Movie Review Flora and Son

Flora and Son (2023) 

Directed by John Carney 

Written by John Carney 

Starring Eve Hewson, Joseph Gordon Levitt 

Release Date September 22nd, 2023 

Published September 18th, 2023 

Writer-Director John Carney has the keys to my heart. I know what you are thinking, that's weird, right? But it's true. Ever since his extraordinary film Once, and each movie subsequent to that, I have never felt as much emotional kinship to a filmmaker. I trust John Carney. I am vulnerable to his work in a way that I am not with any other filmmaker. His work speaks to me in a very emotional way, as if we know each other and he specifically knows how to move me. I'm vulnerable to him because I always fall completely in love with his characters. That's a scary thing, what if he takes them in a direction I don't like? What if he decided to kill one of them? It's his story after all. 

I trust him. I trust that when John Carney gives me movie characters to fall in love with, hope for, root for, and cry for, I trust that he's taking care with that. I trust that he's not going to abuse the privilege of having my heart open to his work. I believe with my entire being that I can lose myself in John Carney's romantic universe and that he will take care to make sure I'm okay, that I feel comfortable, at home. And then he tells the story. He unfolds his story via his characters with remarkable care and precise emotion. He crafts romantic fantasy that feels like real life but slightly elevated. He can break my heart but when he does it, he does with good purpose, not to cause harm. 

Flora and Son is the latest John Carney movie to speak directly to my heart. Flora (Eve Hewson) is a loving and dedicated single mother who also likes to party, drink too much wine, and be a little inappropriate. She may sound like a type, but in the hands of Eve Hewson and John Carney, the character becomes a fully rounded human being, flawed and beautiful, angry and loving, a dichotomy of conflicting emotions that come out not always as they are intended to. It's a rich tapestry of a character and empathetic one for sure. 

Read my full length reviews at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review A Haunting in Venice

A Haunting in Venice (2023) 

Directed by Kenneth Branagh 

Written by Michael Green 

Starring Kenneth Branagh, Tina Fey, Kelly Reilly, Jamie Dornan, Michelle Yeoh, Jude Hill 

Release Date September 15th, 2023 

Published 

I want to like A Haunting in Venice, but I just can't. I've written and rewritten this review several times, each with a different take on the movie. I tried to find what I liked about the movie and leaned into that for a while. Then I went hard on the movie and tore it up and erased that. I don't know why I am struggling with a movie that is not really so complicated as to require such mental machinations. But here we are with a film critic having seen a movie and still trying to decide if he liked it or not. Do I like A Haunting in Venice? Yes or No?  

A Haunting in Venice returns Kenneth Branagh behind the camera into the role of famed detective Hercule Poirot. In this adventure, Poirot is several years retired from his experience in Death on the Nile. Now living in Venice, Poirot has hired a former police detective, Vitale (Riccardo Scamarcio), to keep away those that would draw him back into the detective role he's trying to leave behind. And yet, Vitale makes way for one of Poirot's old friends, Ariadne Oliver (Tina Fey) to get in to see him. Oliver is the author who created the legend of Poirot by basing her bestsellers on his cases. 

Naturally, she has an interest in getting her friend back to solving murders and she's got just the thing for him. On this night, Halloween night in Venice, she's attending a seance. She intrigues Poirot by admitting that though she's a skeptic, she can't seem to figure out how famed psychic Joyce Reynolds (Michelle Yeoh) does what she does. Oliver wants Poirot to help her debunk Reynolds or confirm that there is something real to her and thus a confirmation of something beyond life. Poirot dismisses her notions of the fantastic and agrees to debunk the psychic. 

Attending the seance alongside Oliver, Poirot, and Poirot's security man, are a rogue's gallery of potential murder suspects, per usual for a Poirot mystery. First, there is the host of the event. a former opera singer and celebrity, Roweena Drake (Kelly Reilly). Roweena set up this event on the notion that Reynolds could contact her late daughter, Alicia, who died under mysterious circumstances a year before. She's invited her family doctor, Leslie Ferrier (Jamie Dorner) and he has brought his young son, Leopold (Jude Hill). Already on hand is Roweena's maid and caretaker, Olga (Camille Coltin), and uninvited but arriving regardless is Alicia's former fiancee, Maxime (Kyle Allen). 

Though Leopold is excluded, for obvious reasons, the rest will gather in Alicia's bedroom as Reynolds attempts to contact Alicia. In the process, Poirot will expose Reynolds as a fraud, survive an attempt on his life, and then Reynolds will end up dead. Her death is the true catalyst for the film's central mystery, one that will grow to encompass at least one more body and connect back to Alicia's death, tying everything up in a neat little bow. It's all very clean and efficient and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that except, if you're like me, and you guess the plot at hand early on, the fun drains out of the proceedings quickly. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Witness for the Prosecution

Witness for the Prosecution (1957)

Directed by Billy Wilder 

Written by Larry Marcus, Billy Wilder, Harry Kumitz 

Starring Charles Laughton, Tyrone Power, Marlene Dietrich, Elsa Lanchester

Release Date December 17th, 1957 

Published 

The opening moments of Billy Wilder's Witness for the Prosecution set the stage for where we will be spending a good portion of our story, an English courtroom located in the famed, Old Bailey, the name given to the English Criminal Court Building in London. This is important for setting the scene for American audiences as an English courtroom is quite different from American courtroom. Director Billy Wilder chooses specifically to open on this courtroom to disabuse audiences of the notion of an American court proceeding. It's a little thing, a subtle bit of audience manipulation but a crafty choice by a very smart director. 

