Movie Review The Hot Chick

The Hot Chick (2002) 

Directed by Tom Brady 

Written by Tom Brady, Rob Schneider 

Starring Rob Schneider, Rachel McAdams, Anna Faris, Matthew Lawrence, Eric Christian Olson 

Release Date December 13th, 2002 

Published December 13th, 2002 

To call a Rob Schneider movie juvenile and stupid is like looking at the sky and saying it's blue or saying water is wet. When you go see a Rob Schneider movie, you have to expect low-grade humor aimed at the 14-year-old-male demographic. Expect there to be a multitude of fart jokes, and various other references to bodily functions. There will also be genuinely funny moments and a cameo by Adam Sandler. So far, this formula has yet to yield an entertaining picture, but with the small number of laughs culled from his latest effort, The Hot Chick, the potential for a truly funny movie exists.

In The Hot Chick, a gorgeous high school cheerleader named Jessica (Rachel McAdams) rules her school with a scathing wit and disregard for her classmates' feelings. Jessica's life is perfect: she is head cheerleader, likely to be the prom queen, and she is in love with the star quarterback (Matthew Lawrence). Of course, karma has it in for this chick and it strikes when she steals a pair of ancient earrings from an unusual shop in the mall. The earrings' backstory, explained at the beginning of the film, is that they belonged to a woman who was promised into a marriage she did not want. 

Therefore, she uses the earrings' mystical power to trade bodies with a peasant girl. After Jessica loses one of the earrings and it is found by a petty criminal named Clive (Schneider), she wakes up in Clive's body and vice versa. Desperate for help, she seeks out her best friend April (Scary Movie's Anna Faris) for help. Not surprisingly April doesn't believe the strange man in front of her is her best friend but after some intimate details are shared, April realizes that this is indeed Jessica.

We have seen this set up before. In fact, in the 1980s, the body switching stuff was a genre unto its own. Anyone remember Kirk Cameron and Dudley Moore in Like Father Like Son or Judge Reinhold and Fred Savage in Vice Versa or George Burns and Charlie Schlatter in 18 Again? (And the list goes on and on.) Schneider and his co-writer/director Tom Brady do not do anything to improve upon this lame genre; merely adding gross-out jokes is not my idea of improvement. Still, Schneider's game performance has its moments, and McAdams really shines as the bitchy cheerleader.

The Hot Chick is not a very good movie but it's not nearly as bad as your average Schneider/Sandler offering. It's slightly tamer than anything he's done before, and it has some genuinely funny moments; not nearly enough laughs for me to recommend it, but not so bad as to be avoided at all costs.

Movie Review: Drumline

Drumline (2002) 

Directed by Charles Stone III 

Written by Tina Gordon Chism

Starring Nick Cannon, Zoe Saldana, Orlando Jones, Jason Weaver

Release Date December 13th, 2002 

Published December 10th, 2002

Every year Grambling University plays a football game against Southern University. The game is notable because it is played in the Louisiana Superdome and airs nationwide on Black Entertainment Television. And even when Grambling was coached by the legendary Eddie Robinson, the winningest coach of a black college team in history, the huge crowds did not come for the football; they came to see the halftime show. The showdown between these two amazing talented bands is worth the price of admission--even if you're not a football fan.

At many traditionally black colleges, the halftime show, where the bands take the field for precisely choreographed musical mayhem that mixes traditional marching band music with modern hip hop and dance, is as highly anticipated as the game itself is. Yet, the movie Drumline--made as a tribute to this unique phenomenon--fails to capture the obvious spirit and emotion that drives it.

Nick Cannon, star of his own Nickelodeon TV variety show, stars in Drumlineas Devon, a cocky freshman drummer who is joining the legendary marching band at fictional Atlanta A&T; University. From the moment Devon steps on campus, his attitude starts rubbing people the wrong way--especially the upperclassman who is the leader of the bands famed drumline, Sean (played by Leonard Roberts.) Soon, the two headstrong drummers are at each other's throats and their pettiness does not go unnoticed by the schools bandleader, Dr. James Lee (former Seven-Up spokesperson, Orlando Jones.)

Soon, Devon's attitude and battle with Sean leads him to be kicked off the team. All the while, Devon has a budding relationship with a dancer named Laila (Zoe Saldana). That relationship is also affected by Devon's problems in the marching band.

