Movie Review The Devil Conspiracy

The Devil Conspiracy (2023) 

Directed by Nathan Frankowski 

Written by Ed Allen 

Starring Alice Orr-Ewing, Joe Doyle, Eveline Hall, Peter Mensah, Joe Anderson 

Release Date January 13th, 2023

Published January 12th, 2023 

What The Devil Conspiracy lacks in polish it makes up for in energy. This action movie that retreads the war between the Archangel Michael and the fallen angel, Lucifer, aka Satan, rarely slows down. The film is filled with energetic action and lively interplay over big incidents involving kidnapped women, genetic manipulation, and the return of Satan to the living world via the womb of an unwilling mother. It's... a lot. And not all of it is good. But, I didn't mind the lesser aspect of The Devil Conspiracy because the pace is so fast. 

The story opens on a skeptical young American student, Laura (Alice Orr-Ewing), who is studying biblical art in Italy. Laura doesn't believe in the bible and feels she has a more rational explanation of the biblical artwork she studies. So, in order to teach the young American a lesson, fate intercedes to make her the vessel for Satan to return to Earth. After being invited to see some legendary works of art at a famed museum by her friend, Father Marconi (Joe Doyle), Laura is kidnapped after seeing her friend murdered trying to save the legendary Shroud of Turin from being stolen. 

The murderous thieves are part of a cult centered on the science of genetics and Satan's return to Earth. The cult members believe that if they have the blood of Jesus Christ, like that supposedly found on the Shroud, they could clone Jesus and combine his DNA with that of Lucifer to give him the chance to rule on Earth. Standing in their way is the Archangel Michael, first glimpsed in a prologue by Peter Mensah, when he condemned Satan to hell centuries ago. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media linked here

Movie Review Plane

Plane (2023) 

Directed by Jean Francois Richet 

Written by Charles Cumming, J.P Davis 

Starring Gerard Butler, Mike Colter, Tony Goldwyn 

Release Date January 13th, 2023 

Published January 13th, 2023

Plane stars Gerard Butler as Brodie Torrance, a commercial pilot on a fateful plane flight. Brodie is piloting a flight from Malaysia to Tokyo with plans for himself to go on from there to Hawaii to meet his daughter. Of course, this is a movie, we know that meeting will not happen as planned. Nope, Brodie Torrance is in for a rough flight, one that begins with bad weather, his plane being struck by lightning, a narrowly avoided crash, and a kidnapping of his relatively small number of passengers plus crew members. 

After surviving his plane having lost its electronics and much of its fuel, Brodie Torrance has to navigate a jungle on an unknown island where criminals and mercenaries have taken up residence and use any foreign visitors as currency on a worldwide kidnapping market. Somehow, with no radio or cell service, Brodie must rescue his passengers and get them safely off of the island. He's joined by a former soldier and current arrestee for murder, Louis Gaspare (Mike Colter), who was being extradited for his alleged crime until the plane went down. Now, he's Brodie's only ally. 

Meanwhile, at the headquarters of the generically named airline, the CEO has called in a fixer. Tony Goldwyn lights up the movie Plane with a charismatic if rather rote performance as Scarsdale, a man who can make things happen for the right price. Scarsdale is the boss of a group of mercenaries for hire who work outside the law to fix P.R problems for major corporations around the globe. That might sound unethical but these guys are the true heroes of Plane as they swoop in to perform the rescue that Brodie and Louis get started. 

As for the baddies, they are a group of nameless, generic, terrorists, vaguely racist caricatures, living in squalor and using human beings as currency. They exist to shoot guns at the good guys and die unmourned deaths. That they perform this task well or not is not important, they are fodder for a Hollywood action movie and could just as easily be replaced by CGI aliens or robots and have the exact same impact on the story. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media linked here. 

Movie Review Skinamarink

Skinamarink (2023) 

Directed by Kyle Edward Ball 

Written by Kyle Edward Ball 

Starring Lucas Paul, Dali Rose 

Release Date January 13th, 2023 

Published ? 

