 

Published March 22nd, 2007

Yet another retread of the Teenage Mutant Turtles attacks our cultural consciousness and as with so many copies of an original, it is dulled and less compelling, a copy of a copy really. Directed by a videogame veteran with videogame sensibilities, TMNT looks more like an ad for the TMNT game on the XBox 360 than like a feature length film.

The brothers, Leonardo, Raphael, Michaelangelo and Donatello, who make up the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles crime fighting team, want only to be on the streets fighting crime and scarfing pizza. However, their sensei Master Shredder has forced them to give up crime fighting out of fear for their safety, not merely from the bad guys but from the good guys who could not easily accept talking turtles.

Each of the turtles has found their own way to deal with seclusion. Michaelangelo and Donatello perform at kids parties, dressed as turtles(?). Leonardo has thrown himself into training with Master Shredder. Raphael, on the other hand, has taken to vigilante-ism. Taking to the streets under the guise of the Nightwatcher, Raphael is inviting a number of dangerous encounters.

When his activities are exposed it leads to a rift between Leonardo and Raphael that nearly comes to blows. However, Raphael's activities do expose the crimes of a shady businessman who has teamed with a group of ninja assassins to steal 13 warrior statues that once gathered can be made real and used to take over or destroy the world.

Directed by video game veteran Kevin Munroe, TMNT delivers a view of the Ninja Turtles that seems to want to be a little darker than previous incarnations. Their is the sense that Munroe and screenwriter Peter Laird want to delve a little deeper into these characters and their motivations. Sadly, they abandon this idea early on in favor of some truly moronic and insulting humor and kid friendly action scenes.

Restricted by the typical rules of kiddie flick etiquette, Munroe and Laird give up any notion of creating really compelling characters and an engaging coming of age story in favor of simpleminded lessons and tropes about family and doing the right thing. Oh and a bit of bathroom humor, also a staple of this vacuous type of story.

There is some promise to TMNT early on and it comes in a showdown between Leonardo and Raphael in his guise of the Nightwatcher. Not knowing who the Nightwatcher really is, Leonardo engages him and the two fight until Raphael's real identity is revealed. The tension extends back home and the conflict is genuine and compelling.

Unfortunately, this interesting bit is quickly forgotten about and the typical tropes about loyalty, family and doing the right thing take center stage in all of their unambiguous, black and white forms. I'm not saying TMNT was ever going to offer great conflict or drama, but this story was interesting before it was jettisoned in favor of more simply manipulated emotions.

As for the animation, keep in mind that director Kevin Munroe comes from a video game background. TMNT looks so much like a videogame that you may be tempted to search around your seat for a controller. The animation of videogames have made great leaps in recent years but movies require a good deal more than mere kinetic, quick cut images.

Conditioned by the beautiful work of the team at Pixar, CG animation is now an art form and if a cartoon feature cannot match the beauty of Ratatouille, Cars or Monsters Inc, we aren't as interested or engaged. Pixar and the teams at Dreamworks Animation (Shrek) and the terrific Sony crew (Ice Age), have raised the bar in CG animation and a film as flat and colorless as TMNT pales in comparison.

Without a great story to pick up for the lack of great visuals, TMNT flounders and becomes tedious by the time the end comes in a mere 84 minutes.

TMNT is a flat, uninspired recreation of an inspired group of characters. The potential was there, but the imagination and daring were lacking leaving TMNT to be yet another product of kid-centric marketing. The makers of TMNT may have been better served dropping the turtles directly into television commercials for Pizza and pop, rather than wasting millions on a theatrical feature.

It's clear from watching TMNT that the only value of these characters can be found in their salability rather than their depth of character. Why not cut out the middleman and just make commercials and toys.

Movie Review: The Fantastic Four

Fantastic Four (2005) 

Directed by Tim Story 

Written by Michael France, Mark Frost 

Starring Chris Evans, Jessica Alba, Michael Chiklis, Ioan Gruffaud, Julian McMahon, Kerry Washington

Release Date July 8th, 2005 

Published July 7th, 2005 

What is it that those testosterone freaks from the gym say? Come hard or don't come at all? As overly aggressive as that sounds it's about setting a standard. When a film sub-genre features films as amazing as the two Spiderman movies, the original and new Batman flick and three X-Men movies any film that follows in that genre had, as they say, better come hard or not at all.

In the case of The Fantastic Four the 'not at all' would have been a better choice. Compared to it's superhero brethren Fantastic Four is an outright disaster. On it's own terms it has appeal to small children and the very, very forgiving amongst us. Unfortunately, I'm not all that forgiving.

Comic fans have been familiar with the powers of the Fantastic Four for nearly forty years. For the uninitiated, Reed Richards (Ioan Gruffaud) aka Mr. Fantastic, has the ability to stretch any part of his body. Sue Storm, (Jessica Alba) aka Invisible Girl, as her name implies, can become invisible. Sue's brother Johnny Storm, (Chris Evans) aka The Human Torch, can turn his entire body to flames and finally Ben Grimm, (Michael Chiklis) AKA The Thing, who's whole body is made of unbreakable rock.

The movie tells the origin story of the Fantastic Four as well as their arch nemesis Victor Von Doom (Julian McMahon). On a space mission to investigate a mysterious energy field the Fantastic Four and the benefactor of the mission, Victor, are struck by this unique energy field and transformed into their fantastic forms.

Johnny Storm loves his new abilities; taking full advantage of his flammability to make a splash with the media. It is Johnny who gives the team nicknames and dubs them The Fantastic Four. Ben Grimm on the other hand cannot stand his rock formations which cost him his marriage and makes him the target of derision and eventually the police. Reed and Sue take a more scientific perspective as they seek ways to cure the mutations.

Victor Von Doom was also transformed and similar to Ben's rock; Victor is slowly turning to steel. At first he reacts like anyone would; using his billions of dollar to find a cure, but, then a case of movie evil sets in and Victor decides to be a world conquering super villain. When Victor uses his new steel form to control electricity and commit crimes only our fantastic heroes can stop him.

Director Tim Story and screenwriters Mark Frost, Michael France and Simon Kinberg remain mostly faithful to Stan Lee's origin story. In fact Tim Story even incorporates some of legendary comic artist Jack Kirby's visuals, such as a scene in which Ben Grimm stops a semi truck in it's tracks. The scene is shot from behind Ben with the truck coming straight for him and mimics a story board from the very first Fantastic Four comic.

The script also remains faithful to the family dynamic that Stan Lee established in the comics. Reed Richards with his graying temples and maturity is a natural father figure. Sue Storm is more of a de-facto mother character, she seems to young for the role but her romance with Reed makes it necessary. And of course Johnny and Ben with their childish rivalry are perfect bickering brothers. Lee mined this dynamic for humor not often found in the super hero genre.

The film however fails in it's few attempts at similar humor. The romance between Gruffaud and Alba is clumsy and fumbled and the rivalry between Johnny and Ben works only to make both seem oafish and imbecilic. Not helping matters is that each of the actors seems to be playing different beats. Gruffaud is impassive even when given a punch line while Alba just seems embarrassed. Michael Chiklis is playing a serious dramatic vibe which is at odds with the mildly ludicrous tone set by director Tim Story.

Something in Tim Story's direction amps up the comics least appealing aspects. The family humor of the comics was occasionally hokey as is much of the premise of the Fantastic Four. We accept it because of Lee's ability to make us care about these characters and Jack Kirby's exceptional drawings. Brought to physical life; the contrived nature of the comic is exposed by actors who seem unable to grasp the concept of their characters. The acting is far too serious and stern and thus remains humorless, that is except for Chris Evans as Johnny Storm.

Evans seems to be the only cast member having a good time with this material. He captures the goofy spirit and headstrong vitality of Johnny Storm. If the other actors had played a similar vibe Fantastic Four would be a whole lot more enjoyable.