Our first introduction to our main character, our true protagonist Sir Wilfrid (Charles Laughton), comes in a very charming scene. The comic dynamic of the cantankerous Sir Wilfrid and the bright-eyed optimism of his nurse Miss Plimsoll (Elsa Lanchester from The Bride of Frankenstein), establishes an unexpectedly comic tone for what we are expecting to be a courtroom drama. The colorful performances of Laughton and Lanchester and their unforced chemistry sets the tone for the rest of the movie, a tone that will deepen but never waver from being charming and only modestly mysterious. Our expectations are upended in the best way possible as we are treated to a wonderful comic dynamic. 

The idea that Charles Laughton was only 57 years old when he played the role of Sir Wilfrid is staggering. He looks to be in his 70s or perhaps early 80s. You might be thinking, young actors are often cast to play older characters but, by the timeline of Sir Wilfrid and his association with his assistant Mr. Carter (Ian Wolfe), the timeline has Sir Wilfrid the same age as Laughton, in his late 50s. And the mind reels. Regardless of how old anyone in this movie looks, Laughton is childlike in his enthusiasm. Specifically, Laughton as Sir Wilfrid delighting in his new chair lift in his office is a sight to behold. Laughton's pudgy face and gleaming eyes, so clearly delighting in this new toy that you can't help but giggle. 

This character trait is rather typical of an Agatha Christie character and a Billy Wilder character. Both of these legends enjoyed adding quirky traits to their characters, giving them a depth of personality that extends beyond the story being told. These traits endear them to the audience, bring the audience around to their side with the kind of writing shorthand that too few filmmakers or storytellers take the time for, especially from the perspective of more than 66 years later. We fall for Laughton's charming gluttonous, enthusiastic, personality first and that draws us deeper into the mystery that he will work to uncover. 

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Horror in the 90s Misery

Misery (1993) 

Directed by Rob Reiner 

Written by William Goldman 

Starring James Caan, Kathy Bates 

Release Date November 30th, 1990 

Box Office $61.3 million 

The first images seen on screen in Misery are utterly meaningless. A Lucky Strike cigarette, unlit, an empty champagne glass, and a bottle of Champagne. Visually, you can read into this a celebration about to occur. Indeed, the subject of Misery, writer Paul Sheldon, played by James Caan, is about to finishing typing the final words of his final novel featuring the character Misery Chastain. Paul has decided to end his highly successful franchise and the opening visuals of the movie are an indication of the celebratory nature of this decision. 

But what do these images foreshadow for the remainder of the story? Nothing really. Paul Sheldon will soon be involved in a car wreck. He will be rescued by someone who just happens to be 'his biggest fan.' Annie Wilkes (Kathy Bates), the fan, finds his novel and is none too pleased to find that her favorite book character is being killed off. Thus, she sets to set the author straight. She will hold him captive and torture him in order to get him to write a different, happier book, one more fitting her vision of Misery Chastain as her favorite book character. 

In the context of a novel, it's very clear that Stephen King is commenting upon the fickle nature of readers and their relationship to authors. King, whether he openly acknowledged it or not, was truly writing about having been pigeonholed and seemingly forced to write to the tastes of his readers rather than to what spoke to him as an author and artist. That subtext is underlined in the novel form. As a movie, it doesn't resonate quite as much. We can get a sense of the commentary occurring, but this is a movie, not a novel, moreover it's an adaptation of Stephen King and not King himself sub textually crying out at his audience to let him choose his subjects. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media 

Classic Movie Review True Romance

True Romance (1993) 

Directed by Tony Scott

Written by Quentin Tarentino

Starring Christian Slater, Patricia Arquette, Gary Oldman, Samuel L. Jackson, Christopher Wallker, Dennis Hopper 

Release Date September 10th, 1993 

Published September 13th, 2023 

True Romance is a mixed bag. On one hand, it's an entertaining crime thriller. On the other hand, 30 years after its release, and despite coming out before Quentin Tarantino became one of the most iconic and influential writer-directors of all time, it has the feel of off-brand Tarantino. True Romance, 30 years later plays like one of several hundred movies that tried to be a Tarantino movie and failed. This is despite having Tarantino as the film's screenwriter of True Romance. Something about Tarantino's unique way with words coming out of characters being shaped by another director, makes everything feel just a little... off. 

True Romance stars Christian Slater and Patricia Arquette as a most unlikely pair of lovers. Alabama (Arquette) is a sex worker who has been hired to seduce Clarence (Slater) as a birthday present from Clarence's boss. It's clear to us, if not to Clarence, that she's too good to be true. She meet cutes with Clarence at a Sonny Chiba triple feature at a sleazy L.A theater. She's the only woman in the theater and is clearly going out of her way to meet Clarence. She flirts with the intensity of someone learning to be an actor in a bad romantic comedy. She even seems to listen intently as Clarence tells her about his favorite comic book. 

Nevertheless, the ruse works on Clarence and the two have a great time together. Alabama even had fun, even as she was faking just about everything. This leads her to guiltily confess that she was hired to be his date and show him a good time. When Clarence says he's not bothered by this revelation at all, Alabama tells him that she's in love with him and he responds in kind. Thus is born a marriage proposal as these two unlikely souls tie the knot and set about a life together. Nagging at Clarence however, is Alabama's past, which includes an abusive pimp that Clarence feels he must confront in a misguided attempt to defend her honor. 