It's not long before Devon is reformed and begins to work his way back into the band in time for the battle of the bands. In true sports movie fashion, Drumline comes down to a one-on-one showdown between A&T; and their crosstown rivals, Morris Brown University. (In reality, Morris Brown is a real college with one of the most sensational marching bands in the country.)

The marching band competition is staged well, despite its fictional origins. Watching the amazing choreography and skill of the bands is a treat, but the film as a whole is a pale imitation of the sports movie cliches many critics claim it defies. The fact is that this is another Rocky-esque movie where people overcome great odds to succeed on a big stage. Drumline is like a sports movie without the sports.

The film's biggest problems are its lead performances by Cannon and Jones. Cannon isn't a bad actor but his character is so intensely obnoxious and unlikable, I can't imagine wanting to watch a film about him. As for Jones, something has always bothered me about him as an actor and Drumline exposes that something. There is something in Jones' voice, an affectation that makes every word out of his mouth seem insincere. In Drumline, he is called on to deliver some very straight, very earnest dialogue, but that vocal affectation of his makes him impossible to take seriously.

Drumline is a well-crafted film and a marginally entertaining one when the action is focused on the bands performing. However, everything that happens around performances is all dull cliche and wrongheaded character development. I would recommend it only for hardcore band geeks.

Movie Review: About Schmidt

About Schmidt (2002) 

Directed by Alexander Payne 

Written by Alexander Payne, Jim Taylor

Starring Jack Nicholson, Hope Davis, Dermot Mulroney, Kathy Bates, 

There have been a few times in Jack Nicholson's career where the image of Jack, the iconic ladies man, Laker fan Jack, the famous image, overcame the actor Jack Nicholson. Films like Wolf and even his role as The Joker in Batman showed Nicholson mugging for the camera and playing off his image rather than his talent. Then, in the early 2000’s, Nicholson seemingly set out to destroy ‘Jack’ the image and return to Jack the Actor. The Pledge, one of the best films of 2001, showcased Nicholson in a role stripped of any glamour or vanity. The Pledge is a slow boil performance that is both subtle and heartbreaking. And in About Schmidt, Jack goes for yet another unglamorous, though more mainstream, role as an aging retiree trapped in a life unlived.

As Warren Schmidt, Nicholson is a 66-year-old insurance company actuary. It’s a job Warren tells us has endowed him with the ability to determine just how long people will live. Thus, Warren is well aware of his own mortality as he sits at his retirement dinner with his wife of 42 years played by June Squibb. 42 long years, 42 very, long, years. As Warren describes in a very funny voiceover: “Who is this old woman in my bed?”

Warren and his wife have one daughter, Jeannie (Hope Davis) who is soon to be married. Though he is not allowed to say anything about the wedding by his domineering wife, Warren secretly hates his daughter’s fiance, played by Dermot Mulroney. This isn't your typical ‘no man is good enough for my daughter hatred.’ As Warren introduces his daughter’s fiance, in his voiceover, we are quick to see just what a real doofus this guy is.

Now retired with little to do Warren spends his days with crossword puzzles and watching TV. While flipping channels he comes across one of those child-reach infomercials where some celebrity tells you that for 22 dollars a month you can feed a starving child. Warren, for some reason, likely boredom, writes down the phone number, and is soon doling out the cash and writing letters to a six year old African boy named Ndugu.

The voiceover narration in About Schmidt comes from the letters Warren writes to Ndugu, and just hearing Nicholson open a new letter with the words "Dear Ndugu" provides the funniest and saddest moments of the film. Nicholson’s rye recognition of how he’s really talking to himself 

It is not long after Warren retires that his wife passes away, leaving Warren with an empty house and a newly purchased Winnebago in his driveway that his wife had purchased to drive cross country for their daughter's wedding. Taking to the road, Warren's adventures including a sad, tragic meeting with a couple of fellow RV drivers that is a terrific diversion from the main story. The film however gains it's true narrative thrust when Warren arrives for his daughter's wedding and ends up staying with the groom's mother Roberta (Kathy Bates). Her full on personality is immediately at odds with Warren's quiet dignity. A scene where Warren and Roberta share time in the hot tub is pure comic bliss that shows Nicholson at his slow boiling best.

Director Alexander Payne is a true pro, a visionary comic auteur that deftly combines realism and comedy. About Schmidt is filled with moments of warmth and humor that never seem fake. Thanks to one of the best scripts, casts and directors of any film in the last year.