Then there is Julian McMahon who chews the scenery like Jeremy Irons on a bender. To say that McMahon is over the top would be a grand understatement. McMahon plays Victor Von Doom like a silent film era villain, all grand impressive gesticulations and over pronounciations. He needs only a mustache to twirl to make this character a perfect parody.

A quick aside, did anyone else keep flashing back to Mallrats and wondering, like Brody, about whether Reed Richards could stretch his 'entire' body or if the Thing... well you know. It's horribly wrong, but one of the pleasures of a subpar movie is the invoked memories of far superior films. I will take the puerile Mallrats over the over amplified Fantastic Four any day.

I cannot deny that there is one really eye catching series of action scenes in Fantastic Four. The scenes set on the Brooklyn bridge where each of the Fantastic Four demonstrate their super powers for the first time, is a pretty terrific set of actions. Quickly edited, tautly paced, and well executed with CGI effects, these scenes demonstrate the unrealized potential of Fantastic Four.

One great series of scenes, however, are not nearly enough to rescue such a mess of a movie. Director Tim Story, who did a terrific job with the much smaller Barbershop; seems completely overwhelmed by the scope and scale of the Fantastic Four. With all the money and CGI he could ever need, Story fell into the trap of forgetting that his actors and his story need direction as much as his effects.

Fantastic Four demonstrates an opinion of mine that it takes a great director to bring the fantastic elements of a super hero movie to life. Sam Raimi and Spiderman, Bryan Singer and X-Men, Tim Burton and now Christopher Nolan with Batman. Tim Story is a good director but as Fantastic Four demonstrates he is not a great director.

Movie Review: Fantastic Four Rise of the Silver Surfer

Fantastic Four Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007) 

Directed by Tim Story 

Written by Don Payne, Mark Frost

Starring Chris Evans, Jessica Alba, Michael Chiklis, Ioan Gruffaud, Kerry Washington, Julian McMahon, Andre Braugher, Laurence Fishburne 

Release Date June 15th, 2007 

Published June 14th, 2007 

What is so disappointing about The Fantastic Four and the sequel Rise of the Silver Surfer is that director Tim Story shows a great talent for big time action scenes. The first film had a pair of impressive action and effects scenes that showed the potential of the series. Rise of the Silver Surfer builds on that with bigger and better effects, especially the stunningly rendered CG Surfer.

The big effects and big action act as unintentional commentary on the non-action, non-effects scenes. As great as the action is, the acting, dialogue and storytelling of Rise of the Silver Surfer are sloppy, slipshod and at times embarrassing.

As we rejoin the story of the Fantastic Four, Reed Richards (Ioan Gruffaud) AKA, Mr. Fantastic is about to wed Sue Storm (Jessica Alba) aka The Invisible Woman. Ben Grimm (Michael Chiklis) aka The Thing, is Reed's best man and Johnny Storm (Chris Evans) aka The Human Torch is walking his sister down the aisle. Well that was the plan but as the media circus swirls about; a bigger threat has hit the earth.

A silver alien on a surf board is disturbing the environment of the entire planet, creating giant holes all over world. Reed quickly discovers that this is not the first time the Silver Surfer has attacked a planet, his arrival has lead to the end of a planet within 8 days. With the Silver Surfer comes the arrival of a planet eating entity called Galactus.

To stop the Surfer and Galactus the Fantastic Four will have to team with their enemy, a fully recovered Victor Von Doom (Julian McMahon) who was the first to make face to face contact with the Surfer. Naturally, Victor has designs on the Surfer's planet destroying powers.

In Rise of the Silver Surfer director Tim Story delivers pretty much the same results he delivered with the first Fantastic Four movie, big action and effects with ill-conceived character bits and shockingly dull witted dialogue. It's an odd result considering that Story came to the Fantastic franchise after directing the smart, funny, character driven comedy Barbershop.

The results become even more curious when you see the script credited to Mark Frost; the same Mark Frost who teamed with David Lynch to create the complicated, layered and slighly loopy Twin Peaks. The talented director and writer seem to never be on the same page in Rise of the Silver Surfer. Frost's twisted approach to the characters combines a fifties style earnest heroism with an attempt at being hip and modern and it fails rather miserably.

As for Tim Story, he directs as if unconcerned about the characters and their awkward, embarrassing moments. Story's sole concern is the action and effects and his attention to detail is really impressive on that front. The effects and action are as impressive as anything in Spiderman 3 or Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. The blockbuster comparisons end their however because where those blockbusters are as character driven as they are effects driven, Rise of the Silver Surfer is an effects only enterprise.

The Silver Surfer, voice of Laurence Fishburne, is a tremendously successful special effect. The CG creation is seamlessly integrated with the human cast to the point where the Surfer suffers as much as the real actors, this awful, awful script. Yes, the Silver Surfer is a bit of a letdown when he speaks, with his windy ethereal voice and vaguely menacing pronouncements. Still, as a special effect, as an example of how the world of CG technology has progressed; the Silver Surfer is among the most impressive things you will see at the movies this year.

As for the human cast of Fantastic Four, the same issues that plagued the first film continue to plague this film. Jessica Alba remains super hot but still miscast as the too young Sue Storm. Ioan Gruffaud continues to be a charisma free leading man noticeably uncomfortable as a comic book superhero. And Michael Chiklis; though he is physically perfect for the role of The Thing, his comic moments are as awkward as the punchlines he's supposed to deliver.

The only one who seems perfectly cast and comfortable with even the goofiest dialogue and most embarrassing attempts at humor and earnestness is Chris Evans. Achieving just the right mix of cheeseball self awareness and cocky attitude, Evans' Johnny Storm is the one character who makes something of this regrettable mess. It helps that Johnny is the only one of the four whose subplot has some juice.

When Johnny confronts the Surfer for the first time he has his molecules scramble to the point where if he touches one of the other Fantastics he switches powers with them. His impulsive nature and desperate need to get his power back leads to more trouble in conflicts against the Silver Surfer but, of course, when the time comes he gets to prove himself. In a terrific showdown with Victor Von Doom, Evans's Human Torch gets the biggest and best action moment of the movie.

The less said about Julian McMahon's fey Victor Von Doom the better. McMahon's performance is by far the most embarrassing of anyone.

The fact is that after a somewhat disappointing domestic launch for the original Fantastic Four many thought the series was through. Somehow the film managed to find a large international audience and the pot of gold proved to be enough to overcome the creative bankruptcy. How unfortunate that the creative bankruptcy continues and engulfs another potential franchise in Rise of the Silver Surfer.

Now, not one but two legendary Marvel comics are wrapped up in one mediocre movie franchise.

Movie Review: 30 Days of Night

30 Days of Night (2002) 

Directed by Michael Lehmann 

Written by Robert Perez 

Starring Josh Hartnett, Shannyn Sossamon, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Vinessa Shaw, Griffin Dunne, Paulo Costanzo 

Release Date March 1st, 2002 

Published March 1st, 2002 

I'm really beginning to dislike the horror genre. Though regular readers and horror fans might argue that I have always hated horror movies, that is not true. I loved Freddy and Jason as a kid. As an adult, I find the Saw films to be utterly ingenious. My issue with modern horror films is the growing, ugly nihilism of the genre. More and more this genre that once exposed our humanity and capacity for bravery and compassion, now comes to exploit our humanity and compassion.

The latest film to trade on our humanity, depicting violent death with style, wit and impoverished morals is the vampire movie 30 Days of Night. Josh Hartnett stars in 30 Days of Night as Eban Oleson the sheriff of Barrow Alaska. Settled on the uppermost point of the United States, Barrow is home to only the most hardy winter lovers. For 30 days of every year Barrow goes into darkness. Many citizens cannot handle the lack of sun and take off. The 150 or so people who stay behind find something they never could have imagined.