Said pimp is a vicious killer named Drexl Spivey (Gary Oldman). Drexl is introduced having a deeply lascivious conversation about oral sex before he murders two of the men he's been chatting with, including a well-dressed Samuel L. Jackson in less than a cameo appearance. Drexl is not a man who plays nice, and Clarence appears completely out of his depth in confronting him. Nevertheless, Clarence manages to not only kill Drexl but also steal more than a million dollars worth of cocaine in the process. Rather than be put off by Clarence's multiple murders, Alabama says the act is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for her and their fates are sealed. 

The remaining plot of True Romance shifts to Los Angeles where Clarence and Alabama hook up with an old friend of Clarence's, an actor named Dick (Michael Rappaport. Clarence assumes that because his old friend is an actor that he will know who in Hollywood will buy more than a million dollars in cocaine for a fraction of the price. That he turns out to actually have that connection in Hollywood is a very funny circumstance, one symbolic of the tone that Tarantino's script is going for, though not exactly in line with the strengths of director Tony Scott who seems to miss just how funny this coincidence is. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Horror in the 90s Child's Play 2

Child's Play 2 (1990) 

Directed by John Lafia 

Written by Don Mancini 

Starring Christine Elise, Alex Vincent, Jenny Agutter, Brad Dourif, Grace Zabriski 

Release Date November 9th 1990 

Box Office $35.8 million

Child's Play 2 is an improvement over the original. Where the first Child's Play movie spent a lot of time establishing the Chucky-verse, how he came to be, what he's capable of, why he wants what he wants, Child's Play 2 is unburdened by the need for exposition or backstory. Free to explore the space, Child's Play 2 brings the evil doll back to try and chase down the child that he tried to transfer his soul into in the 1989 original. Poor Andy Barclay (Alex Vincent), reeling from his mother being committed to a hospital and the multiple deaths he was forced to witness by Chuckie, now is in a struggle for survival with his Lil Buddy doll. 

The story picks up with Andy being taken in by a foster family. Joanne and Phil (Jenny Agutter and Gerrit Graham) are good people who have dedicated their lives to taking in troubled children. They've been asked to take in Andy and though they are concerned about his mental stability, given that he's repeatedly stated that he believes a doll try to kill him and his mother, after killing several other people, they nevertheless relent to give Andy a home. There, Andy will have a foster sister, Kyle (Christine Elise) who will prove to be a wonderful ally and protector for young Andy. 

So how does Chucky come back after having been destroyed at the end of the original? That's never explained. What we do know is that the company that made the original doll needs to cover up the fact that their bestselling toy is, at the very least, linked to a series of murders. It's an association that company is eager to cover up. Thus, a slimy executive, played by Gregg German, has Chucky fully reconstructed. The goal is to show that the doll could not possibly be dangerous, he looks like just another doll in their life of Buddy dolls. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media 

Movie Review The Nun 2

The Nun 2 (2023) 

Directed by Michael Chaves

Written by Ian Goldberg, Richard Naing, Akela Cooper 

Starring Taissa Farmiga, Storm Reid, Jonas Bloquet, Anna Popplewell, Bonnie Aarons 

Release Date September 8th, 2023 

Published September 8th, 2023 

After honestly enjoying a rewatch of The Nun (2018) recently, I was pretty excited for the sequel. The thing that I really enjoyed about The Nun is the design of the villain, Valek The Nun. She's terrifying to look at and actress Bonnie Aarons infuses her presence with menacing physicality. It's a mostly silent performance and she has a silent film villain quality that I really enjoy. She reminds me of something out of the classic German silent horror movie lore. That's kind of awesome for a modern horror villain. 

I also appreciated how clean her motivations are as a villain. The main issue I take with The Conjuring Universe is the vagary. Whether it is a lack of care or a desire to make their villains mysterious, we're never allowed to understand what motivates the evil entities. Why possess children or old women? How does slamming doors or knocking pictures off the wall serve the ultimate purpose of these villains? Why all of the farting around playing scary pranks? Why not just do the thing you came her to do? 

The Nun made very clear that Valek has a goal, to escape from her Hellish prison in Romania. Once escaped, as we learn in this movie, her goal is revenge on the line of religious order that punished her with an ultimate goal of obtaining a thing that will expand her powers. Cool, she has a purpose and she sets herself to achieving that purpose. Sadly, in The Nun 2, it's clear that there was a studio mandate that we get more scares and a body count. 

The first film had a mostly off camera body count. Nuns in an Abbey in Romania have been dying by suicide, or so we are told. The reality is the evil of Valek killing them. We only find this out after the Nun's are dead and their deaths are investigated by Father Burke (Demian Bechir) and Sister Irene (Taissa Farmiga) who encounter their ghosts and the evil of Valek that is attempting to escape. Most of The Nun is about atmosphere and lore and that was really fun. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media 

Movie Review The Nun

The Nun (2018) 

Directed by Corin Hardy

Written by Gary Dauberman 

Starring Taissa Farmiga, Demian Bechir, Jonas Bloquet, Bonnie Aarons

Release Date September 7th, 2018

Published September 7th, 2023 

I love the visual of The Nun. Whether she's a malevolent painting or taking on a physical form that looks like The Terrifier crossed with a Nun cosplay, The Nun is a strong figure of terror. The face of actor Bonnie Aarons is twisted and contorted via makeup and effects to create a haunting visual that lingers in the imagination in the way great horror villains do. Aarons doesn't get enough credit for making this character so memorable, even iconic. Without here expressive face and the way she physically imposes this character on others is the main reason why The Nun is, perhaps, the best thing that has come from The Conjuring universe of horror movies. 

