Movie Review Friday the 13th (Remake)

Friday the 13th (2009) 

Directed by Marcus Nispel 

Written by Damian Shannon, Michael Swift 

Starring Jared Padalecki, Danielle Panabaker, Amanda Righetti, Travis Van Winkle, Aaron Yoo

Release Date February 13th, 2009 

Published February 13th, 2009 

I get why horror movies are popular. Who doesn't love a good scare. The horror masters of the 70's and 80's used gore and nudity to tantalize our lower brain and piled a little suspense on top to keep us completely engaged. The mixture created an era in the genre that cannot be matched and is long over. The modern horror film has devolved from the standards of the classics. The modern obsession with torture and 'realism' has turned a lowbrow genre into a frightening reflection of a devolving society. If the latest addition to the torture porn genre, Friday the 13th the remake, is what modern horror audiences want, god help us all.

The latest 're-imagining' from the ugly sad minds of producer Michael Bay and director Marcus Nispel, the new Friday the 13th takes gory pleasure in creating characters so loathsome that they challenge one not to root for the maniac murderer. Some might call that daring, I just call it disturbing. A group of College kids take off into the woods surrounding Camp Crystal lake in search of a large crop of marijuana. Once they set camp for the night they engage in behaviors that invite the oddly puritanical psychopath Jason Voorhees.

Though ostensibly Jason kills because of his mommy issues, she was killed by camp counselors after she killed a number of them, evidence seems to indicate that Jason kills out of some misguided moralistic crusade against sexual promiscuity and illicit drug and alcohol consumption. Jason's first victim here is a pothead. The next two victims are in the midst of a sexual encounter. The next two? Thinking about sex and slightly inebriated. Once this first group is dispatched another group arrives at a lake side cabin not far from Ol' camp Crystal Lake.

Once again, drugs, alcohol and sex are prominent. On top of the illicit activities, each of these characters are supreme jackasses. Obnoxious, overbearing jerks, especially their douche-bag host played by Travis Van Winkle. Van Winkle's Trent is king douche-bag and not rooting for Jason to take his head right off his douche-bag shoulders is a herculean effort. Thus we get Jason Voorhees' moral crusader. Righting the wrongs of the heedless, consumptive and hedonistic youth. It's a bizarro land of right and wrong, good and evil, that delights in torture and murder while attempting to justify the killing in a wildly odd moralistic fashion.

Like a crazed bible thumper, Jason seeks eye for eye vengeance for the death of his mother and, though he never seems to know it, the film makers drive him to go all old testament on his sinning victims. Jason as a vengeful god is a truly bizarre conceit. The same instinct that drives Jason to punish is the same that seems to draw an audience to witness the slaughter. There is a distinct "Christians and lions" feel to modern horror. As the Romans merely witnessed bloody slaughters we are invited to do so with a slightly more dramatic distance. Actors being killed with special effects is a far cry from real people being slaughtered, but the instinct to enjoy it is the same and almost as disturbing.

Indeed, the modern horror maker does want you to enjoy the slaughter, lingering as they do on the faux suffering and imitated degradation. And therein lies my issue, dear reader. Just what could drive someone to enjoy even the demonstration of degradation, torture and humiliation? Horror, back in the day, crafted super human cartoons who were always killable and always the bad guy, no matter how charismatic or iconic they became. You may have gone to the theater because of Michael Myers or Jason or Freddy but the rooting interest was always in seeing them overcome by their victims.

Today, I cannot figure out what the appeal or purpose of modern horror is. For the life of me, why anyone would want to watch the loathsome characters of Friday the 13th or their ugly disturbing deaths is beyond me. There is simply nothing appealing here and the compromising of good and evil, the seeming attempts to make Jason, ugh, sympathetic, are stomach turning. Friday the 13th exists in a moral vacuum. There is no good or evil, just the demonstration of death and some faux twisted puritanism masquerading as ironic aside. Of couse, these aren't real moral crusaders their are naked breasts and soft-core porn quality sex on display in this very R-rated movie. Thus, Jason's unlikely moral crusade is without a doubt expected to be humorous.

It's not humorous. There is nothing humorous and nothing even remotely appealing about this ugly, stupid, vile little movie.