A stranger (Ben Foster) arrives in town. He murders all the sled dogs. He steals and burns all of the cell phones. After he is caught by sheriff Oleson, he warns that 'they' are coming. Who are they? The stranger won't say but once citizens begin getting their heads ripped from their bodies, it's clear that 'they' have indeed arrived. Now, the sheriff with his ex-wife Stella (Melissa George) and a ragtag band of survivors must find a way to survive for 30 days when the sun returns and 'they' go back from where they came.

Based on the 2004 graphic novel by Steve Niles and Ben Templesmith, 30 Days of Night is stylish, darkly humorous and undeniably cool. And therein lies the problem. Like much of modern horror 30 Days of Night exploits our humanity and compassion to get us to invest in these characters and then destroys them in the most eye catching and gory fashion.

I am conflicted about this because I cannot deny the artistry with which director David Slade delivers this carnage. However, the style, the cool, dehumanizes the characters and takes pleasure in their misery. This brings an ugliness, a pseudo-nihilism to the proceedings that frankly makes me ill. I've grown weary of the stylish presentation of the destruction of humanity.

I get that it's a vampire movie and realism is not a question. And yes; you can argue that the style employed only serves to further distance the characters from reality. My point is however, that the danger that these characters find is meant to earn our sympathy and care and thanks to the talented performances of Josh Hartnett and Melissa George, they do.

We are invested emotionally, engaged by these characters. When these characters, not necessarily Hartnett or George, are violently dissected by vampires, the fillmmakers are taking advantage of that sympathy, exploiting it. For what purpose? Why are our sympathies engaged and then violently and bloodily turned against us?

In the Saw films, James Wan, Leigh Whannell and Darren Lynn Bousman engage us similarly but with a point and a purpose. There is a philosophy behind the carnage, a lesson to be imparted about the gift that is life, the gift that is forgiveness and the possibility of redemption. What lesson do we learn from 30 Days of Night other than fake blood looks cool when splashed on white snow.

Josh Hartnett is one of my very favorite actors. Wearing his vulnerabilty on his sleeve and his wit as well, Hartnett has a talent for characters that win us over from the moment we meet them. His sheriff in 30 Days of Night wins us over from his first scene as he stares into the horizon, an undeclared sadness plagues him as the last sunset for 30 days begins to fall.

Melissa George matches Hartnett in her appeal to our sympathies. Also carrying the burden of memory her Stella just wanted to get in and out of town without Eben knowing she was there. The sadness they share over the end of their marriage is never openly discussed but it is written in their every glance and gesture toward and away from one another. In another movie, one with a depth of feeling for these characters beyond finding unique ways for them to kill vampires or to die violently, Hartnett and George could really make something lasting and beautiful. That is something that the creators of 30 Days of Night are incapable of providing.

What is the point of 30 Days of Night. What are we supposed to take away from it? What is it that we find so exhilarating or exciting about the destruction of humanity. There is no subtext, there are no lessons imparted, this film is merely an exercise in the stylish presentation of hardcore violence. Maybe it's because I'm getting older but I just don't get it anymore.

Movie Review Queen of the Damned

Queen of the Damned (2002) 

Directed by Michael Rymer 

Written by Scott Abbott, Michael Petroni 

Starring Aaliyah Stuart Townsend, Marguerite Moreau, Paul McGann, Vincent Perez

Release Date February 22nd, 2002 

Published February 21st, 2002 

As I get further away from having seen Queen of the Damned I get more and more annoyed as I realize what a missed opportunity this film is. After having seen this film I find that it could have been made without the Queen of the Damned character and been a far better film. It would probably need a new title. but nevertheless.

Stuart Townsend takes over the role so well inhabited by Tom Cruise in Interview with the Vampire, the role of the vampire Lestat. After sleeping for a number of years, Lestat begins to sense a change in the world that may allow him to walk among the masses, in the open, as a vampire. His opportunity is in the entertainment biz as a Goth rock star.

Lestat finds a band living in his old New Orleans castle but rather than kill them he uses them as his backup band and becomes a huge rock star. Lestat wants everyone to know that he is a vampire, whether anyone believes him or not is up to them. His celebrity doesn't sit well with his vampire brethren who follow a strict code of secrecy. There is more trouble for Lestat because his music has caused the resurrection of Akasha, the queen of the damned (Aaliyah).

Akasha wants world domination and for Lestat to be her King. Lestat, never one for being a kept man, soon chafes under Akasha's attention and conflict arises. All of this is paralleled by the story of a vampire historian named Jessie (Marguerite Moreau) who is obsessed with becoming a vampire and rejoining her family. She sees Lestat as someone who would be willing to help her.

The film would like us to follow Lestat as the wounded antihero, but how could anyone with a conscience identify with Lestat? It's hardly possible but Stuart Townsend's performance is nearly seductive enough to make the audience put aside their morals and follow him.

As for Aaliyah, she suffers from playing a character that is badly drawn and comes off as unnecessary as compared to the missed opportunity in the film. She was saddled with a bad script and because she died just as the film was in post production her brother was called in to dub her voice which may explain the over the top vocalizing.

There is an opportunity here to make a fantastic movie, but not like what ended up on the screen. For one, drop the Queen. The far more interesting story is Lestat the rock star. Think about it, a vampire rock star. Is it just a gimmick? Fans don't know that he really is a vampire. His manager has to cover up all the girls he kills. And for breaking the code of secrecy he's being hunted by other vampires. Much like 2001's Shadow Of the Vampire, where Willem Dafoe plays a vampire playing a vampire in a movie, while John Malkovich as the director tries to cover it up to finish the movie.

Lestat could have done a more modern satire of the same story. The opportunity for satire of the record industry, fandom and celebrity is endless. Unfortunately we will never see that movie and what we're left with in The Queen Of The Damned is a shallow, listless waste of film.

Movie Review Dragonfly

Dragonfly (2002) 

Directed by Tom Shadyac

Written by Brandon Camp, Mike Thompson, David Seltzer 

Starring Kevin Costner, Susanna Thompson, Joe Morton, Ron Rifkin, Linda Hunt, Jacob Vargas 

Release Date February 22nd, 2002 

Published February 21st, 2002 

Kevin Costner has made himself the subject of ridicule in recent years as his ego began to outpace his creativity. Costner began to believe the things being written about him, about his sex appeal and his ability to open a film. This ego feeding caused Costner to push through a number of lame vanity projects that he assumed, because he's Kevin Costner, of course they will be hits. Well they weren't and now maybe he's getting it. In his most recent effort, Dragonfly, Costner doesn't write, produce or direct, he just acts. And it's the best acting he's done in a very long time.

In Dragonfly, Costner is Dr.Joe Darrow the head of emergency surgery at some nameless hospital. Joe's wife Emily (Susanna Thompson) is also a doctor, head of oncology working with child cancer patients. Emily is also a missionary who travels to Venezuela to treat sick kids against Joe's wishes. Joe thinks it's too dangerous and sadly he is correct. Soon after Emily arrives in Venezuela she and her patients are in a bus that gets caught in a mudslide that drops the bus in a river, killing everyone inside. Or at least we think it killed everyone.

Back in the states Joe is not dealing with his wife's death, instead he is working 15 hour shifts in the ER against the better judgment of his boss, the invaluable Joe Morton. Of course Joe doesn't care what anyone says and despite agreeing to take time off he still shows up at the hospital to visit his wife's patients. It is then that Dragonfly launches into its supernatural bent, with the children's near death experiences leading Joe to believe his late wife is trying to reach him from beyond the grave. That is if she's dead, her body will never recover.

Costner expertly plays the film's supernatural elements against a background of rational cynicism. There are a great deal of logical explanations of near death experiences, many of which the film intelligently lays out. Also as Joe's friends point out, wanting to speak to his late wife is what Joe wants, so it's not inconceivable that he is making these things happen himself.