In fairness, however, The Nun is also blessed not to have the burden of the Warrens dragging her down in her solo movies. I admire Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga but they've extended the fame of a pair of con artists for far too long. The Conjuring movies are cut and paste demonic possession movies that play the same beats over and over again while playing the 'Based on True Events' card as is they can trick the audience into buying what the Warren's tried to sell the world for years, a pack of lies about their ability to speak to the dead. 

The Conjuring movies overflow with nonsense in which ghosts move furniture, dump items from open cabinets, and are a general nuisance. The Nun on the other hand proceeds from a supernatural premise and never asks that you buy into the reality of this malevolent being. The Nun is a demonic monster, it has almost limitless power, and there are only a rare few who can go against The Nun and live to tell the story. The Nun has a clear purpose, it wants to harm people so that it might affect an escape from the Abbey in which is trapped. 

Find my full length review of Horror.Media 

My Movie Pitch: Ghost Jerks

Ghost Jerks 2030

Directed by Sean Patrick

Written by Sean Patrick

Starring Kevin James, Vince Vaughn, Winona Ryder, Christoph Waltz 

Premise Two bored ghosts play innocent pranks on the family that now lives in their former home. Things change when an evil ghost moves in and tries to harm the family forcing the slacker ghosts to become heroes and risk their cushy ghostly lives in the process. 

Pitch: Mitch (Kevin James) and Dave (Vince Vaughn) are dead. They died years ago, years apart while living in the same suburban home. For the past 30 years they've tormented and pranked families, chasing them out of this otherwise idyllic home by turning pictures upside down, moving dressers and generally being ghostly pests. There 'after-life' changes forever when another new family moves in. The Forrester girls, Maggie (Winona Ryder), and her two daughters, 16 year old Ivy and 10 year old Dakota, have bought the house at a super low price due to the home's reputation for being haunted. 

Mitch and Dave, being selfish and proud, set about trying to get rid of the new family until they find out that Dakota can speak to the spirits. Not only can Dakota see Mitch and Dave, she can talk to them and the two ghosts, whether our of boredom, or the longing for their own long lost family, begin to befriend Dakota, playing pranks on her mean-girl older sister, various different babysitters, and their favorite target, Dakota's uptight, high strung aunt. 

The plot kicks in however when a malevolent ghost, played by Christoph Waltz enters the picture. He wants to use Dakota's powers to free him to be reborn on to the Earth so that he can enact a plague that will help him to conquer the world. He's been around for hundreds of years and has not really updated to the times. He was imprisoned in a cave for over a century so he still has 19th century manners and tastes and affectations, stuff Mitch and Dave can poke fun at. When the evil ghost employs a pair of criminals in the real world to help him capture and hold the family while he attacks Dakota, it's up to Mitch and Dave to test the boundaries of their own ghostly powers to protect their new young friend and her family. 

Hijinks ensue. 

Find my full length article at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Calendar Girl

Calendar Girl (1993) 

Directed by John Whitesell 

Written by Paul Shapiro 

Starring Jason Priestley, Jerry O'Connell, Gabriel Olds, Joe Pantoliano, Steve Railsback 

Release Date September 3rd, 1993

Published September 6th, 2023 

Three teenage creeps decide to drive up to the home of a movie star because they believe she will have sex with them if they explain that they have been fans of hers for years. That's the premise of a comedy in which these three creeps are treated like harmless scamps on an adventure. Watching the movie Calendar Girl is a bleak reminder of how much our culture has dehumanized Marilyn Monroe and normalized any and all male desires as harmless parts of being a man. I'm going to be told that I am taking this too seriously and if you're the one saying that, you should keep reading, you have a lot to learn. 

Calendar Girls stars Jason Priestley as Roy Darpinian, a troubled teenager with a distant father (Steve Railsback), who works as debt collector for the local mob. Roy is about to join the army and has only a few days before he leaves.  Roy wants to spend these last few days with his best school pals, Ned (Gabriel Olds), and Dood (Jerry O'Connell). The three pals facing down having to get started on life post-High School decide a road trip in order. That road trip just happens to be a trip to Hollywood and a stop at Marilyn Monroe's house. 

Ned, though the most bland of these three white bread dorks, is possibly the biggest creep. He carries around a bible with him wherever he goes. Nothing wrong with that except that it is not an actual bible. Rather, it's a serial killer level collage of photos and details about the life of Marilyn Monroe. So extensive is Ned's obsession with Marilyn that he has somehow located her actual home address. With no one to tell them not to, as this is a fully consequence free universe, the three friends steal a car and head to Hollywood. 

There is an old proverb about a dog chasing a car and the ultimate question: what will the dog do if he actually caught the car? This is an apt analogy for our three moronic protagonists in Calendar Girl. What do they do when they meet Marilyn Monroe? What is the ultimate goal? According to Roy, they 'Canoe' her. I'm not having a stroke here, I'm not mishearing something, that's what the character played by Jason Priestley makes very clear. He believes that he and his friends should 'Canoe' Marilyn Monroe. Those who take things literally are very confused right now. Do they want to take her on a canoe trip? No, they most assuredly do not want that. 

