Classic Movie Review True Romance

True Romance (1993) 

Directed by Tony Scott

Written by Quentin Tarentino

Starring Christian Slater, Patricia Arquette, Gary Oldman, Samuel L. Jackson, Christopher Wallker, Dennis Hopper 

Release Date September 10th, 1993 

Published September 13th, 2023 

True Romance is a mixed bag. On one hand, it's an entertaining crime thriller. On the other hand, 30 years after its release, and despite coming out before Quentin Tarantino became one of the most iconic and influential writer-directors of all time, it has the feel of off-brand Tarantino. True Romance, 30 years later plays like one of several hundred movies that tried to be a Tarantino movie and failed. This is despite having Tarantino as the film's screenwriter of True Romance. Something about Tarantino's unique way with words coming out of characters being shaped by another director, makes everything feel just a little... off. 

True Romance stars Christian Slater and Patricia Arquette as a most unlikely pair of lovers. Alabama (Arquette) is a sex worker who has been hired to seduce Clarence (Slater) as a birthday present from Clarence's boss. It's clear to us, if not to Clarence, that she's too good to be true. She meet cutes with Clarence at a Sonny Chiba triple feature at a sleazy L.A theater. She's the only woman in the theater and is clearly going out of her way to meet Clarence. She flirts with the intensity of someone learning to be an actor in a bad romantic comedy. She even seems to listen intently as Clarence tells her about his favorite comic book. 

Nevertheless, the ruse works on Clarence and the two have a great time together. Alabama even had fun, even as she was faking just about everything. This leads her to guiltily confess that she was hired to be his date and show him a good time. When Clarence says he's not bothered by this revelation at all, Alabama tells him that she's in love with him and he responds in kind. Thus is born a marriage proposal as these two unlikely souls tie the knot and set about a life together. Nagging at Clarence however, is Alabama's past, which includes an abusive pimp that Clarence feels he must confront in a misguided attempt to defend her honor. 

Said pimp is a vicious killer named Drexl Spivey (Gary Oldman). Drexl is introduced having a deeply lascivious conversation about oral sex before he murders two of the men he's been chatting with, including a well-dressed Samuel L. Jackson in less than a cameo appearance. Drexl is not a man who plays nice, and Clarence appears completely out of his depth in confronting him. Nevertheless, Clarence manages to not only kill Drexl but also steal more than a million dollars worth of cocaine in the process. Rather than be put off by Clarence's multiple murders, Alabama says the act is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for her and their fates are sealed. 

The remaining plot of True Romance shifts to Los Angeles where Clarence and Alabama hook up with an old friend of Clarence's, an actor named Dick (Michael Rappaport. Clarence assumes that because his old friend is an actor that he will know who in Hollywood will buy more than a million dollars in cocaine for a fraction of the price. That he turns out to actually have that connection in Hollywood is a very funny circumstance, one symbolic of the tone that Tarantino's script is going for, though not exactly in line with the strengths of director Tony Scott who seems to miss just how funny this coincidence is. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Horror in the 90s Child's Play 2

Child's Play 2 (1990) 

Directed by John Lafia 

Written by Don Mancini 

Starring Christine Elise, Alex Vincent, Jenny Agutter, Brad Dourif, Grace Zabriski 

Release Date November 9th 1990 

Box Office $35.8 million

Child's Play 2 is an improvement over the original. Where the first Child's Play movie spent a lot of time establishing the Chucky-verse, how he came to be, what he's capable of, why he wants what he wants, Child's Play 2 is unburdened by the need for exposition or backstory. Free to explore the space, Child's Play 2 brings the evil doll back to try and chase down the child that he tried to transfer his soul into in the 1989 original. Poor Andy Barclay (Alex Vincent), reeling from his mother being committed to a hospital and the multiple deaths he was forced to witness by Chuckie, now is in a struggle for survival with his Lil Buddy doll. 