Costner is backed by one of the best supporting casts I've seen this year including the aforementioned Joe Morton, Ron Rifkin, Jay Thomas and a woman who is becoming one of my favorite actresses, Kathy Bates. Bates plays Miriam, Joe's neighbor and lawyer who does her best to take care of him as both mother figure and best friend. Bates is amazing and never gets enough credit for her amazing work. This film will likely be forgotten by Oscar time, but nonetheless her performance more than warrants a nomination.

The film's only problem is director Tom Shadyac, the guy who lensed Patch Adams can't keep his mushy side in check. While Costner expertly balances emotion and intellect, Shadyac constantly aims for the heartstrings, especially towards the film's sap-covered climax. Aside from the excess sap, Dragonfly is a worthy rental based on the performances of Costner and his superior supporting cast.

Movie Review John Q

John Q (2002) 

Directed by Nick Cassavetes 

Written by James Kearns 

Starring Denzel Washington, Robert Duvall, James Woods, Anne Heche, Kimberly Elise, Laura Harring 

Release Date February 15th, 2002 

Published February 14th, 2002 

Is it me? Do I not watch the news enough? I'm asking because I've only seen one hostage situation in my life.

This guy barricaded himself in his parent's house and held his mom hostage after his step-dad tried to kick him out. It ended in one hour after the guy accidentally shot himself in the leg. Yet Hollywood would have us believe these things happen all the time. Either its some good guy wronged by the "system" or it's a showcase for some slick talking hostage negotiator who makes his own rules despite always being suspended for his out of control behavior.

The new Denzel movie, John Q., falls into the first category. And though it's everything you've seen before it's saved to a point by Denzel's dignified professional performance.

John Q is the story of John Archibald, a factory worker who's struggling to provide for his family after his hours are cut. The story really begins when, during a little league game, John's son falls ill and is rushed to the hospital where we're informed he has a heart problem and needs a heart transplant. Well, needless to say, hearts don't grow on trees. 

There are forms to fill out and once you find a heart, the surgery itself is prohibitively expensive. Cost means nothing to John who will do anything to save his son including taking the hospital emergency room hostage with all it's patients, including colorful characters played by comedian Eddie Griffin and Shawn Hatosy. It is from here that John Q. dissolves from a moving family crisis film to a stock cliched hostage movie.

The hostage scene setups are strong because of Denzel Washington. As an audience member I automatically cheer for him to succeed. But once in the hostage situation director Nick Cassevetes begins piling on the cliches. Robert Duvall stars as the calm and understanding negotiator trying not to hurt anyone and Ray Liotta is the pigheaded lout who gets to yell the classic hostage movie line, "Take the shot" as the sniper slips precariously close to our hero. 

,Considering we're only one hour in and Denzel is the lead, I seriously doubt he will be killed at this point. And of course, John bonds with his captives, he even let's a couple go, and punishes the standard jerk of the captive crowd (there is always one jerk). It's like an episode of Fear Factor, there is an element of suspense but it's network TV so no one is in any real danger.

The actors involved do all they can with their roles with Denzel doing most of the heavy lifting and James Woods helping a good deal. As the big-time heart surgeon, Anne Heche has the thankless villain role for most of the film as the head of the hospital that denies John's son's treatment. Hospital-HMO bureaucracy is supposed to be the film's main story arc but it's so overdone that by the end, the director and screenwriter are beating you over the head with the "HMO is evil" message. Who already doesn't know HMO's are evil?

Despite Denzel's best effort, John Q. is a lame parable about the evils of hospital politics buried in cliches and stock been-there-done-that situations. 

Movie Review Hart's War

Hart's War (2002) 

Directed by Gregory Hoblit

Written by Billy Ray, Terry George 

Starring Bruce Willis, Colin Farrell, Terrence Howard, Cole Hauser, Rory Cochrane, Sam Worthington

Release Date February 15th, 2002 

Published February 14th, 2002 

War movies are hell. Earlier this year we were bombarded by war movies with Black Hawk Down, Behind Enemy Lines, No Man's Land, and We Were Soldiers. And now, this week, Bruce Willis has a war movie for us. Set in a WW2 prison camp, Hart's War has Willis co-starring with hot young superstar Colin Farrell (According to MGM, Colin Farrell's name must always be preceded by the words "hot young superstar"). Farrell is Thomas Hart, a privileged lieutenant whose Senator father pulled strings to get him an office job rather than serving on the front. 

Hart is a map jockey, as my grandpa always called the guys back at headquarters. When an army major needs a ride, Hart offers to drive him but on the way German soldiers attack them. The major is killed and Hart is taken prisoner. After being tortured by German intelligence over his knowledge of American troop movements we are left to wonder if Hart gave up the info as he is sent to a military prison.

The American prisoners are presided over by Colonel McNamara (Willis), a third generation West Point grad. Although it seems as if McNamara has accepted his situation as a P.O.W, we find out that McNamara has far from given up the idea of fighting the war. In secret, McNamara and fellow P.O.W's are scheming to fight their captors. When Farrell arrives in the camp, he gets caught in the middle of suspicions over the escape attempts and a racial divide among the white American Officers and the African American enlisted men. 

Though the flyers are officers they are assigned to bunk with the enlisted men where racial tensions flare leading to one of the flyers (played by Reon Shannon) being framed and accused of attempting to escape for which he is executed by the Germans. This leads to a murder, with the other flyer (Terrence Howard) being accused. All of this is a build-up to the film’s climactic courtroom sequence, which is actually a cover for an escape attempt. That isn't any spoiler; you know that from the films over explanatory marketing campaign.

Filmed at a former Russian military training camp in the Czech Republic, Hart's War has the look of WW2 Germany down, the period is well realized. The film’s story, however, is not. The pace is slow and while Hart's War distinguishes itself from other recent war films with its lack of gory realistic violence, it lacks the urgency such violence portrays and what helps make people understand just how horrific war is.

The courtroom scenes provide a strong cover for the escape but in comparison they aren't nearly as interesting. The drama is with the guys going under the wire, not with the kid lawyer exercising his knowledge of military justice. Terrence Howard is effective with a fantastic monologue in the court sequence. Willis and Farrell however never come to life. Both characters seem like passionate guys but they both hide their passion behind glum masks, which distances the audience from the tension that should be building.

Hart's War is a slowly paced, slog through a courtroom story that is all a dull cliche. The war is never portrayed as the urgent activity it obviously was. The film begins slow and never gains speed. If you’re a Bruce Willis fan you might check it out, if not, I'd skip Hart's War.

Movie Review: Crossroads

Crossroads (2002) 

Directed by Tamra Davis 

Written by Shonda Rhimes 

Starring Britney Spears, Anson Mount, Zoe Saldana, Taryn Manning, Kim Cattrall, Dan Akroyd, Justin Long

Release Date February 15th, 2002

Published February 15th, 2002 

Will pop stars ever learn?

It never fails that every time a pop star gains any kind of popularity their instincts lead them to acting. Madonna, Mandy Moore and Michael Jackson have all made miserable attempts at acting careers. And of course we're all still recovering from the film debuts of N'Sync and Mariah Carey. Now the world’s flavor of the decade, Britney Spears, has made her crossover attempt with the pop flavored Crossroads.

Britney is Lucy, the virginal valedictorian with a voice like an angel. On the day of her high school graduation Lucy reunites with old friends to unearth a box of childhood memories buried 10 years earlier. It seems Lucy and her friends Mimi (Taryn Manning) and Kit (Zoey Saldana) have grown apart in the last 10 years but now are coming back together for a road trip to L.A. so Mimi can become a rock star and Lucy can find the mother who abandoned her when she was just 3 years old.