Skinamarink is some kind of endurance test for the modern attention span. This buzzy Canadian horror film tests the patience of audiences via a series of stylish cuts, whispered dialogue, and intriguing ideas that go absolutely nowhere. I have a theory; I think Kyle Edward Ball is an excellent filmmaker who decided that he wanted to test audiences. Thus, he made a movie that is artfully crafted but intentionally nonsensical. Skinamarink is really a taunt and how you react to that taunt is how you react to Skinamarink. 

Providing a plot description for Skinamarink is... really not that hard. Two kids are trapped in their home and their parents are either not home or acting strange and actively staying hidden. Kevi n and Kaylee are four-year-old siblings who have awakened in the middle of the night. They can't find their parents and it appears, to them, that their home no longer has doors or windows through which they might escape. These very young children have some basic survival skills, they eat cereal and watch cartoons on TV and generally listen for whatever instruction an adult, be it their parents or some demonically possessed voice gives them. 

All the while, as Kevin and Kaylee pass the time, occasionally searching for mom or dad or investigating various intriguing noises, the camera cuts from one piece of architecture to another. The camera will sit static for a length of time, perhaps something moves in the frame, mostly you, the audience, simply search around the frame looking for something to happen and then nothing does happen. This is intentional, you assume, because it must be setting up for when something in the frame does finally happen, when something does finally move. 

This goes on for nearly 100 minutes. From time to time, you catch a snatch of dialogue. Early on, you hear the father, apparently on the phone, talking about how someone may have been injured and taken to the hospital. Was it mom? Was it another, unseen sibling? We will never know, and dad is never actually seen on screen, as far as I can remember. Mom is seen, briefly, I think. The movie plays with darkness in an interesting way as it mirrors the way the human mind tries to make sense of something it can only kind of see. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media linked here. 

Movie Review House Party

House Party (2023) 

Directed by Calmatic 

Written by Stephen Glover, Jamal Olori 

Starring Jacob Latimore, Tosin Cole, Lebron James 

Release Date January 13th, 2023 

Published January 16th, 2023 

House Party barely qualifies to be called a movie. This rough assemblage of logic free, brain free scenes are in frame, mostly but that's about the nicest thing I can say. Mostly, House party is a gloopy, sloppy, slippery pile of nostalgia and absurdity that might be called occasionally amusing if any of the amusing moments had anything to do with the movie and not the collective goodwill people like myself have for the original House Party, a loose, silly, fun flick with endless amounts of charm. 

The charm free remake meanwhile, stars Jacob Latimore as Kevin, a single father, struggling with money and needing a place for him and his daughter to live. Kevin's parents are selling their home and leaving town, and Kevin is about to be homeless. Needing a quick windfall, he's hopeful that a party he's promoting with his irresponsible best friend, Damon, pronounced DUH-mon. That qualifies as a joke in the world of House Party 2023, the way the name Damon can be pronounced in different ways. 

Naturally, the party is cancelled thanks to Damon's irresponsible behavior. The pair need a new venue for the party and fast. That's when they get a truly terrible idea. Kevin and Damon work for a cleaning company when they aren't promoting parties and the house they happen to be cleaning on this day is a pretty great house. It's a massive mansion with plenty of space. It also happens to be the home of NBA legend, MVP, and future Hall of Famer, Lebron James. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media linked here. 

Movie Review Back to the Wharf

Back to the Wharf (2023) 

Directed by Xialfeng Li 

Written by Xin Yu 

Starring Yu Zhang, Jia Song, Yanhui Wang 

Release Date January 17th, 2023 

Published January 10th, 2023 

Back to the Wharf is a noir crime thriller about the impact that one moment in life can have. It's about how a crime can reverberate through time with unimaginable impact. Directed by Xiaofeng Li, from a script by Xin Yu, Back to the Wharf is haunting, sad, and incredibly absorbing. It features performances by Yu Zhang, Jia Song, and Yanhui Wang that are absolutely superb. A first rate cast, tremendous writing and direction and an excellent story make Back to the Wharf a January release gem, a great way to start 2023. 