Movie Review: Empire

Empire (2002) 

Directed by Franc Reyes

Written by Franc Reyes

Starring John Leguizamo, Peter Sarsgard, Denise Richards, Sonia Braga, Isabella Rossellini 

Release Date December 6th, 2002 

Published December 6th, 2002 

When Universal Pictures bumped Empire from its original mid-March release to the highly-competitive December marketplace, many scratched their heads. The only conclusion that could be drawn from such a bold move was that Universal must have been very confident in this urban drama starring John Leguizamo. In fact, rumors persisted that Universal would begin a "For Your Consideration" (Oscar) campaign for the comedian-turned-serious-actor. However, after seeing Empire, I'm not sure that Universal's confidence is well placed.

In Empire, Leguizamo stars as Victor Rosa, a drug dealer with his own brand of heroin that he calls empire. Victor and his crew, including rapper Treach from Naughty By Nature, run a certain section of the Bronx that has been set aside for them by the city's leading drug supplier, La Columbiana (Isabella Rosselini). There are several rival dealers in the Bronx, all of whom get their supply from La Columbiana, and all of whom have their own part of town in which to work. When those boundaries are crossed, even by just twenty feet, violence ensues and someone will get hurt. As Victor explains in voiceover, thirty feet of street corner can mean thirty grand a week.

In Victor's other life, he is living with his college student girlfriend Carmen (newcomer Delilah Cotto). Carmen is aware of Victor's business, and so is her disapproving mother, played by Sonya Braga. Lately, things have been affecting Victor more and more, After something terrible happens to the small child of a rival, Tito (played with surprising charisma by rapper Fat Joe), Victor begins to wish there was a way out.

Then, through Carmen's friend Trish (who is played with eternal vapidity by Denise Richards), Victor meets an investment banker named Jack (Peter Sarsgaard). At first, the two seem friendly and Jack seems to honestly admire Victor's entrepreneurial spirit. Of course, when money gets involved, and we are talking millions of dollars, betrayal can't be far behind.

As the trailer reveals, Jack steals Victor's money, which Victor stupidly takes to him in cash. What is surprising is, despite the trailer, the film frames Jack's betrayal of Victor as a big twist as if the audience couldn't see it coming. Even without the over-explanatory trailer, Empire's plot clips along so mechanically its ending becomes obvious with more than 45 minutes remaining in the film.

At least Leguizamo doesn't suffer too badly from the poor scripting. Since his electric performance in Spike Lee's criminally underappreciated Summer Of Sam, I have been waiting for Leguizamo to get a major dramatic role. He would have had it in Empire if the film as a whole were as good as his part was. As it is, add another line to John Leguizamo's resume and wait for his next chance, because I guarantee there will be another one. And don't be surprised if, next time, we are touting Leguizamo for an Oscar. 

Movie Review: Adaptation

Adaptation (2002)

Directed by Spike Jonze

Written by Charlie Kaufman

Starring Nicolas Cage, Meryl Streep, Chris Cooper, Tilda Swinton, Brian Cox 

Release Date December 6th, 2002 

Published December 6th, 2002 

Originality is a lost art in modern Hollywood. Many people would tell you that everything has been done, and, well, they are right to a point. That is where Charlie Kaufman and Spike Jonze come in. They take a simple setup and make it original, fresh and funny. Being John Malkovich was a wild, literal, head trip of originality and humor. Now, their new film Adaptation moves the head trip inside the mind of the writer himself. In Adaptation, Kaufman writes himself into his own screenplay and the result is a film unlike anything Hollywood has ever seen.

I spoke before of originality and interestingly enough that is where the film begins. Kaufman, as played by Nicholas Cage, is wondering to himself if has an original thought in his head as he sits at a movie pitch meeting. A studio executive, played by Tilda Swinton, is offering Kaufman the opportunity to adapt the studio's latest acquisition a book called "The Orchid Thief."

Right off the bat this could have been a scene from Robert Altman's The Player with a studio executive spouting off about how this book is going to be the studio's big prestige picture, and, indeed, the book itself sounds like a Hollywood creation. However, "The Orchid Thief" is a real book by a real author and writer for The New Yorker magazine--Susan Orlean. And, in reality, Charlie Kaufman was asked to adapt "The Orchid Thief" for the screen. We are merely in the first scene and already the film is twisting reality in knots.