So, now we have combined the road movie with the pop star vehicle, oh could this possibly suck more? Well in fact yes, yes it can and does suck even more. Lucy finally finds her mother who is played by Sex & The City's Kim Cattrall, and we are treated to one of the most stupid, mean and contrived situations this side of daytime soap operas. Lucy meets her mother and rather than go with what should be the film’s dramatic high-point, the film cuts to her friends hanging out a local hotel and Lucy returning crying as she explains that her mother hates her and wishes she was never born. How fun!

To be fair, Britney is good at eliciting sympathy. Her acting leaves a good deal to desire but she's far better than fellow pop tarts Mandy Moore and Mariah Carey. What is most striking is how young Britney looks. She is reportedly 21 years old in real life, but in the film her character is 18 and she looks about 14. That's both blessing and a curse in some ways, as her remarkable youth is a tad unnerving considering where the plot is going and considering what I am about to discuss. 

Not surprisingly, there are a couple of gratuitous shots meant to appeal to horny young boys. Britney prances around in her underwear twice in the first 20 minutes of the film. I must give Britney credit for bravely risking her virginal reputation by allowing her character to be deflowered in the film. I certainly didn't expect or really desire to see this but here we are. Britney's journey is arriving where she's going to have sex for the first time. 

The saddest thing about the film is it’s inclusion of Jeepers Creepers star Justin Long in the throwaway role of Britney's first boyfriend. Long is a tremendous comic actor as he's shows on NBC's highly underrated Ed. In Crossroads, Long appears in the film’s first 20 minutes, providing the film’s only funny moments and then is eschewed in favor of the more teeny bop, test screened hunk Anson Mount whose performance is extremely dull in comparison to the animated, funny turn by Long.'

Crossroads is as awful as we all thought it would be, and Britney, I hope, will go back to her day job. But she can do so knowing at least this was better than Glitter.

Movie Review Rollerball

Rollerball (2002) 

Directed by John McTiernan

Written by Larry Ferguson, John Pogue 

Starring Chris Klein, Rebecca Romijn, LL Cool J, Paul Heyman 

Release date February 8th, 2002 

Published February 7th, 2002 

Roger Ebert once said of the movie Mad Dog Time that the film did not improve upon the sight of a blank screen viewed for the same amount of time. I haven't seen Mad Dog Time but after seeing Rollerball I completely understand the sentiment. Rollerball is astonishingly boring on top of being mind numbingly awful. 

Rollerball stars poor misguided Chris Klein as the star player of the international sport of Rollerball. I've skipped ahead of the story, he doesn't begin the film by playing Rollerball, but you see the beginning of the film has nothing to do with anything. My theory is that the director owed the extras in the scene a favor and decided to leave it in the final product.

Oh right the story, anyway Chris joins his old college buddy LL Cool J in playing Rollerball. Leave out the age inconsistency in their having been college buddies because counting the inconsistencies in Rollerball might take as long as watching the film itself. Forget about the story description too, it's hard to call something so scattershot a story. From what I gathered, there is something about Jean Reno being a bad guy who hurts people and Chris and LL want to stop him along with Rebecca Romijn who does.... something. I'm not sure exactly what her function was, because all I remember is her awful, awful accent.

Adding to the idiocy, for some reason there is a ten-minute section of the film around the halfway mark that was filmed with a night-vision camera. We don't know why but there it is in all its pointlessness. As for the sport of Rollerball, I believe it's a series quick edits of mindless violence set to some stupid speed metal anthem.

What is most frightening is that this is the re-shot and "improved" version of Rollerball. The film was initially to be released in August 2001 but after a disastrous preview screening attended by our friends at Ain't It Cool News. The producers pulled the film and ordered it re-cut and re-shot. If this is the better version, the original must be something akin to a filmed bowel movement.

Honestly, when wrestling announcer Paul Heyman stars as the Rollerball announcer and brings the film it's only source of dignity there is something very wrong. If you were thinking of seeing Rollerball let me save you the ticket price. Make a fist and punch yourself about the stomach and head for two solid hours. That's easily the equivalent experience of watching Rollerball, if you also poked yourself in the eyes while doing it. 

Movie Review Nights in Rodanthe

Nights in Rodanthe (2008) 

Directed by George C. Wolfe

Written by Anne Peacock, John Romano 

Starring Richard Gere, Diane Lane Christopher Meloni, Scott Glenn

Release Date September 26th, 2008 

Published September 25th, 2008 

Sitting down to watch Nights In Rodanthe I wanted to get into the proper mindset necessary for enjoying a Nicholas Sparks novel adaptation. So, venturing to the theater I brought with me some chocolate bon bons, a carafe of wine and a box of tissues. I slipped on my sensitive guy sweater and went forth to enjoy a good cry while watching Nights In Rodanthe.

The mood enhancements didn't pay off. Despite my proper mindset, Nights In Rodanthe still stunk.

Dr. Paul Flanner (Richard Gere) is the only guest at a scenic North Carolina inn. It's the off season and the good doctor has offered the owner double the cost for a room. The owner however will be out of town and the inn in the hands of a friend, Adrienne Wells. Newly divorced, Adrienne (Diane Lane) is getting a weekend away from her two kids and dealing with a cheating husband (Christopher Meloni) who wants to come home.

Dr. Flanner has a secret as to why he is overpaying for a beach view he isn't interested in. He lost a patient and that patient's husband (Scott Glenn) wants to have a conversation with him. Convenience of plot aside, conditions could not be more perfect for forced romance between the doctor and the faux inn-keeper, especially after a hurricane rolls in.

The most glaring issue I have with Nights In Rodanthe is the inactive characters. Never do either Here or Lane give the impression that they aren't characters in a plot that is pushing them from one scene to the next. The script lays in little details in such obvious ways that small children could count the scenes till they pay off.

George C. Wolf directs the action with a tin ear for dialogue and pacing. His direction shoves Gere and Lane from one scene to the next with little care for actually motivating these characters from one scene to the next. The plot requires them to do certain things, be certain places and pay off those little details and Gere and Lane do things like soldiers just following orders.

Lane and Gere smoldered their way through the snaky thriller Unfaithful back in 2002 and earned Lane an Oscar nomination. In Nights In Rodanthe they try to  rekindle that smolder and find only ash. Lane is engaged and emotional and from time to time rouses the movie out of its cliche ridden funk. Gere however, is sleepwalking.

His character is supposed to be in a funk but he's also supposed to come out of it. Heck, there is even dialogue referring to his coming out of this funk. Yet, to watch Gere even the romance and the sex can't bring this guy around. Maybe he, like us, can see the writing on the wall and with a plot already pushing his character from one scene to the next, why should he bother expending any energy.

I can already see the emails explaining to me how this movie was not made for me, I'm not the audience, blah blah blah. I disagree. My credentials on being fair to a movie like Nights In Rodanthe are strong. I liked The Notebook, another Nic Sparks adaptation. I liked Under The Tuscan Sun which was just as wishy washy as this but had Diane Lane in a role where she was an active participant and not a walking plot piece.

I liked both Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants movies, definitely not made with me in mind but made with qualities that could be appreciated by any audience. Whomever Nights In Rodanthe was made for are going to be disappointed in this sop-tastic  tear puller.

Movie Review: Drive

Drive (2011) 

Directed by Nicholas Winding Refn

Written by Nicholas Winding Refn 

Starring Ryan Gosling, Carey Mulligan, Oscar Isaac, Albert Brooks, Bryan Cranston, Christina Hendricks

Release Date September 16th, 2011

Published September 15th, 2011

Ryan Gosling is arguably the best actor working today. His performances in the last year in a diverse slate from the romantic comedy "Crazy, Stupid, Love" to the thriller "All Good Things" to the romantic tragedy "Blue Valentine," have demonstrated Gosling's chameleon-like ability to melt into any role and give life to a variety of fascinating characters.