The story picks up with Andy being taken in by a foster family. Joanne and Phil (Jenny Agutter and Gerrit Graham) are good people who have dedicated their lives to taking in troubled children. They've been asked to take in Andy and though they are concerned about his mental stability, given that he's repeatedly stated that he believes a doll try to kill him and his mother, after killing several other people, they nevertheless relent to give Andy a home. There, Andy will have a foster sister, Kyle (Christine Elise) who will prove to be a wonderful ally and protector for young Andy. 

So how does Chucky come back after having been destroyed at the end of the original? That's never explained. What we do know is that the company that made the original doll needs to cover up the fact that their bestselling toy is, at the very least, linked to a series of murders. It's an association that company is eager to cover up. Thus, a slimy executive, played by Gregg German, has Chucky fully reconstructed. The goal is to show that the doll could not possibly be dangerous, he looks like just another doll in their life of Buddy dolls. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media 

Movie Review The Nun 2

The Nun 2 (2023) 

Directed by Michael Chaves

Written by Ian Goldberg, Richard Naing, Akela Cooper 

Starring Taissa Farmiga, Storm Reid, Jonas Bloquet, Anna Popplewell, Bonnie Aarons 

Release Date September 8th, 2023 

Published September 8th, 2023 

After honestly enjoying a rewatch of The Nun (2018) recently, I was pretty excited for the sequel. The thing that I really enjoyed about The Nun is the design of the villain, Valek The Nun. She's terrifying to look at and actress Bonnie Aarons infuses her presence with menacing physicality. It's a mostly silent performance and she has a silent film villain quality that I really enjoy. She reminds me of something out of the classic German silent horror movie lore. That's kind of awesome for a modern horror villain. 

I also appreciated how clean her motivations are as a villain. The main issue I take with The Conjuring Universe is the vagary. Whether it is a lack of care or a desire to make their villains mysterious, we're never allowed to understand what motivates the evil entities. Why possess children or old women? How does slamming doors or knocking pictures off the wall serve the ultimate purpose of these villains? Why all of the farting around playing scary pranks? Why not just do the thing you came her to do? 

The Nun made very clear that Valek has a goal, to escape from her Hellish prison in Romania. Once escaped, as we learn in this movie, her goal is revenge on the line of religious order that punished her with an ultimate goal of obtaining a thing that will expand her powers. Cool, she has a purpose and she sets herself to achieving that purpose. Sadly, in The Nun 2, it's clear that there was a studio mandate that we get more scares and a body count. 

The first film had a mostly off camera body count. Nuns in an Abbey in Romania have been dying by suicide, or so we are told. The reality is the evil of Valek killing them. We only find this out after the Nun's are dead and their deaths are investigated by Father Burke (Demian Bechir) and Sister Irene (Taissa Farmiga) who encounter their ghosts and the evil of Valek that is attempting to escape. Most of The Nun is about atmosphere and lore and that was really fun. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media 

Movie Review The Nun

The Nun (2018) 

Directed by Corin Hardy

Written by Gary Dauberman 

Starring Taissa Farmiga, Demian Bechir, Jonas Bloquet, Bonnie Aarons

Release Date September 7th, 2018

Published September 7th, 2023 

I love the visual of The Nun. Whether she's a malevolent painting or taking on a physical form that looks like The Terrifier crossed with a Nun cosplay, The Nun is a strong figure of terror. The face of actor Bonnie Aarons is twisted and contorted via makeup and effects to create a haunting visual that lingers in the imagination in the way great horror villains do. Aarons doesn't get enough credit for making this character so memorable, even iconic. Without here expressive face and the way she physically imposes this character on others is the main reason why The Nun is, perhaps, the best thing that has come from The Conjuring universe of horror movies. 

In fairness, however, The Nun is also blessed not to have the burden of the Warrens dragging her down in her solo movies. I admire Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga but they've extended the fame of a pair of con artists for far too long. The Conjuring movies are cut and paste demonic possession movies that play the same beats over and over again while playing the 'Based on True Events' card as is they can trick the audience into buying what the Warren's tried to sell the world for years, a pack of lies about their ability to speak to the dead. 