Movie Review Friday After Next

Friday After Next (2002) 

Directed by Marcus Raboy 

Written by Ice Cube

Starring Ice Cube, Mike Epps, John Witherspoon, Don D.C Curry, Katt Williams 

Release Date November 22nd, 2002 

Published November 25th, 2007 

For all the talk about how great Eminem is, people lose track of the man who paved the road Em is now traveling. In 1991, an L.A rapper took an acting role. Mind you, not an easy role, but a serious dramatic role in the inner-city drama Boyz In The Hood. Ice Cube in the role of Doughboy showed real depth and emotion and brought real experience to a character that would have seemed inauthentic if played by anyone else. Cube had every opportunity to take the easy road. He could have played the same gangsta roles and picked up bigger paychecks, but instead he chose to go out on his own and by 1996, he was writing his own movies.

After several stops and starts Cube finished a script for an urban comedy simply based on real life in South Central Los Angeles. Friday was a raunchy comedy, in the vein of Cheech & Chong. Most memorable for launching the career of Cube's co-star Chris Tucker, no one would have imagined that Friday could inspire two sequels. Now with the release of Friday After Next, could a third sequel be far off?

As we rejoin Craig (Ice Cube) and his cousin Day Day (Mike Epps), it's the day before Christmas and as they sleep their apartment is being robbed by a guy dressed as Santa Claus. Craig wakes up to find Santa in the kitchen but can't stop him from getting away with all of the Christmas presents and the rent money they owe the next day. Craig and Day Day wouldn't worry about the rent so much, except that the landlady (Bebe Drake) has a son named Damon (Terry Crews) who is fresh from prison and ready to extract rent from any tenant unwilling to pay. In one of the movie’s many low points it is revealed that Damon has an affinity for prison sex, if you know what I mean. Craig and Day Day's only hope for avoiding a date with Damon is their new jobs as security guards at a strip mall, where their fathers have just opened a rib joint.

While Craig just wants to get through the day and get paid, Day Day takes to the job a little too much leading to even more problems and another run in with Santa Claus. Among the other businesses in the strip mall is a new clothing store called Pimps & Ho's. No I'm not kidding. It's run by a pimp named Money Mike (Katt Williams in the film’s funniest performance) and his 'Ho,' Donna (the unbelievably gorgeous K.D Aubert).

All of the film leads up to a Christmas party at Craig and Day Day's apartment that they use to raise the rent money and where Money Mike has an unwanted meeting with Damon. Of course, there is one more run in with Santa Claus and a chase scene that provides the film’s funniest moments. Unfortunately, it isn't until the end that the film picks up steam and provides the few chuckles of the entire film. Until the end, it's mostly unfunny stereotypes and misogyny. Throw in a little gay bashing and you have a comedy that is attempting to push the boundaries of political correctness but failing miserably.

I believe anything can be funny in the right context and intent, but there is nothing funny about the character of Damon threatening to force guys to have sex with him. Ice Cube's script too often falls back on the excuse that because the characters are black they can make fun of black stereotypes. The problem is that the stereotypes aren't funny. You would expect stereotypical characters to be played broadly and over the top but too often on Friday After Next, they play straight.

At some point in his career, I vaguely remember this, Mike Epps act was funny, but now it's so tiring. Epps quickly wears out his welcome in Friday After Next and his work provides the film’s lowest of low points. As for Cube, it was sad to see such a talented actor go through the motions as he does here. Even with material he wrote himself, Cube can't seem to wake up. And sadly, with the successful opening weekend box office for Friday After Next, don't be surprised to see yet another sequel. If it happens, though, I think I will take next Friday off.

Movie Review Freedomland

Freedomland (2006) 

Directed by Joe Roth 

Written by Richard Price 

Starring Samuel L Jackson, Julianne Moore, Edie Falco, Ron Eldard, Anthony Mackie 

Release Date February 17th, 2006 

Published February 16th, 2006 

In my line of work I see a lot of bad movies. Most are simply innocuous and forgettable. Some are painful but instructive in crafting worst of the year lists. And still some reach a level of awful that seems unachievable in this day and age. A level of awful that only a few, Michael Bay or Uwe Boll or the late great Ed Wood, tread. Joe Roth's Freedomland is one of those, thankfully, rare films. Freedomland is a film that reaches a pantheon of awful next to Armageddon, Bonfire of the Vanities, Hudson Hawk or Howard The Duck. It's a disaster of ineptitude, hubris, and simpleminded idiocy. Freedomland is a shockingly bad film. 