We flashback from there to Susan Orlean--as played by Meryl Streep--as she researches the story of John Laroche, a real-life orchid hunter played in the film by Chris Cooper, in an Oscar-courting performance. A story in the newspaper about a guy and three Indians arrested in the Florida wetlands for poaching flowers catches Orlean's eye and she is soon in Florida meeting Laroche with the intent of writing about him in The New Yorker. The article became the book and was then snapped up by a movie studio to be made into a film.

Cut back to Charlie, who explains that he doesn't want to make this a Hollywood thing, and wants to write a film that does justice to the book. The book, however, is mostly about orchids and has no real cinematic arc. Charlie has no idea what to write, and his problems will strike a chord with anyone who has ever attempted to write something. Rewards and punishments. Excuses for writing and not writing. How the mind tends to wander off when you know you have to write something but can't. 

As I write this review I'm going on almost four days since I saw the movie; not exactly a good quick turn around. I sit and stare at the computer alternately tapping out my review in my strange hunt and peck typing style that drives my girlfriend up the wall. I write a paragraph and then wonder if my laundry is done. Another sentence and wonder if I should get a bottled water or make soup. Then I realize that I have unconsciously written myself into a review of a movie about a writer who writes himself into his own screenplay. 

Adaptation will do that to you as it twists inside itself and torturously weaves reality and fiction. Kaufman does an amazing mixing job, using real people like Orlean and Laroche and even the cast of his previous film, Being John Malkovich, and then creating a fictional twin brother who acts as his onscreen id.

Cage plays both brothers, both a technical and acting feat pulled off to perfection. Donald Kaufman seems to be the antithesis of everything Charlie stands for. Donald is a lazy layabout with an ease with woman and self image far healthier than it maybe should be. Charlie is both disgusted by Donald and envious of him. They are two sides of the same coin. Donald one day announces that he too is going to be a screenwriter and with the help of a screenwriting coach played by Brian Cox, writes a typical Hollywood schlock thriller and sells it for a million dollars. 

My impression of Donald is that he and Charlie are actually the same person and that Donald allows Charlie to express how easy it would be for him to buy into the Hollywood system. Donald's amazingly bad script is riddled with everything intelligent people despise about modern Hollywood, but, on further examination, the plot mirrors the same dynamic that plays out in Adaptation. I don't want to spoil it. You have to make the connection on your own.

Lost in all the madness onscreen is director Spike Jonze who craftily loses himself behind the camera, putting all the focus on Kaufman. It is Jonze's steadiness that draws this wildly-out-of-control film together. Jonze and Kaufman litter the film with tiny details that will have you going back to see it repeatedly.

My review is finished now I can go eat, but I better check my laundry first. Hey I wonder what's on TV.

Movie Review: They

They (2002) 

Directed by Robert Harmon

Written by Brendan Hood 

Starring Ethan Embry, Laura Regan, Marc Blucas, Dagmara Dominicyzk

Release Date November 27th, 2002

Published November 28th, 2002 

Wes Craven is one of the masters of the horror genre, having created a character that is likely the most enduring villain in horror history—Freddy Krueger. Recently though, the successful Scream franchise notwithstanding, Craven has taken a relaxed role in the filmmaking process; that of Executive Producer. It seems that the horror master will attach his name to anything: the horrendous Wishmaster series, Mind Ripper, and most recently Wes Craven Presents Dracula 2000. I can't be the only horror fan who sees Craven's name attached to a film and assumes he is directing it. However, more often than not, when you see the title Wes Craven Presents, it's actually someone else's film.

Still, when I saw Craven's name attached to the horror film They, I was fooled into thinking it could be another great horror film. Then, as I watch the credits, I find the film was actually directed by Robert Harmon whose previous work includes the TV movie Gotti and the Jean Claude Van Damme opus Nowhere To Run. Needless to say, I was disappointed.