Gosling's latest performance is arguably his best. "Drive" Stars Ryan Gosling as The Driver. We never learn his name, nor do his unique clients. The Driver spends his days as a Hollywood stunt driver and his nights as a wheelman for high paying criminals. The Driver gives the criminals a five minute window to commit their crime. Within that window he will drive them anywhere and keep them from the cops.

The Driver lives a quiet and very private life making certain not to form relationships or attachments that could imperil his objectivity. Naturally, we know that will change and he does, slowly but surely when he meets Irene (Carey Mulligan). Irene is his neighbor and has a small child that The Driver strikes an immediate friendship with.

The budding romance is cut short with the revelation that Irene's husband/baby daddy Standard (Oscar Isaac) is getting out of prison and coming home. Here, director Nicholas Winding Refn twists our expectations by playing the predictable showdown between The Driver and Standard quietly and thoughtfully.

Gosling betrays The Driver's true feelings for Irene with his eyes but his actions are a different matter. In a departure from his code of non-involvement, The Driver comes to Standard's aid and attempts to get him out from under a debt to criminals who had protected him in prison. This departure by The Driver will prove costly and the rest of plot unfolds from there with an unexpectedly violent flourish. Drive is stunning in its violence, evoking the calculating yet gory viscera of David Cronenberg's "A History of Violence" and "Eastern Promises."

The influences exhibited in "Drive" don't end with Cronenberg. The look and sound of "Drive" evokes the work of writer-director Paul Schrader on "American Gigolo." The neon font of the film titles, the synth soundtrack and the over the shoulder camera position in the driving scenes all evoke Gigolo. Why "American Gigolo?" You'd have to ask director Refn about that; on the surface the two films share little more than the Refn's choice of homage.

Though the influences are obvious "Drive" is far from derivative. The ideas in the film are its own and they are executed with gripping efficiency. Ryan Gosling's acting choices carry weight and intrigue and you can't help but be fascinated by what he will do next. Gosling holds you in thrall as The Driver drifts  further and further into danger.

Gosling is equaled in very different ways by the work of Albert Brooks and Carey Mulligan. You've never thought of Albert Brooks as menacing but you will believe him menacing wielding a knife with fierce efficiency. Carey Mulligan meanwhile, matches the intensity and dangerous charisma of Gosling and Brooks with fragility, beauty and empathy.

"Drive" is a remarkable film, artful, intelligent and gripping. The cast is extraordinary and the direction by Nicholas Winding Refn is superb.

Movie Review Lars and the Real Girl

Lars and the Real Girl (2007) 

Directed by Craig Gillespie

Written by Nancy Oliver

Starring Ryan Gosling, Emily Mortimer, Paul Scheider, Kelli Garner, Patricia Clarkson

Release Date October 12th, 2007 

Published November 8th, 2007

“They’re not real so they last forever, isn’t that neat?” 

I want to start this essay by stating how much I adore the movie Lars and the Real Girl. This article is going to be hyper-critical of the movie and I don’t want anyone thinking that I feel the movie is bad or poorly made. Rather, I think it is a memorable, entertaining and moving work made by people of great empathy and care. On a specific level, regarding the character of Lars, it is a wonderfully told story. That said, I do have some issues with the movie that I feel are valid. 

Lars and the Real Girl centers on Lars, a lonely man who struggles with deep insecurities. When Lars’ sister-in-law, Karin, becomes pregnant, Lars becomes even more withdrawn and unusual than before. His idea to cope with his latest bout of insecurity is to purchase a sex doll, but not for sex. In Lars’ mind, Bianca, the doll, is a real woman who has come to stay while on a missionary trip. Lars gives Bianca a full backstory and a life of her own and even has her stay at his brother Gus's house rather than with him in order to maintain propriety as he sees it. 

As is revealed through dialogue, when Lars was born, his mother died while giving birth. This has bred into Lars a fear of pregnancy as expressed in his awkward and fearful interactions with Karin. Furthermore, Lars’ father was withdrawn and depressed as Lars grew up and he eventually took his own life. This created a sense in Lars of the impermanence of life and deeply set his fears and insecurities regarding losing people he cares about. 

Are you sensing a pattern? Lars and the Real Girl appears to have an origin story for every one of Lars’ insecurities. When Lars acts out and buys Bianca and then settles into the delusion that Bianca is a real person with a real life and a voice that he can hear and converse with, the movie has an answer as to why and sets about showing off a solution to Lars’ many problems. That solution involves everyone in Lars’ life and the town in which he lives, going along with his delusion that Bianca is real 

And it works, eventually, Lars begins to enact Bianca’s death, a death that is symbolic and cathartic, a necessary step toward his recovery and re-emergence into a more normal life. It’s not simple, per se, the movie doesn’t take shortcuts. Rather, my issue is how neat it all is. I’m not a professional psychologist but even I know that what Lars is going through is a dissociative state that he can and likely will overcome with a symbolic gesture and a little help. 

But you don't have to have even minor knowledge of psychology to see that Director Craig Gillespie and writer Nancy Oliver leaning over shoulder through the movie and asking you if you understood the deeper meaning of their movie. The constant back stories every one of Lars' quirky personality traits, the source of his trauma, the grief and drama that like caused him to delusionally disassociate from the world is revealed and underlined in often heavyhanded dialogue, just to make sure that the dum-dums in the audience understood the origin story for every aspect of Lars' life. 

I'm certainly critical of this aspect of Lars and the Real Girl, I do believe the movie is overbearing in how the script occasionally looks down upon the audience. But, I do not hate this movie. In fact, I have a deep affection for Lars and the Real Girl, an affection deeply tied to Ryan Gosling's remarkable and unique performance as Lars. Gosling is incredible at portraying a traumatized and infantilized young man slowly beginning to recover but unlikely to ever be fully recovered. He's gone through too much and been stunted for so long that he will likely struggle the rest of his life. 

That fact is at the heart of Lars and the Real Girl which, though it appears to have a happy ending, it is just melancholy enough to leave you feeling a wealth of empathy for Lars, hoping he can move forward but clear in the knowledge of how deeply damaged and often low functioning he is. It's remarkable that a movie and an actor can communicate that kind of depth, even as Lars and the Real Girl tends to lean far too heavily into exposition. 

Movie Review: Fracture

Fracture (2007) 

Directed by Gregory Hoblit

Written by Daniel Pyne, Glenn Gers

Starring Ryan Gosling, Anthony Hopkins, David Straithairn, Rosamund Pike, Embeth Davidtz, Cliff Curtis, Billy Burke, Fiona Shaw 

Release Date April 20th, 2007

Published 19th, 2007

There is plenty of Oscar related gravitas to go around on the new thriller Fracture. Star Anthony Hopkins won an Oscar for Silence of the Lambs. His young co-star Ryan Gosling is fresh off of his first nomination for Half Nelson and David Straithairn isn't long from his Best actor nomination for Good Night and Good Luck. With all of that Oscar gold shining  it could be easy to miss how shallow and unworthy a movie like Fracture is.

This movie of the week, sub-Law & Order-CSI, thriller wastes a group of great actors on a plot full of minor cracks and imperfections or fractures if you will.

Willy Beachum (Ryan Gosling) has one foot out the door. Having just landed a big paycheck; corporate law gig; Willy is leaving behind the district attorney's office and his 100% conviction rate. He just has one case left on the docket and it looks like a slam dunk. A wealthy older man, Ted Crawford (Anthony Hopkins), has attempted to murder his much younger wife (Embeth Davidtz). Crawford confessed to shooting her. The police on the scene found the gun in his hand. They were the only people in the house. This guy is guilty.