Samuel L Jackson stars in Freedomland as detective Lorenzo Counsel. Respected in the tiny, mostly African American, community of Dempsey, New Jersey, Lorenzo is the wise arbiter of any dispute and the man everyone turns to in times of trouble. So it is, when a white woman, Brenda Martin (Julianne Moore), from a neighboring white suburb, claims she was carjacked by an anonymous black man from Dempsey, Lorenzo gets the job of investigating the case and keeping the peace.

Unfortunately this is no mere carjacking. According to Brenda her four year old son was asleep in the back of the car. Worse yet, Brenda's brother Danny (Ron Eldard) is a cop from the neighboring district and has begun an all out invasion of Dempsey in search of the kid. Shutting down the neighborhood, Danny and the suburban cops have touched off a potential race riot.

Edie Falco later joins the story as Karen Colucci, the leader of an organization that searches for missing children. Though Brenda is difficult to get through to, Karen finally does convince her to let the group search the area where her son went missing. The search leads to an abandoned children's hospital called Freedomland and a revelation that I'm sure was supposed to shock us but instead draws derisive chuckles.

The film's title and trailer points the focus of the film toward the search scenes, toward the abandoned hospital Freedomland. Various characters along the way deliver horror stories about the hospital, about why it was shut down and a few missing children who have turned up there in the past. Then in a mindblowingly idiotic twist.... NOTHING HAPPENS AT FREEDOMLAND!!!

The stunning idiocy of the crafting of Freedomland is difficult to describe. As rational, intelligent moviegoers we have the fair expectation that filmmakers will adhere to a basic logic. Freedomland director Joe Roth, perhaps in a vain attempt to be unpredictable, throws logic to the wind and instead puts stars Samuel L. Jackson and Julianne Moore into an ever devolving series of brain free conversations that lead to one ludicrous twist after another. 

The one consistently entertaining aspect of Freedomland is the amount of derisive laughter it evokes. The film is grimly serious but because it is so poorly assembled and so mindblowingly, offensively, stupid, one can't help but chuckle at the absurdity. How in this day and age does a movie this bad make it to theaters?

I've rarely asked this question in the past. Films like the misguided hip hop comedy Marci X and the bizarre romantic comedy failure Someone Like You with Ashley Judd inspired the question in the past. Those films however, were comedies and comedy is actually quite easy to be bad at. For thrillers it is a challenge to be this horrendously bad. There are so many fallbacks and cliches a director can employ to turn a thriller from horrendous to merely innocuously bad, like say... Taking Lives with Angelina Jolie or another Ashley Judd failure called Twisted. Both bad thrillers but innocuous and forgettably bad thrillers.

Freedomland is so awful it burrows into your brain and begs to be remembered for its badness. I will refer to Freedomland in the future when citing film making at its lowest points. Part of what makes Freedomland so memorably awful is the cast. Samuel L. Jackson has made bad pictures, in fact he was in Twisted with Ashley Judd, but he has never looked this lost and confused on screen. Poor Julianne Moore hasn't been in anything remotely this horrible since Assassins with Stallone and Banderas. Assasins is Oscar material compared to Freedomland.

Both Samuel L. Jackson and Julianne Moore will survive Freedomland, though it will always darken their resumes, and sadly so will director Joe Roth. The man has already survived after directing Revenge of The Nerds 2 and Christmas With The Kranks so clearly the man has a horseshoe up his ass. At the very least he must have good friends to be able to continue finding work after so many out and out disasters and now the fetid, rancid, shlock that is Freedomland.

Movie Review Freedom Writers

Freedom Writers (2007) 

Directed by Richard LaGravenese 

Written by Richard LaGravenese 

Starring Hilary Swank, Scott Glenn, Imelda Staunton, Patrick Dempsey, Mario 

Release Date January 5th, 2007

Published January 4th, 2007 

Every year we get another inner-city teacher drama. The stories are meant to be inspiring, uplifting and heartwarming. They are mean to 'really make you think.' The thing about this particular plot however, is not how often it is repeated; but how often it works. Looking back, over what by now can be considered a sub-genre, the inner-city teacher drama has turned out a number of very good movies. From Stand and Deliver to Lean On Me to Dangerous Minds, the story is similar and so are the positive results.