Unknown actress Laura Regan is Julia who, with a friend played by Scary Movie's Jon Abrahams, shared what they called "night terrors' ' (not nightmares, "night terrors"). After her friend kills himself in front of her, Julia meets two friends he made in college who also had "night terrors." Ethan Embry (slumming since his funny turn in 1995's Empire Records) and Dagmara Dominicyk (the freaky publicist from Rock Star) are Sam and Terry. Also part of the story is Julia's boyfriend Paul, played by Mark Blucas who should know better about good horror content having spent a season on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Once the characters are introduced, it doesn't take much to predict who die next. Julia is the lead character so obviously she will survive (at least until the end.) This leaves Terry and Sam to wander off by themselves and die, leaving Julia to fend for herself and for her boyfriend to just think she is crazy until it is time for him to be a maybe be a hero. Whether he actually does play the hero I will not say. I wouldn't want to spoil what remarkably little suspense there is in They.

So what are "They"? From what I could ascertain "They" were giant black grasshoppers that only came out at night and hated any kind of light except the ambient light necessary to light a scene. Wes Craven should be ashamed of himself for slapping his name on any dog of a movie that Miramax/Dimension wants to call horror. Let the movie, They,  be a warning to future filmgoers that just because a film has a quality name on it, it doesn't guarantee a quality film.

Movie Review Personal Velocity

Personal Velocity (2002) 

Directed by Rebecca Miller

Written by Rebecca Miller

Starring Kyra Sedgwick, Parker Posey, Fairuza Balk 

Release Date November 27th, 2002 

Published December 25th, 2002

I have many times in the past lamented the lack of good roles for women in Hollywood. 2002 did a great deal to quiet my complaints offering a wide range of excellent female driven movies. One film with three sensational lead female performances won the Grand Jury Prize at the 2002 Sundance Film festival. It's called Personal Velocity and though I had to wait over half of a year to see it, the film was worth the wait.

Written and directed by first timer Rebecca Miller, Personal Velocity is a set of three half-hour vignettes about three diverse women whose lives we join in progress. The first story is about Delia (Kyra Sedgwick), whose voiceover explains how she grew up quickly, earning the reputation of town slut before finally settling down with one guy because he was the one who asked. Sometime into the marriage, the husband develops an affinity for rough sex that evolves into physical abuse. 

Once Delia realizes that the violence could go beyond her to her children she makes the choice to leave but has nowhere to go. In desperation she calls on a woman she knew just barely in high school whom she once saved from bullies, or at least that is how she remembers it. The woman is kind enough to let Delia and her kids live in her garage and Delia gets a job in a greasy diner. Therein, she endures the come-ons of the owner’s greasy son. The half hour segment ends with no real resolution but rather a continuing spiral that seems destined to continue as we move on to the next story.

The film’s middle segment starring Parker Posey is its strongest. Posey is Greta, a cookbook editor who has fallen into a relationship of convenience with a guy who is a fact checker for The New Yorker. The guy is exactly the guy her father, a high powered attorney who divorced Greta's mother, doesn't want her to be with. That may be exactly why she married him, though she is cheating on him. When Greta gets a break at work (she's asked to edit the book of a best selling author who requested her specifically), she must deal with success for the first time in her life as well as a challenging relationship with the author. Posey is fascinating, communicating classic slacker indifference until confronted with real emotion, which she never learned to deal with before. Something many of us children of the divorce culture can relate to.

The final story is about Paula, a formerly homeless girl who is running away from the man who pulled her off the streets. After an accident nearly took her life and instead killed a man she had just met, Paula got in her car and just began driving. For some unknown reason she has picked up a young hitchhiker and now finds herself on the road to her mother’s home. Paula hasn't seen her mother since she ran away. Her mother had been divorced and remarried to a man Paula didn't like. After contacting her boyfriend, Paula hits the road again with the hitchhiker and finds that his problems may be far worse than her own. He provides the cautionary tale that Paula and the movie needs to end with a little ray of hope.

Each of the stories is connected in a small way but the connection is insignificant when you know that the stories were culled from a collection of seven stories by Rebecca Miller. It's not surprising that the stories are well written as Miller is the daughter of Playwright Arthur Miller. Rebecca Miller has a strong familiarity with her characters which helps, given that each story only has about 30 minutes to tell its story. Miller and her amazing cast are never hampered by the runtime and the stories are likely better served without the padding it would take to make each feature length.

The film has its problems, the voiceover narration by John Ventimiglia is at times rather prosaic and Ventimiglia's voice a little too arrogant. Also, shot for a very small sum on digital video, the film has a look that’s grainy and unpolished. That might be what they were looking for but I found it distracting. Those minor problems aside, Personal Velocity is a well written and very well acted film that announces Rebecca Miller as a filmmaker to look for in the future.