A teenage boys life is changed forever when he finds out that the college scholarship he thought he had secured is given to another student. Looking to confront that other student, who happens to be a close friend, our protagonist finds himself entering the wrong home. There, he is confronted by the homeowner who assumes he is there to commit a robbery. This leads to a fight wherein the homeowner ends up dead. Well, not right away, there is another part to this story that our protagonist isn't aware of, one that compounds the tragedy. 

In the immediate aftermath of the death, our protagonist, played as an adult by Yu Zhang, has fled his hometown, blown off college, and taken on the job of a laborer, far from home. When his mother dies, he must return home and confront the past, including his deeply distant father, now a powerful public official with deep ties to the criminal empire run by our protagonists former High School friend. The father has already moved on from his wife's death and has plans to retire and leave the country to escape the corruption he's become a party to. 

At his mother's funeral, the depth of differences between father and son are made plain. After our protagonist meets his father's new family, including not only a new wife but also a son, the father tells his eldest son "Your upbringing was a failure; I needed another son." That gut punch would be enough to level any man. Thus our protagonist looks to leave town as soon as possible. His plans hit a bump in the road when he meets a former High School classmate, played by Jia Song, who makes it her mission to keep him from leaving. 

The love story between our troubled protagonist and the girl who has loved him secretly since they were kids provides a big beating heart for this otherwise grim story. Jia Song is wonderful in Back to the Wharf. Her performance steals the entire movie for a time. Her performance is filled with surprises and her character's actions are rarely predictable. She is determined to turn our protagonists life around with the sheer force of her love and care and Song is brilliant at making that seem like a reasonable thing to do. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media linked here. 

Movie Review Body of Evidence

Body of Evidence (1993) 

Directed by Uli Edel 

Written by Brad Mirman 

Starring Madonna, Willem Dafoe, Ann Archer, Joe Mantegna 

Release Date January 15th, 1993

Published January 16th, 1993

Body of Evidence is a movie so lurid and sleazy it has a scent. I imagined while watching this 'erotic' thriller that Body of Evidence carried the scent of unwashed bedsheets, body odor, and bad cologne. And maybe a hint of Scotch. Body of Evidence would make a make a poor advertisement for Smell-O-Vision, that's for sure. Watching Madonna and Willem Dafoe in various states of extraordinary nakedness, at the height of their beauty and uniqueness respectively, may not seem so bad until you watch the way director Uli Edel captures this image and makes you feel guilty for even considering enjoying it. 

That Body of Evidence was released to the popcorn munching masses in 1993 is indicative of where we were as a society. In 1993 it was somehow acceptable for filmmakers, almost exclusively male, to spend millions of dollars bringing their very specific masturbatory fantasies to the big screen. Today, we somehow have come around on the idea of good taste. At the very least, we now discourage men from having hard-ons in public places. But first, we had to hit bottom and the 90s was certainly a bottom. With Basic Instinct and Body of Evidence, the 90s were a horny, sweaty, free for all that's not nearly as much fun as it sounds. 

Now, before anyone assumes I am some kind of scold or prude or whatever, I assure you that's not the case. I'm sex positive. I think sex can be a natural, zesty enterprise. My point is not to shame anyone, be confident in what you enjoy as long as you aren't hurting anyone. My point is only that there is a place for horniness and it is not a mainstream movie theater. Pornography is just fine with me, but it belongs in private. I don't think society is asking too much by asking that we don't look at pornography in public. 