The latest movie to lift this story line is Freedom Writers the true story of a teacher who listened to her students and allowed them to tell their story. Aside from the true story aspect, there is nothing original about Freedom Writers. What sets it apart is the savvy performance of star Hillary Swank who shows why she is a two time Oscar winner. In Freedom Writers Hillary Swank stars as Erin Gruwell a good-hearted but naive, heart on her sleeve liberal activist who has just accepted her first teaching job. 

It's 1996, the Rodney King riots are fresh in the minds of all, and Erin's new school in Long Beach California is an epicenter of racial tension after a forced integration policy began busing inner-city kids to this suburban high school. The integration has caused a racial stratification, a sort of tribalism in which people of the same ethnicity hang out together and with no one else. Racial lines are crossed at your own peril and gang violence is the price you pay. Into this situation walks wide eyed idealist Erin who feels that she can make a difference with these kids despite the cold-hearted realism injected by her supervisor Ms. Campbell (Imelda Staunton) who tries hard to temper Erin's enthusiasm.

Erin's first day is a disaster. When she brings up the story of Homer students shout back insults about Homer Simpson. When Erin makes attempts at racial humor, the silence is deathly. At home things are just as mixed up Erin's husband Scott (Patrick Dempsey) is supportive at first but soon becomes upset with the amount of time dedicated to Erin's students, while her activist father Steve (Scott Glenn) is skeptical and concerned for her safety.

You know from the formula and the true story tag that eventually Erin will get through to her kids and that they will bond like a family. What Freedom Writers director Richard LaGravenese does to set this story apart is allow his star Hillary Swank to carry the whole movie. Swank plays Erin Gruwell with an optimistic streak that never dims. Erin Gruwell manages to be fearless and clueless but never foolish. She has an innate understanding of her surroundings and though she is naive, her naivete is part of her charm and why these life hardened kids allow her in their world.

This is a tremendous performance with no wrong notes. Swank proves once again why she is an Oscar darling. She finds a rhythm to each of her performances and plays it for all it's worth. Now working in a most familiar of stories, within the constrictions of a genre formula, Swank sets the whole film apart from its familiar or even cliched elements by how she plays the role of Erin Gruwell.

Freedom Writers is a true story. The screenplay credit went to director Richard LaGravenese but it's based on the writing of the real life students of the real Erin Gruwell. Freedom Writers is the rare true story that doesn't get bogged down in making its story more cinematic than it is. Freedom Writers is focused and well paced, it reveals itself and its characters slowly and with great care. Working from the real life diaries of these students the stories are heartbreaking and LaGravenese and his cast never shy away from that sadness. To their credit they are also not consumed by that sadness.

Freedom Writers is a little too familiar but it's a story that is so well told that familiarity doesn't breed contempt or even boredom. It is yet another teacher inspires inner city students to become better citizen movies. And yet, it works. Hillary Swank is so talented that I forgot to look for the cliches, I forgot to predict what was going to happen next. I found myself investing in this story and enjoying it more than I ever imagined.

Movie Review: 'Creed 2'

Creed 2 (2018) 

Directed by Stephen Caple Jr 

Written by Juel Taylor, Sylvester Stallone 

Starring Michael B Jordan, Sylvester Stallone, Tessa Thompson, Wood Harris, Dolph Lundgren 

Release Date November 21st, 2018 

Published November 20th 2018

Sylvester Stallone is perhaps the most frustrating actor on the planet. Much like Adam Sandler, we know how talented Stallone is, but we can never understand why they so often do not use that talent. Movies like Creed and Creed 2 are my thesis statements for how Stallone is and has been a remarkable talent throughout his career. It could just be that the character of Rocky Balboa gives Stallone a kick in the pants but I believe he’s just a great performer who chose to chase paychecks at the expense of his talent. 