No, for reasons that have broken my brain since I saw this abysmal movie, to 'Canoe' is to have sex. Roy believes that these three men who have never met Marilyn Monroe should have the goal of having sex with her when they meet her. He lays out how vulnerable Marilyn is having recently been fired from a movie and having recently parted ways with husband Henry Miller. It's the perfect time for three teenage creeps to go to her house and convince her to have sex with them. And somehow, a group of people made a movie with this concept and treat this idea as if it were a wacky, good-natured, adventure. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

The Influencer and the Critics

The day I tell a young person that their opinion doesn't matter and that they are an influencer and not a critic, is the day I need to get out of the business of film criticism. Recently, there has been a rising tide of discourse in critical circles where old guard critics complain about the young whippersnappers on Instagram and TikTok who are usurping the traditional space of entertainment journalists and professional film critics. The gripes have some validity in the idea that some who have cultivated a following on social media use that influence to peddle movies while not revealing that their influence peddling is based on the price of being given access to celebrities and the clout that comes with attending junkets and premieres. 

There is something despicable about not sharing the fact that you are essentially being paid for your opinion via access to celebrities. That said, let's not act like this is something new. For years, the entertainment journalism realm has been populated by many real, genuine reporters doing their job and a group of blow dried blowhards whose livelihood was derived from being given access to celebrities that they would fawn over and give free reign to sell their movies unchallenged by questions regarding their movies. Junket Whores or the more kind and less problematic label of 'Junketeers' have plagued the realm of film journalism since film promotion became a thing. 

Wherever there was a marketer selling a movie, there was a 'journalist' willing to offer a vast platform in exchange for the relationship, real or fabricated, with a celebrity. I know many fellow 'film critics' or 'film journalists' whose walls are filled with signed photos of them with celebrities. There is nothing wrong with being a critic and a fan but there is a line that can be crossed when you become friendly with actors or filmmakers and then have to assess their work. The price critics pay for access can, at times, be their ability to objectively assess the work in front of them. 

Myself, I love doing interviews with directors. This presents an ethical question, how can I be critical and have an effective, honest conversation with a filmmaker? I've drawn a particular, personal, ethical line. I will only interview a director after I have seen and liked their movie. On two occasions I've been given access to something that could be considered ethically questionable. Netflix has flown me out to a pair of Hollywood events, one for The Irishman and one for Marriage Story. Each time I was able to see the movie and then meet the stars and filmmakers. I ended up not writing about The Irishman because of the experience of being given the privilege of meeting Martin Scorsese, Robert DeNiro, and Al Pacino. 

I did end up writing about Marriage Story, twice, but that was only because I saw the movie first and absolutely loved and then was able to have a genuine moment with the actors and director Noah Baumbach afterward regarding my enthusiasm for the movie. When I love a movie, I want to tell the filmmakers and film criticism has offered me that chance a few times. But, as I said, there is a line there that when crossed it can affect your personal credibility. Did I like Marriage Story more because Netflix put me up in a hotel in New York City? It certainly didn't hurt my feelings. But I do believe that I shared honest opinions on that movie, I loved it and I would have loved it the same if I had not been gifted a trip to New York City just to see it. 

That's my opinion anyway. I've gotten away from what I intended for this article. My point is that this fight brewing between influencers and supposed real film critics is a very silly and needless bit of gatekeeping. It's gatekeeping born of insecurity and fear. Influencers are willing to do for free what many entertainment reporters have been doing for years, using access to celebrities to leverage a career. Before social media, reporters could get assigned to the Hollywood/entertainment/movie beat. They could leverage their position by gaining access to celebrities and use that to build clout and maintain their job. 

Find my full length article at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review Bottoms

Bottoms (2023) 

Directed by Emma Seligmann

Written by Emma Seligmann, Rachel Sennott

Starring Rachel Sennott, Ayo Edibiri, Havana Rose Liu, Ruby Cruz, Marshawn Lynch

Release Date September 1st, 2023 

Published September 1st, 2023 

Queer kids are horny too. This should not surprise anyone but our popular culture, our culture in general has tried to hide from this fact for, perhaps, the entire history of film. Queer kids in movies may have longings, they may have desires and even a love interest, but they are, more often then not, saintly, sexless representations of their community, sanitized for the protection of mainstream moviegoers, even the so-called allies who like the idea of supporting LGBTQ but aren't comfortable actually seeing that representation in its infinite variety on the big screen. 

This makes Emma Seligmann and Rachel Sennott's Bottoms a rather revolutionary new movie. Bottoms portrays a pair of queer, female lead characters whose libidinous desires drive the plot. If that's a problem for you, I suggest you skip movies like the American Pie franchise or Superbad because Bottoms, at least in terms of the frank depiction of horniness, is no different from those teenage, straight, male presentations of sexually active and desirous teens. 

But where those outrageous comedies play everything straight, pun intended, Bottoms starts from a recognizable reality and spins out to a broad story that satirizes the tropes of High School comedies while getting at the heart of the anxieties that drive teenagers, gay or straight. Much like the equally spiky 80s comedy of Heathers, Bottoms presents High School life as violent dystopic, minefield of social expectations while reveling in the catharsis that can come from stepping around the expected into a place that disrupts the norms with gleeful intent. 