And make no mistake, Body of Evidence is and was pornography. Willem Dafoe has stated that the sexual activity in the film is real. Specifically, a scene of oral sex on top of a parked vehicle in a parking garage simply could not be faked for the camera. And that's fine, if you are watching at home, alone or with a willing partner. In public, it's weird and creepy. I told my co-host M.J, from the podcast that inspired this review, the all new Everyone's a Critic 1993 podcast, that this film was released in theaters, and they were floored. M.J is 18 years old. 

Ostensibly, Body of Evidence is the story of a woman named Rebecca who is arrested for murder. Willem Dafoe is her crusading lawyer, Frank. Together they fight to prove Rebecca's innocence and in the process they fall in love. It's a truly inspiring story overcoming the odds, finding a true partner, and allowing love to win the day. Okay, yeah, no, Body of Evidence is actually just a porno movie that is occasionally interrupted by the dumbest episode of Law & Order. 

Rebecca is accused of sexing her boyfriend to death. The prosecuting attorney, Robert (Joe Mantegna) actually says in court "She is a beautiful woman. But when this trial is over, you will see her no differently than a gun, or a knife, or any other instrument used as a weapon." The man Rebecca was sexing at the time was in his 60s and suffered from a heart problem. He'd also just changed his will to leave everything to Rebecca. There is also the fact that his nasal spray was spiked with cocaine. That might also have caused a problem. 

Despite this being a courtroom drama, no one seems to know how a court case works. There is a lot shouting objection and lots of shaming Rebecca for enjoying having sex. And that's pretty much it. The prosecutor tries to make the case that she tried to sex other men to an early grave but what the movie fails to understand is that having consensual sex is not illegal and having a heart problem while having very athletic sex, is still not murder. The courtroom nonsense relies greatly on the idea that men aren't capable of saying no to sex therefore she killed them with sex. You know what no one does? Dust for fingerprints on the nasal spray bottle to see who other than the dead man might have touched it. But there I go bringing logic to where it is certainly not welcome. 

Click here for my full length review at Filthy.Media.

Movie Review The Old Way

The Old Way (2023) 

Directed by Brett Donawho 

Written by Carl W. Lucas 

Starring Nicolas Cage, Ryan Kiera Armstrong, Shiloh Fernandez, Noah Le Gros 

Release Date January 6th, 2023

Published January 10th, 2023 

The Old Way stars Nicolas Cage as former gunfighter Colton Briggs. A well known and much feared outlaw in his day, Colton is now domesticated. He has a wife, Ruth (Kerry Knuppe), and a daughter, Brooke (Ryan Kiera Armstrong), and a dry good store in town. He's become an upstanding citizen so naturally, his past is coming back to haunt him. Enter a group of bandits led by James McCallister (Noah Le Gros). McCallister and his gang are on the run from the law when they happen upon the Briggs' home while Colton is away at work. 

Through a fluke of fate, the home that the bad guys want to hole up in for a night is that of the man that killeed McCallister's father and uncle right in front of him more than a decade ago. Though he's well aware of Briggs' reputation as the coldest of cold blooded killers, McCallister and his goons, Boots (Shiloh Fernandez), Big Mike (Abraham Benrubi), and Eustice (Clint Howard), set about torturing and murdering Ruth with McCallister hoping that her murder will bring Briggs out of outlaw retirement. 

Indeed, this does provide motivation for Colton to dust off his long black coat and revolvers but there is a potential impediment to Colton's roaring rampage of revenge. Colton's daughter is still alive. She was with Colton at his story when her mother died. Thus Colton must decide what to do with his little girl while pursuing his outlaw revenge. Lucky for him, Brooke has a lot more of her father in her than he might imagine. Brooke doesn't cry over her mom's death, she picks up a shotgun. 

That's a good set up for a western story. Sadly, as that story plays out in The Old Way, it never gains much life. What's lacking in The Old Way is something to really set the story apart from other similar stories. You might reasonably assume that casting the wildly charismatic and unpredictable Nicolas Cage might provide that unique quality but you'd be mistaken. Unfortunately, Nicolas Cage delivers one of the most by the numbers performances of his career in The Old Way. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media.