Creed 2 is not Rocky’s story but damned if Stallone doesn’t once again steal the show from his young counterpart Michael B. Jordan, a talented young actor in his own right. Rocky is how the first Creed came to be and Rocky remains the driving force of the franchise even as he’s only a supporting player. Stallone invests deeply in Rocky and his performance lifts the film well past any sports movie cliches and into a realm of excellence. 

Creed 2 begins with our hero Adonis Creed at his most successful. Adonis is in the ring fighting for the World Heavyweight Championship with Rocky in his corner. Creed is focused and determined and while he’s not dominating his opponent, he’s outclassing him with his technique and just like that, Adonis Creed is the champ. Most sports movies build to this point but Creed has other lessons to impart and thus the title fight is only the beginning. 

Somewhere in the Ukraine, in bombed out gyms on the edge of bombed out towns we see a familiar old face. Ivan Drago (Dolph Lundgren) is at ringside with his monster of a son Viktor Drago (Florian Monteanu) in the ring hurting people. In the crowd is a promoter named Buddy Marcelle (Russell Hornsby) who has gone all the way to the Ukraine because he could smell money. The idea of Creed versus Drago is one few shyster promoters could pass up. 

For the uninitiated, Ivan Drago is the fighter who killed Apollo Creed in the boxing ring in 1986, as depicted in Rocky 4. Sensing a media sensation, Marcelle returns to Philadelphia with the Drago’s in tow intending to get a big payday by antagonizing Adonis Creed into a fight. The ruse works despite Rocky refusing to be in Adonis’ corner for the bout and the title will be defended. What happens next you should see for yourself when you see Creed. 

There are elements here that don’t quite work so let’s get those out of the way quickly. The character of Buddy Marcelle is a giant waste of time. I like actor Russell Hornsby but the way he’s filmed in the movie places a weight and importance on him that isn’t part of the movie. Director Steven Caple Jr makes Marcelle appear important with portentous cuts to him watching Creed’s title fight and him watching Drago in the Ukraine. 

Marcelle has one scene with Adonis Creed in which he taunts Creed with why he thinks Adonis has to take the fight and then he’s pretty much done for the movie. He’s entirely worthless. At a certain point in the movie, Ivan Drago becomes the guy pushing for the fight to happen and Marcelle is a shadow of a character. Why was such importance placed on him? He was kind of a plot bridge but the movie could happen entirely without him. 

Thankfully, that’s my main gripe with Creed 2. One unnecessary and poorly crafted character doesn’t ruin the movie. It just stuck in my brain a little and bugged me. The rest of Creed 2 is far better constructed. The film settles on questions of fathers and sons, of pride and vanity. Michael B. Jordan’s Adonis is playing out the insecurities of his character via boxing and ego. It’s a wonderfully well motivated performance of complex and involving emotions. 

Michael B. Jordan is as strong as you expect him to be, considering what a great run he’s on having soared into super-stardom in Black Panther earlier this year. What I found unexpected was the performance of Sylvester Stallone who is better than ever as Rocky. This war horse character has aged brilliantly and Creed 2 gives us a sense of the entire scope of Rocky’s life in just a few short scenes. 

Adonis fights Drago twice in Creed 2 and Rocky makes both fights even more compelling with how he is portrayed. Rocky watching the first fight is heart rending and him getting Creed ready for the second fight is exciting and powerful to the point where the outcome of the fight doesn’t matter. By then the lessons have been learned and the fight is a glorious exclamation point on, arguably, the best training sequence in any boxing movie ever. 

No joke, I thought the young man sitting next to me was going to go jump into a fight immediately after the movie just from being so pumped up by this killer sequence. This series of scenes set to a powerful hip hop and orchestral score is completely awesome. I kind of wanted to fight after this sequence. The sweat and the pain of this sequence are awesomely visceral and compelling to the point that the fight is almost a nice way to settle down for the final act of the movie. 

Creed 2 is not quite as artful as the original but, to be fair, that film had a genuine auteur in Ryan Coogler behind the camera. Steven Caple Jr has a ways to go but he’s off to a really great start here. Creed is a wildly entertaining movie, good enough to escape the stink of the sports movie genre, if not strong enough to be a truly great movie. The film has minor flaws but the big takeaways are Stallone is incredible when he wants to be and the Creed movies may have legs for another outing. 