So how can this guy Ted plead not guilty? And why did he decide to represent himself in court. If Willy weren't already out the door on his way to that new job; he might have asked these important questions and maybe he wouldn't have been ambushed in court and made to look like a fool when it's revealed that the lead cop on the case, detective Rob Nunnally (Billy Burke), the man who took the confession and found the murder weapon, was sleeping with the victim.

Now, a case that should have been a slam dunk; is now a case that could cost Willy his career.

With the Oscar pedigreed cast and a complicated thriller plot, Fracture should work. Unfortunately, director Gregory Hoblit and writers Daniel Pyne Glen Gers can't get out of the way of these remarkable actors. Placing them in an untenable maze of cop and lawyer show garbage, Fracture unfolds like an average CSI or Law & Order episode, only less believable.

Despite a plot that betrays him, Ryan Gosling turns in a surprisingly good performance. Watching him work is like watching a young Newman or Redford as they came into their own as actors. Gosling has the looks and the brains of those legends and most importantly that classic smolder of a leading man. There is a scene in Fracture with Gosling and Rosamund Pike who plays his very brief love interest. They meet for the first time at an opera and sitting down the aisle from one another; Gosling gives Pike a look that has more heat than your average sex scene. It's a look that only a great leading man could give.

Anthony Hopkins can't help but be entertaining but in Fracture he seems a little more tired than we've ever seen him. Sleepwalking through this underwhelming plot' Hopkins falls back on a gleem in his eye and a forced creepy smile to sell this malevolent character. He also has Hannibal Lecter to fall back on and there are plenty of laconic Lecter-isms in Ted Crawford. Hopkins is still watchable but there is a cruise control feel to this performance.

What the creators of Fracture fail to realize is that modern audiences in the age of Court TV, CSI and Law & Order audiences are more savvy and knowledgeable about the law and law enforcement than ever before. So, when Willy misses an obvious bit of legal maneuvering, the cops seem to ignore pertinent information, or the killer makes an obvious forensic mistake, we notice and it takes us out of the movie.

I spent more time in Fracture pulling apart its legal logic, or lack of knowledge, than I did watching these two wonderful actors work together. It's a shame, because the few minutes I did watch the actors, they were very good.

Two great actors, one not so great movie, Fracture fails to take advantage of a seriously good pedigree. Instead we get a sub-cop show thriller that relies on ill logic and poor decision making by characters who should no better.  The creators of Fracture underestimate the intelligence of their audience and think they can play fast and loose with the rules of law enforcement. However, in the day and age of Court TV and Forensic Files, we know more than they give us credit for and the ill-logic of Fracture shows through.

Movie Review Monster's Ball

Monster's Ball (2002) 

Directed by Marc Forster 

Written by Milo Addica

Starring Billy Bob Thornton, Halle Berry, Heath Ledger, Sean Puffy Combs, Peter Boyle 

Release Date February 8th, 2002 

Published February 7th, 2002 

In my continuing effort to become a more well-rounded filmgoer, I have considered taking an acting class. It might be helpful in understanding just how difficult this craft truly is. After seeing Monster's Ball with Billy Bob Thornton and Halle Berry, I can save the tuition price. I simply need to purchase this DVD and watch it a few more times as this film is a lesson in what great acting is all about.

The story begins with prison guards preparing for an execution. Billy Bob Thornton is Hank the head guard. Hank has just hired his son Sonny, played by Heath Ledger, to be part of the crew and the execution of Lawrence Musgrove (Sean Combs). It will be the first he has ever taken part in. As Lawrence prepares for his execution he is visited for the last time by his wife Leticia (Halle Berry) and his only son Tyrell (Coronji Calhoun). Lawrence wants a meaningful goodbye but Leticia explains that she is only there so he can say goodbye to his son. In one of the film’s most touching moments Combs explains to his son that he is a bad man and that Tyrell is the only good to have come from his life.

As the preparations for the execution continue, Hank explains to Sonny a tradition known as the Monster’s Ball wherein guards sit with the condemned while he prepares to die. Yet again Combs has an effective bit of dialogue as he discusses the difference between drawing a portrait and taking a photo. The drawings will be important later in the film but not in the way you would expect.

After the execution, a shocking series of events leads Leticia into the arms of Hank, not knowing that Hank had taken part in her husband’s execution. The relationship between Hank and Leticia is complicated, not just because Hank is white and Leticia is black, but because of Hank's father Buck (Peter Boyle), a twisted old racist who has destroyed the lives of everyone he has come into contact with, with his hatred. There are also a series of tragic events that give Hank and Leticia more common ground, albeit a common ground based on pure sadness and desperation.

Both Thornton and Berry are outstanding, they put on a clinic for actors with their perfectly pitched roles. The romance between these two desperate and needy people is communicated by looks and gestures that are uncomfortable and tentative but also tender and longing. The supporting cast is equally good, especially Combs whose natural delivery brings a realistic depth to his character. Heath Ledger deserves extra credit for taking on this highly unglamorous role, his Sonny is skinny and desperately weak willed. Ledger sells it even with a suspect southern accent.

Director Marc Foster pores on the tragedy and sadness. At times it seems a little too much and yet he does manage to make a film that is surprisingly romantic and uplifting. Monsters Ball develops slowly but once Berry and Thornton come together the film lifts to amazing heights. I highly recommend Monster's Ball.

Movie Review: Collateral Damage

Collateral Damage (2002) 

Directed by Andrew Davis

Written by David Griffiths, Ronald Roose 

Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Elias Koteas, Cliff Curtis, John Leguizamo, John Turturro, Tyler Posey 

Release Date February 8th, 2002 

Published February 8th, 2002 

Is America ready? I'm not talking about is America ready for a violent action film so close to anniversary of 9/11. I mean is America ready for an Arnold Schwarzenegger that doesn't entirely suck. In Collateral Damage, Schwarzenegger is Gordy Breuer a Los Angeles firefighter who witnesses an explosion that kills his wife and child. Not only did he see what happened but also he saw the man responsible, a terrorist called the Wolf (Cliff Curtis).

Schwarzenegger characters are anything but passive, and Gordy is quick to dismiss warnings from government officials including Elias Koteas, the CIA Agent who was the target of the bomb that killed Gordy's wife and child. It doesn't take a genius to know Gordy is going to Columbia to find the Wolf and avenge the death of his family.

If it were that simple there wouldn't be much of a film. Director Andrew Davis (the lensman behind The Fugitive) expertly builds suspense by keeping the film’s pace clicking along quickly. It doesn’t hurt to use Schwarzenegger's previously established action persona to give the audience the feeling that anything could happen at any moment.

The film's special effects are surprisingly cheesy at times, especially the CGI sequences that look as fake as they are. And at 50+ years old, Schwartzenegger obviously can no longer do his own stunts, so it would help to find a stuntman that looks a little more like him.

Those problems aside Collateral Damage is exciting and suspenseful from beginning to end. The film has an especially good twist near the end that I honestly didn't see coming. Is America ready for Collateral Damage? Well they should be because on video and DVD and it's definitely a worthy rental.

Movie Review Slackers

Slackers (2002) 

Directed by Dewey Nicks

Written by David H Steinberg

Starring Jason Schwartzman, Devon Sawa, Jason Segal, Laura Prepon, Jamie King 

Release Date February 1st, 2002 

Published February 2nd, 2002 

Oh wow, another movie set on a college campus we haven't seen one of those in what... two or three weeks? To be fair Orange County wasn't entirely set on a college campus but I think you get my point about this being much tread upon ground.

Slackers, not to be confused with the Richard Linklater classic Slacker, stars Devon Sawa as Dave who with the help of his friends, played by Michael C. Maronna and Jason Segel, is the biggest scammer on campus. Despite the title, Dave and his friends actually work pretty hard on their scams to steal test papers and cheat on exams. They work so hard on them in fact it made me wonder if the title was an idea from the movie marketing department and not the writers director or producer.