The Conjuring movies overflow with nonsense in which ghosts move furniture, dump items from open cabinets, and are a general nuisance. The Nun on the other hand proceeds from a supernatural premise and never asks that you buy into the reality of this malevolent being. The Nun is a demonic monster, it has almost limitless power, and there are only a rare few who can go against The Nun and live to tell the story. The Nun has a clear purpose, it wants to harm people so that it might affect an escape from the Abbey in which is trapped. 

Find my full length review of Horror.Media 

My Movie Pitch: Ghost Jerks

Ghost Jerks 2030

Directed by Sean Patrick

Written by Sean Patrick

Starring Kevin James, Vince Vaughn, Winona Ryder, Christoph Waltz 

Premise Two bored ghosts play innocent pranks on the family that now lives in their former home. Things change when an evil ghost moves in and tries to harm the family forcing the slacker ghosts to become heroes and risk their cushy ghostly lives in the process. 

Pitch: Mitch (Kevin James) and Dave (Vince Vaughn) are dead. They died years ago, years apart while living in the same suburban home. For the past 30 years they've tormented and pranked families, chasing them out of this otherwise idyllic home by turning pictures upside down, moving dressers and generally being ghostly pests. There 'after-life' changes forever when another new family moves in. The Forrester girls, Maggie (Winona Ryder), and her two daughters, 16 year old Ivy and 10 year old Dakota, have bought the house at a super low price due to the home's reputation for being haunted. 

Mitch and Dave, being selfish and proud, set about trying to get rid of the new family until they find out that Dakota can speak to the spirits. Not only can Dakota see Mitch and Dave, she can talk to them and the two ghosts, whether our of boredom, or the longing for their own long lost family, begin to befriend Dakota, playing pranks on her mean-girl older sister, various different babysitters, and their favorite target, Dakota's uptight, high strung aunt. 

The plot kicks in however when a malevolent ghost, played by Christoph Waltz enters the picture. He wants to use Dakota's powers to free him to be reborn on to the Earth so that he can enact a plague that will help him to conquer the world. He's been around for hundreds of years and has not really updated to the times. He was imprisoned in a cave for over a century so he still has 19th century manners and tastes and affectations, stuff Mitch and Dave can poke fun at. When the evil ghost employs a pair of criminals in the real world to help him capture and hold the family while he attacks Dakota, it's up to Mitch and Dave to test the boundaries of their own ghostly powers to protect their new young friend and her family. 

Hijinks ensue. 

Find my full length article at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Calendar Girl

Calendar Girl (1993) 

Directed by John Whitesell 

Written by Paul Shapiro 

Starring Jason Priestley, Jerry O'Connell, Gabriel Olds, Joe Pantoliano, Steve Railsback 

Release Date September 3rd, 1993

Published September 6th, 2023 

Three teenage creeps decide to drive up to the home of a movie star because they believe she will have sex with them if they explain that they have been fans of hers for years. That's the premise of a comedy in which these three creeps are treated like harmless scamps on an adventure. Watching the movie Calendar Girl is a bleak reminder of how much our culture has dehumanized Marilyn Monroe and normalized any and all male desires as harmless parts of being a man. I'm going to be told that I am taking this too seriously and if you're the one saying that, you should keep reading, you have a lot to learn. 

Calendar Girls stars Jason Priestley as Roy Darpinian, a troubled teenager with a distant father (Steve Railsback), who works as debt collector for the local mob. Roy is about to join the army and has only a few days before he leaves.  Roy wants to spend these last few days with his best school pals, Ned (Gabriel Olds), and Dood (Jerry O'Connell). The three pals facing down having to get started on life post-High School decide a road trip in order. That road trip just happens to be a trip to Hollywood and a stop at Marilyn Monroe's house. 

Ned, though the most bland of these three white bread dorks, is possibly the biggest creep. He carries around a bible with him wherever he goes. Nothing wrong with that except that it is not an actual bible. Rather, it's a serial killer level collage of photos and details about the life of Marilyn Monroe. So extensive is Ned's obsession with Marilyn that he has somehow located her actual home address. With no one to tell them not to, as this is a fully consequence free universe, the three friends steal a car and head to Hollywood. 