Bottoms stars Rachel Sennott and Ayo Edibiri as best friends, P.J and Josie. Outcasts since kindergarten, the queer teens are hopeful that the start of a new school year can be a restart to their High School lives and personas. Both have crushes on cheerleaders that are destined to be unrequited but where P.J is willing to press the issue, Josie prefers a depressing long game that she lays out in one of the funniest monologues of 2023, punctuated by a perfect quip from Sennott's P.J for one of my favorite laughs of the year. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media

Movie Review The Equalizer 3

The Equalizer 3 (2023) 

Directed by Antoine Fuqua 

Written by Richard Wenk 

Starring Denzel Washington, Dakota Fanning, David Denman 

Release Date September 1st, 2023 

Published September 1st, 2023 

I was not ready for how astonishingly violent The Equalizer 3 is. In the opening scenes we see a parade of viscera, a series of dead bodies that have been wrecked and bloodied in a fashion that would shame Jason Voorhees. When we finally see the man responsible for this buffet of brutality, our old friend Robert McCall (Denzel Washington), he's being held at gunpoint but seconds away from murdering everyone in the room. In a scene punctuating moment, McCall picks up a shotgun and blasts buckshot into the backside of the main baddie as he attempts to crawl away. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review Dude Bro Party Massacre 3

Dude Bro Party Massacre 3 (2015) 

Directed by John Salmon, Michael Rousselet, Tomm Jacobsen, Joey Scoma 

Written by Alec Owen 

Starring Alec Owen, Greg Sestero, Patton Oswalt, Nina Hartley 

Release Date July 7th, 2015 Re-Release Date September 1st, 2023 

Published August 31st, 2023 

Dude Bro Party Massacre 3 is a glorious piece of horror satire. Released in 2015, this comic send up of 80s horror tropes and Dude Bro caricatures is now getting a special re-release for on-demand rental on Friday, September 1st. The creation of 5 Second Films, Dude Bro Party Massacre 3 comically satirizes 80s horror movies by picking an in progress franchise with a deathless villain named Motherface and a group of Dude Bro frat guys who make terrific bloody fodder for inventive and imaginative horror movie death scenes. 

Dude Bro Party Massacre tells the story of a twin frat brothers, one of whom has survived two previous Dude Bro Party Massacres at the hands of the vengeful Motherface. The twins are played by Screenwriter Alec Owen and part three picks up with the brother who'd starred in the previous massacres being murdered. This his more shy and reserved twin brother to his old college campus to investigate his brother's death. To do this, he will have to join his late brother's frat, Delta Bi, a group of hard partying survivors known for their epic parties and epic pranks. 

In classic frat movie fashion, those darn Delta Bi's are major pranksters and troublemakers. The only difference is that there pranks tend to have a body count. The frat was responsible for more than 4000 deaths but hey, it's just a prank bro. They also toppled a South American dictator? Maybe? These scenes are hilariously presented as boys will boys stuff punished with a week long suspension, during Greek Week, so you know they are in real trouble. 

The suspension is a ruse to get the Dude Bros of Delta Bi off the campus and onto a lake side where they are set up to be killed by Mother Face. As happens in long in the tooth 80s franchise horror, new supernatural elements tend to get added to the plot. Here, the local sheriff, played in a brilliant cameo by Patton Oswalt needs the Dude Bros to be killed and a virgin sacrifice in order to protect the town from some vaguely specified demonic presence. The sheriff has conspired with the College Dean, played by adult film star Nina Hartley to set up the Dude Bros while he sets up a former Dude Bro turned cop to be the virgin sacrifice. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media 

Classic Movie Review Surf Ninjas

Surf Ninjas (1993) 

Directed by Neal Israel 

Written by Dan Gordon, Neal Israel 

Starring Ernie Reyes Jr, Ernie Reyes Sr, Leslie Nielsen, Rob Schneider 

Release Date August 20th, 1993 

Published August 29th, 2023 

With apologies to Ernie Reyes, Jr and Sr, Surf Ninjas is a truly terrible movie. This incomprehensible mess of a kids movie posits a world where orphan brothers are protected by a homeless drifter who may or may not be their father and who stealthily dispatches of ninjas looking to kill his children. The kids are unaware of the constant peril they live in and they don't seem to have any questions about their lives, their back story, or the father that abandoned them. They just want to surf bro. Reality however, comes crashing through the walls when Ninjas attack and daddy is forced to reveal himself. 

I genuinely don't know what else you need to know about Surf Ninjas. The plot is rudimentary, the shooting style is amateurish and the performances are devoid of interest. For reasons that defy logic and the ability to suspend disbelief, the brothers go to school with their pal, Iggy, played by Rob Schneider. Is it supposed to be funny that Schneider is 30 years old while playing a character described as a Junior in High School? It's not funny but I also don't know why this choice was made at all. I get that in 1993 Schneider was vaguely appealing as a cast member on Saturday Night Live but why not have him play his age instead of defying credulity as a supposed teenager. 