I wish Sylvester Stallone had spent more time in his career actually acting. As Creed and Creed 2 show when he wants to, he can turn on the craft. It’s not just the nostalgia for the character of Rocky at play, though that is some of it. The reality is that Stallone can turn the acting on and off when he wants to, when he’s motivated to be great, he can be transcendentally good and that’s what we see in Creed and in this sequel.

Movie Review: Creature

Creature (2011) 

Directed by Fred M Andrews 

Written by Fred M Andrews, Tracy Morse 

Starring Sig Haig, Mehcad Brooks, Serinda Swan, Amanda Fuller 

Release Date (NA) 

Published October 5th, 2011 

This review of Creature will be filled with spoilers, you’ve been warned. The fact is, there is nothing worth writing about Creature if you can’t use a few spoilers. I have to be able to tell you about the creature at the center of Creature and in doing so I will ruin what is the only reason to see this movie. Then again, after reading my description of the creature in Creature you may be motivated by apoplexy to verify what I am telling you. 

The idea behind the creature in Creature is so baffling and bizarre that it creates within the audience a need to share the idea with others in order to regain your sanity with the verification from others of how wildly bizarre this idea truly is. So, there it is; if for some reason you must have this experience for yourself, tune out now. The rest of you are invited to question whether I am telling you the truth as what I am about to describe will read as the completely false invention of a sleep deprived, caffeine addled mind.

Creature begins as most horror films begin with several nubile young’uns driving into a backwoods town that even the census can’t find. On hand to welcome them are the usual assortment of toothless weirdos offering vague warnings of doom. Among the weirdos is the ingratiating Chopper (Sid Haig), so named because he’s the only man in town with teeth. Chopper encourages the kids to travel to a legendary former tourist trap said to be home to Grimley, a half man-half alligator creature. 

Naturally, the kids are eager not just to seek the creature but to have sex on the creature’s property in a variety of combinations. The gratuitous nudity in Creature is really it's only redeeming value; the flesh on display is the only reminder that you’re watching actual human beings. Now for the spoiler. This is your last warning; I am going to reveal the origin of the creature. Grimley (Daniel Bernhardt) was a local legend in the early 1900’s. He and his sister Caroline (Rebekah Kennedy) are the last of their family which was devastated by a vicious and rare white alligator.

The brother and sister are intent on continuing the family line by getting married. Unfortunately, Caroline gets eaten by the legendary white alligator. Enraged, Grimley follows the gator back to its cave. After taking his revenge against the gator, Grimley consumes the beast down to the bones. Then, Grimley eats the human remains of the gator’s victims; including his beloved sister. The cannibalism turns Grimley into a half human/half gator to whom the locals sacrifice strangers. 

Our young heroes are thus the human in the latest human sacrifice to Grimley and they line up for their doom with typical horror movie aplomb. Creature is a real movie and not in fact a fever dream I had after watching too much Cinemax. A man named Fred Andrews, a production designer by trade, directed and co-wrote Creature. Andrews and a man named Tracy Morse sat together and conceived of this idea. They took this idea to another man who then secured financing and distribution for Creature.

I recount this information not for your benefit but for my own. I have to keep reminding myself that Creature was real. That reassurance in place I can attempt to make the turn back to being a film critic and discuss the film’s merits. If you are one of those souls who is intrigued enough to want to verify whether I have made all of  this up; I wish you well. I understand your curiosity; the film is just as crazy as I have described. I don’t recommend that you follow through on your curiosity but I understand your motivation; I still have to remind myself that Creature is a real movie.

Movie Review: The Hulk

The Hulk (2003) 

Directed by Ang Lee 

Written by James Schamus, Michael France, John Turman 

Starring Eric Bana, Jennifer Connelly, Sam Elliott, Nick Nolte, Josh Lucas 

Release Date June 20th, 2003 

Published June 19th, 2003 

I don't know much about the comic book version of The Hulk. My only exposure to the big green guy is the goofy live action TV version in which Bill Bixby turned into a green-painted Lou Ferrigno. I'm not familiar with the comic book mythos, his origin story, his powers, and especially his heroic purpose. I'm sure the comic has a dramatic force to it, something that the Incredible Hulk seeks, a goal he hopes to achieve. It is that goal that is missing from Ang Lee's The Hulk, a listless superhero movie without a real hero.