There is an old proverb about a dog chasing a car and the ultimate question: what will the dog do if he actually caught the car? This is an apt analogy for our three moronic protagonists in Calendar Girl. What do they do when they meet Marilyn Monroe? What is the ultimate goal? According to Roy, they 'Canoe' her. I'm not having a stroke here, I'm not mishearing something, that's what the character played by Jason Priestley makes very clear. He believes that he and his friends should 'Canoe' Marilyn Monroe. Those who take things literally are very confused right now. Do they want to take her on a canoe trip? No, they most assuredly do not want that. 

No, for reasons that have broken my brain since I saw this abysmal movie, to 'Canoe' is to have sex. Roy believes that these three men who have never met Marilyn Monroe should have the goal of having sex with her when they meet her. He lays out how vulnerable Marilyn is having recently been fired from a movie and having recently parted ways with husband Henry Miller. It's the perfect time for three teenage creeps to go to her house and convince her to have sex with them. And somehow, a group of people made a movie with this concept and treat this idea as if it were a wacky, good-natured, adventure. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

The Influencer and the Critics

The day I tell a young person that their opinion doesn't matter and that they are an influencer and not a critic, is the day I need to get out of the business of film criticism. Recently, there has been a rising tide of discourse in critical circles where old guard critics complain about the young whippersnappers on Instagram and TikTok who are usurping the traditional space of entertainment journalists and professional film critics. The gripes have some validity in the idea that some who have cultivated a following on social media use that influence to peddle movies while not revealing that their influence peddling is based on the price of being given access to celebrities and the clout that comes with attending junkets and premieres. 

There is something despicable about not sharing the fact that you are essentially being paid for your opinion via access to celebrities. That said, let's not act like this is something new. For years, the entertainment journalism realm has been populated by many real, genuine reporters doing their job and a group of blow dried blowhards whose livelihood was derived from being given access to celebrities that they would fawn over and give free reign to sell their movies unchallenged by questions regarding their movies. Junket Whores or the more kind and less problematic label of 'Junketeers' have plagued the realm of film journalism since film promotion became a thing. 

Wherever there was a marketer selling a movie, there was a 'journalist' willing to offer a vast platform in exchange for the relationship, real or fabricated, with a celebrity. I know many fellow 'film critics' or 'film journalists' whose walls are filled with signed photos of them with celebrities. There is nothing wrong with being a critic and a fan but there is a line that can be crossed when you become friendly with actors or filmmakers and then have to assess their work. The price critics pay for access can, at times, be their ability to objectively assess the work in front of them. 

Myself, I love doing interviews with directors. This presents an ethical question, how can I be critical and have an effective, honest conversation with a filmmaker? I've drawn a particular, personal, ethical line. I will only interview a director after I have seen and liked their movie. On two occasions I've been given access to something that could be considered ethically questionable. Netflix has flown me out to a pair of Hollywood events, one for The Irishman and one for Marriage Story. Each time I was able to see the movie and then meet the stars and filmmakers. I ended up not writing about The Irishman because of the experience of being given the privilege of meeting Martin Scorsese, Robert DeNiro, and Al Pacino. 

I did end up writing about Marriage Story, twice, but that was only because I saw the movie first and absolutely loved and then was able to have a genuine moment with the actors and director Noah Baumbach afterward regarding my enthusiasm for the movie. When I love a movie, I want to tell the filmmakers and film criticism has offered me that chance a few times. But, as I said, there is a line there that when crossed it can affect your personal credibility. Did I like Marriage Story more because Netflix put me up in a hotel in New York City? It certainly didn't hurt my feelings. But I do believe that I shared honest opinions on that movie, I loved it and I would have loved it the same if I had not been gifted a trip to New York City just to see it. 

That's my opinion anyway. I've gotten away from what I intended for this article. My point is that this fight brewing between influencers and supposed real film critics is a very silly and needless bit of gatekeeping. It's gatekeeping born of insecurity and fear. Influencers are willing to do for free what many entertainment reporters have been doing for years, using access to celebrities to leverage a career. Before social media, reporters could get assigned to the Hollywood/entertainment/movie beat. They could leverage their position by gaining access to celebrities and use that to build clout and maintain their job. 

Find my full length article at Geeks.Media