Naturally, Schneider cannot wait 10 minutes before committing a minor hate crime. As the kids fall under the attack from Ninjas in the employ of Colonel Chi, a hate crime committed by Leslie Nielsen, Schneider breaks out the racist accents and tells a ninja that he 'no speaky the English.' It's hard to even write that line and yet Schneider says it as if it's just totally normal. This was only Schneider's third feature film role but he was setting the tone for the cinematic hate crimes he would continue to commit for the next 30 years of devolving as a human being, and as a comedian and actor. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Coneheads

Coneheads (1993)

Directed by Steve Barron

Written by Tom Davis, Dan Akroyd, Bonnie Turner, Terry Turner 

Starring Dan Akroyd, Jane Curtin, Chris Farley, Adam Sandler, Phil Hartman, Sinbad, Michelle Burke 

Release Date July 23rd, 2023 

Published August 30th, 2023 

Am I more mature or less fun? It's a sad question that I was forced to confront as I sat through another movie from my youth that was not nearly as much fun as I remembered. Coneheads is an utterly dreadful movie. When I was a teenager, with a heavy nostalgia for the glory years of SNL that, admittedly, I had only experienced via reruns, I liked Coneheads The Movie. As I once said in a column on this very website, linked here, movies don't change, you do. That's very clear to me after watching Coneheads for what I thought would be a nostalgic look back at a cult favorite. 

Coneheads began life as a popular running sketch on SNL in the late 1970s. Beldar and Prymaat Conehead (Dan Akroyd and Jane Curtin), are aliens from the planet Remulak who are hiding out on Earth and trying to cover up the fact that they are very obviously aliens. They have giant cone shaped heads and they speak in a staccato monotone, like some kind of robot affecting a human voice. That's the joke, the juxtaposition of the attempts by Beldar and Prymaat to seem like suburban Americans versus the tension of them obviously being aliens. 

It's a great sketch premise. I imagine that it is a premise that Dan Akroyd had in mind for many years before he got his big break on SNL. It has the feel of something improvised on stage at Groundlings or Second City show. On SNL that improvised vibe fueled the 5 to 6 minute sketches with one character entering the world of the Coneheads and obliviously accepting the premise that these are normal suburban parents or someone growing more and more frustrated in their attempt to prove that they are aliens. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Horror in the 90s Hardware

Hardware (1990) 

Directed by Richard Stanley 

Written by Steve McManus, Richard Stanley, Kevin O'Neill 

Starring Dylan McDermott, Stacy Travis, John Lynch 

Release Date September 14th, 1990 

Box Office $5.1 million 

You know your career is not going well when someone makes a documentary about your being fired. Richard Stanley became infamous in 1994 when his first major studio directing job went worse than it could have possibly gone. The behind the scenes documentary, Lost Soul: The Doomed Journey of Richard Stanley's The Island of Dr. Moreau, is an all timer in terms of epic film boondoggles. Stanley went over budget, fought with executives, lost the star of his film 2 days into filming, was forced to watch as Mother Nature destroyed his multi-million dollar sets and then was fired during filming. 

Then, taking a bad situation and making it even crazier, a distressed and lunatic Stanley, snuck back onto the set of The Island of Dr. Moreau, made up like one of the movie monster extras, and was able to appear in several scenes as a background player. No joke, the fired director can be seen writhing and shrieking with his fellow freaks in a couple scenes in the final cut of The Island of Dr. Moreau. It's the kind of story that goes down in Hollywood lore and it all really happened to the young director who was making his major studio debut with a ludicrous cast that included the infamous Marlon Brando and even more risky and infamous Val Kilmer. 

The epic mishap of The Island of Dr. Moreau will be the lead in Richard Stanley's obituary one day. Perhaps, somewhere near the bottom of the article, there will be a mention for the rather ingenious, low budget sci-fi horror movie that brought him to the set of The Island of Dr. Moreau, 1990's Hardware. This hybrid of horror, steampunk, and post-apocalyptic sci-fi is kind of genius and kind of deeply awkward. This is likely due to the director making one thing and executives, led by Harvey Weinstein, wanting the film to be cut to a length that was potentially more commercial, the point and purpose of the film be damned. 

Hardware is a movie that is sort of about how advancements in technology have begun to dehumanize us, reprogram us, and convince us to give up more of our freedom for a sense of security. Through the story of Mo (Dylan McDermott), a scavenger, and Jill (Stacy Travis) we get a glimpse of the modern condition of the world, one where scrappers can thrive if they are willing to risk their lives and artists, like Jill, struggle to get by despite creating transcendent works of art, things that belong in museums that no longer exist. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media 

Documentary Review The Disappearance of Shere Hite

The Disappearance of Shere Hite (2023) 

Directed by Nicole Newnham

Written by Documentary 

Narrated by Dakota Johnson 

Release Date January 20th, 2023 

Published August 27th, 2023 

I pride myself on being aware of cultural phenomena, even ones that happened before I was born. I have made efforts to be aware of many odd little corners of pop ephemera from the 50s, 60s, and 70s. And, of course, there were inescapable phenomena such as Woodstock or Disco, Roots as both a book and a TV Miniseries. I made it my business to know at least a little about a lot of things. So how did I not know about Shere Hite? Her series of books called The Hite Report were a massive phenomenon. She sold millions of copies, appeared on every talk show of the 70s and 80s and into the early 90s. 

And yet, I don't recall anything about her. The documentary The Disappearance of Shere Hite makes a remarkable case that Shere Hite's legacy was buried intentionally by a culture terrified of having a genuine conversation about sex and of a woman who spoke openly about male sexual insecurities. What Hite did could not have been more rigorous and thoughtful and she was punished for it with exile after a years and years of men, especially those who had not actually read her book, bashed her in print and in television interviews. It cannot be called a coordinated attack, there was no one man behind removing Shere Hite's legacy, but there were many men, a confederacy of dunces, who worked to dismiss, undermine and destroy a prominent female intellectual and feminist. 