I had a lot of time to ponder things like the title, the amount of salt on my popcorn and the calories in my Pepsi because I didn't spend any time laughing at this early worst of the year candidate.

Poor Jason Schwartzman, when last we saw him he was in the brilliant film Rushmore. In Slackers he portrays the most unlikable movie character since the babies of Baby Geniuses. Schwartzman spends the entire movie being the creepy stalker of Angela played by Model James King, collecting her hair and forming it into a doll and building a creepy shrine in his dorm room. Why anyone thought any of this was funny I have no idea. Don't get me wrong, I think anything can be funny if done right but if done wrong as it is in Slackers, it's just painful and hard to watch.

The saddest thing about Slackers though is its star Devon Sawa who I really like as an actor. He was fantastic in Final Destination and even in the God-awful Idle Hands. Sawa is charismatic and funny with a great deal of potential as a comedic leading man. Let's hope he can avoid movies like Slackers in the future. 

Movie Review: Birthday Girl

Birthday Girl (2002) 

Directed by Jez Butterworth

Written by Tom Butterworth 

Starring Nicole Kidman, Ben Chaplin, Vincent Cassel, Matthieu Kassovitz 

Release Date February 1st, 2002 

Published February 2nd, 2002 

I just read Roy's column about movies that are guaranteed to suck. In it, Roy asks how some movies get made. I have wondered that myself quite often. Not when it comes to Miramax films though. I know that if Miramax puts out an obvious piece of crap with a star in it, it is because said star probably owed Harvey a favor.

That is the only way to explain Nicole Kidman's starring in the dreadful English thriller Birthday Girl. As a Russian mail order bride named Nadia, Kidman acts as if she has a figurative gun to her head. Her every expression screams "let's get this over with quickly."

Ben Chaplin is John, Nadia's through the mail hubby. John is a shy, loser bank teller in a small English town. He explains in voiceover that because the town is small there are few eligible women. So rather than looking outside his own zip code, John jumps online and orders a mail order bride from Russia. (You know you can get anything on Ebay these days.)

Anyway let's try to forget that the likelihood of John's mail-order bride looking anything like Nicole Kidman; obviously she is more likely to look like someone named Nick than Nicole. Putting that aside, let's talk plot. Nadia speaks no English and she smokes like a chimney, two qualities John explicitly said he didn't want. But wouldn't you know it, he forgot to get a receipt so they won't take her back. (Always, always get a receipt.)

Oh right the plot. After trying to send her back she convinces him to keep her by taking off her clothes. She can't speak English but she is a hell of a negotiator. Soon it's her birthday and out-of-town relatives show up. Nadia's cousins Alexai (Vincent Cassel) and Yuri (Matthieu Kassovitz. He made this before Amelie so we forgive him.)

Well it turns out the cousins are actually partners in crime, con men who convince John to rob his bank branch in broad daylight by holding Nadia hostage. Now we must understand that John doesn't know Nadia is working with the con men. Still, in the robbery scene, his opportunities to put an end to the whole thing are numerous. One word to a coworker or any of a number of cops, or during the get away (or not ordering a Russian mail-order bride in the first place) would have enabled him to escape.

Birthday Girl is yet another film where one intelligent decision by either lead character would end the film in the first 30 minutes.

Would someone please wake Ben Chaplin before filming him please? Honestly, every film he has been in I've wanted to check his pulse, maybe hold a mirror under his nose to see if he's breathing. This guy makes Al Gore look like Carrot Top. What a surprise that Birthday Girl has been gathering dust since it's completion in mid 2000. It might have stayed on the shelf had Kidman not had the best year of her career in 2001 with two hit films and a best actress Oscar (which she won a mere five days before Birthday Girl opened.) One of those quirks in timing I'm sure. 

Movie Review: A Walk to Remember

A Walk to Remember (2002) 

Directed by Adam Shankman

Written by Karen Janszen 

Starring Mandy Moore, Shane West, Daryl Hannah, Lauren German, Clayne Crawford 

Release Date January 25th, 2002 

Published January 24th, 2002 

SPOILER ALERT! I'm required to say that because indeed I am giving away this film’s ending. Of course if you have seen this film’s marketing campaign and you don't already know how this one ends, then you need to buy my new book “Teen Movies for Dummies.” A Walk To Remember is yet another addition to the growing genre I have dubbed the “dead ingénue” movie. Cute, quirky chick rescues and reforms wayward male and then dies.

Pop singer Mandy Moore stars as a nerdy Christian outcast who tutors underprivileged kids, sings in the choir, stars in the school play and has a 4.0 GPA. Shane West from TV's Once & Again is her wayward hunk who, after nearly killing a friend of his is sentenced to community service and forced to star in the school play. If that's what you get for attempted manslaughter, what is the punishment for murder? Detention? Anyway our two stars meet while working in the play together, they fall in love, and then she's dead.

This film seems as if it were made for the WB network. With it's appealing young stars and 94 minute runtime it’s perfect for the two hour block right after Dawson's Creek, if you factor in commercials. Journalistic integrity forces me to admit that Moore and West do have an effective scene in her hospital room. The touching and well-written scene hints at a great future for West who reminds me of a smarter-looking Paul Walker.

As for Moore, well honey, don't quit your day job. If A Walk To Remember is anything to judge Mandy's acting skills, Julia Roberts doesn't have anything to worry about.

Movie Review Storytelling

Storytelling (2002) 

Directed by Todd Solondz 

Written by Todd Solondz 

Starring Selma Blair, Paul Giamatti, John Goodman, James Van Der Beek

Release Date January 25th, 2002 

Published August 3rd, 2002 

Todd Solondz is the brilliant auteur behind the blindingly funny Welcome To The Dollhouse and the endlessly disturbing Happiness. In his most recent film, Storytelling, Solondz attempts to combine the satirical and the disturbing and succeeds to a point.

Storytelling is two entirely different stories, one called Fiction and the other Non-Fiction. In Fiction, Selma Blair plays Vi, a disillusioned college girl who, after growing weary of insensitive freshman boys, begins a relationship with a freshman with cerebral palsy. She assumes he will be nicer than most because his options are far more limited. 

After finding him to be much like everyone else, Vi heads to a bar and is picked up by her creative writing teacher, a bitter African-American Pulitzer Prize winner, who takes revenge on racism by having sadomasochistic sex with young white girls. The teacher, played by Robert Wisdom, has the intense creepiness of Anthony Perkins and is easily the most disturbing character in the film.

Fiction is by far the more compelling of the film’s two stories. Fiction is challenging and confrontational with some shocking laughs. Sadly, Fiction takes up only 20 minutes of screentime, just enough to introduce its interesting characters and raise its challenging issues and then walk away before leaving an impact.

Non-Fiction is a somewhat aimless take on the suburbia Solondz so deftly dissected in his first two features. Here however, he doesn't seem to know what it is he's attempting to say. The lead of the story is Paul Giamatti as a wannabe documentary filmmaker who wants to document the disaffected youth in the suburbs. 

His subject will be Scooby Livingston, played by Mark Webber. Scooby is an aimless gen X'er whose goal is to become a talk show host. Also involved are Scooby's parents, the angry and intimidating Marty (John Goodman) and the meek and clueless Fern (Airplane’s Julie Hagerty). There is also a subplot involving Scooby's little brother Mikey and the family's maid Consuelo, played by Lupe Ontiveros.

Non-Fiction is as aimless as the subject of its movie within the movie. Scooby has no ambition and neither does the story. Admittedly there are a couple of good laughs and a strong cameo by Franke Potente, however, Non-Fiction is undercut badly by the unfocused story and the outlandish and ridiculous subplot. The culmination of the little brothers subplot involving hypnosis and revenge leaves one to wonder if the story was supposed to be satirical or serious.

There was a great deal of potential for Storytelling. That potential goes unrealized, but the attempt is respectable.