The film version of Hulk's origin begins with Bruce Banner's father David (Nick Nolte, looking worse than his recent mugshot). David is a military scientist working on some potion that, according to the military, is too dangerous to test on humans. Undeterred, David Banner tests the potion on himself. We are not certain what was accomplished until David and his wife have their first child Bruce, who has inherited his father’s altered genetics. David soon realizes he made a terrible mistake, but before he can find a cure for his son, the military shuts him down. So David blows up the facility and returns home where something really bad happens. It's clear to the audience, but young Bruce blocks the memory.

Flash forward and Bruce, in the person of Black Hawk Down's Eric Bana, is working as a scientist on a military base. With his ex-girlfriend Betty Ross and another classmate, Bruce is unknowingly working on the same project his father had begun years earlier, an experiment that uses gamma rays to heal injuries without surgery. What Bruce doesn't know is that his father is back from prison. David Banner has taken a job as a janitor in the lab, not only to see his son but to take revenge on the man who shut down his lab, General Ross (Sam Elliot). Oh, and the General is also Betty's father.

When Bruce's experiment goes bad, he is accidentally sprayed with gamma rays unleashing his heretofore unknown alter ego. Seeing his son for the first time as the Hulk, David Banner sees an opportunity to get his revenge on General Ross. He will manipulate his son's alter ego into destroying everything. That is the basic plot as I understood it, though there is also a quick bit with a military contractor named Talbot (Josh Lucas) who wants to harvest the Hulk's DNA to create super soldiers. However, that is an ineffectual afterthought in a plot full of afterthoughts.

Initially, when I heard director Ang Lee was going to make a so-called art house super hero movie I was excited about the possibility. I was thinking Jekyll and Hyde, a little Frankenstein, maybe even Freud. Unfortunately, I got some of what I was hoping for and I didn't like it. Lee lost the real idea that drives super hero movies and that is escapism. Lee's Hulk is so tortured that I'd rather see him in counseling than a movie. There is this protracted plot point about Bruce's repressed memories of childhood. Specifically about the day his father blew up the army lab. Though we in the audience know exactly what happened, Bruce has blocked it out. The director drags it out so far that we are left screaming the memory at The Hulk. The frustration of waiting for Bruce to unclog his memory lasts almost to the very end of the film.

One of the many problems with The Hulk is its casting of Eric Bana as Bruce Banner and the CGI face of the Hulk. Bana, who was so charismatic and exciting in Black Hawk Down, appears to have had his personality removed. This is likely due to a script that rushes him along even while he sulks like a tortured artist. Bana never communicates anything other than painful exasperation throughout the entirety of The Hulk. Maybe he was attempting to mimic the audience.

My major problem with The Hulk is that there really isn't much of a plot. The Hulk isn't the least bit heroic, save for his fight to save Betty from some vicious genetically-enhanced dogs. For the most part, I was sympathizing with the film’s supposed bad guy, Sam Elliot's General Ross. The General does what any right thinking person would do when a giant superhuman begins going around smashing things and hurting people, he tries to kill it.

Then there is the CGI effects that bring the Hulk to life. Ugh! Sadly the concerns that fans had after the poor showing in the Super Bowl commercial back in January were confirmed. The Hulk never looks like anymore than a video game character. Bana's dull facial expressions on the CGI mug don't help much. It's impressive that a CGI character could be so well integrated into the real life backgrounds but I was far more impressed with the CGI realism in Shrek, where the technology really seemed to be at its peak. Would I have been happier with a big green painted professional wrestler as The Hulk? No, it was dopey looking on the 70's TV show and it would be even dopier now, but this CGI is only slightly more satisfying. 

What The Hulk truly lacks though is dramatic purpose. The film is so wrapped up in Bruce Banner's psychology and Hulk's CGI appearance that they seemingly forgot to give the character something to strive for. Is he looking to cure himself of the Hulk? Does he want to be a superhero? Does he strive to control his new self in order to become a hero? I never understood the reason why I should care about The Hulk. And thus I didn't.