In many ways, the story of Shere Hite is the story of a woman living her life online in 2023. Even before the invention of Twitter where anonymous pundits can share uninformed opinions from the comfort of made up personas, Shere Hite was being met by waves of men who sought any reason to discredit and demean her work, her effort, and her life in general. Whether it was pointing out that she worked as a model and occasionally posed nude, including in Playboy, or just out and out lying about the methodology behind her writing, men called Shere Hite a whore and a liar all while rarely, if ever, confronting her actual findings and what they tell us about the modern sexual attitudes of the 70s, 80s, and early 90s. 

Hite's first book, The Hite Report, sent out thousands of anonymous questionnaires with deeply personal and sexual questions specifically for women. The goal was to create a safe space for women to talk about their bodies, their desires and whether they are sexually satisfied in their current relationships. Hite received thousands of detailed responses from women addressing sex from different economic statuses, racial and religious categories, and so much more. What she found was that a lot of women were convinced that something was wrong with them and it meant that they could not reach orgasm. One of the most controversial theories the book put forward was that clitoral stimulation and not vaginal penetration was more likely to produce a satisfying orgasm. 

Find my full length review at Filthy.Media 

Movie Review Back on the Strip

Back on the Strip (2023) 

Directed by Chris Spencer

Written by Eric Daniel, Chris Spencer

Starring Spencer Moore II, Tiffany Haddish, Wesley Snipes, J.B Smoove, Bill Bellamy, Faizon Love 

Release Date August 18th, 2023 

Published August 23rd, 2023 

Why is this movie called Back on the Strip? That's a rhetorical question that I am merely using as a jumping off point, don't try to answer it. The main character of Back on the Strip has a role that fits neither of the two meanings the title implies. Merlin (Spencer Moore II) is not back on the strip in Las Vegas, he's never been there before. And Merlin has never stripped down as a professional stripper before. Thus, he can't be 'Back on the Strip.' I call him the main character because the movie revolves entirely around Merlin and yet you can sense that no one involved in the making of this movie has any interest in Merlin or confidence that lead actor, Spencer Moore II can carry this movie. 

Back on the Strip should just be called Merlin, or you could call it 'Magic Merlin' and hope that people get that it is a reference to Magic Mike. That would make far more sense than the actual title. Then again, considering that Back on the Strip is a slapdash, slipshod, nonsensical movie to begin with, why does it matter if the title is also nonsense. I'm spending time complaining about the title because complaining about the actual movie is a deeply unappealing obligation that I have. Here we go... 

Back on the Strip is about a dreamer named Merlin. As a kid, Merlin fell in love with magic and dreamed of being a professional magician. Unfortunately, his earliest attempt at achieving his dream was a disaster of epic proportion. Mostly, this failure introduces the running gag and theme of the film, Merlin has a giant penis. I'm not merely saying he has a giant penis, I'm saying his penis is a medical anomaly. The entirety of Back on the Strip hinges upon revealing his secret giant penis and then returning to that as a gag and plot point throughout the rest of the movie. 

Find my full length review at Filthy.Media 

Horror in the 90s Graveyard Shift

Graveyard Shift (1990) 

Directed by Ralph S. Singleton 

Written by John Esposito 

Starring David Andrews, Kelly Wolf, Stephen Macht, Brad Dourif 

Release Date October 26th, 1990 

Box Office $11.6 Million 

Graveyard Shift is a grimy, gross surprise. I had zero expectations for this mostly forgotten monster movie, based on a Stephen King short story, and I was wonderfully surprised by just how boldly gross and silly Graveyard Shift is. Director Ralph S. Singleton has only one credit as a feature film director and credit to him, he made a heck of a unique little monster movie for a guy whose only previous experience was a pair of episodes of Cagney and Lacy. 

Graveyard Shift stars David Andrews as John Hall, a drifter who arrives in a small New England town looking for work. Despite his having just arrived, everyone seems to know that he went to college at some point. Townies call him a college boy and express needless resentment for a group of adults. John does however, make a friend in town. A coworker named Jane takes an interest in John after finding out he's a widower and thus the only attractive and datable man in her zip code. 

I say that John and Jane are coworkers and they are. John has just found work on the overnight or 'Graveyard' shift at a local textile plant owned and operated by the ruthless Warwick (Stephen Macht). Warwick is beyond merely shady, he's covering up multiple deaths that have occurred in his mill. Most recently, the man that John replaced was found mauled to death in the cotton thresher. How he got there is a mystery that will become clear as Graveyard Shift unfolds its monster movie narrative. 

Rats have a big role to play in Graveyard Shift. Let's just say that this is not a movie that PETA would find acceptable. Rats are never a welcome site but the abuse and violence aimed their way in Graveyard Shift is almost enough to make you feel bad for the plague spreading little pests. Rats are everywhere in Graveyard Shift and even our hero John is not afraid to demonstrate his disdain for the little buggers. An important plot point finds John using his trusty slingshot to fire empty soda cans at invading rats near his thresher, unaware that antagonizing the rats got the last guy on this shift killed. 

The rats are responsible for introducing the best thing about Graveyard Shift, the performance of horror movie MVP Brad Dourif. Indulging in his show-stealing, scene-stealing character actor schtick, Dourif plays a deeply gross and tormented exterminator who delights in his chosen profession. That Dourif's rat-catcher is going to die is not in question. How he dies and how gruesome that death will be is only a matter of patience on our part. Until his very expected demise however, Dourif is completely awesome, a wildly out of control weirdo who is so much gross fun to watch. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media