Why I Walked Out

A question that I get regularly in my line of work as a professional film critic is "Have you ever walked out of a movie?" The answer is simply, yes, I have walked out of a movie. I have, in fact, walked out of two movies. I also went on to publish remarkably negative reviews despite not having finished watching these two movies. I felt strongly that I had seen far more than enough of each of these movies to make a value judgment about them and I don't feel any sort of ethical qualms about it. These were execrable films that were unlikely to improve markedly following my leaving. 

I left both films due to being severely grossed out. I will explain but please understand that while I will use as much tactful language as I can, I may have to describe some things that will be uncomfortable to say the least and disgusting at worst. Take that as a warning, the following passages on these two movies contain language of a gross and descriptive nature: Reader discretion is advised. Do me a favor, if you decide to continue reading, drop your own movie walk out stories in the comments, I am curious how many of my loyal readers have similar walkout experiences to mine. Thanks! 

Formula 51 (The 51st State) 

My first walkout came very early in my career. In 2001 I was assigned to watch and write about a troubled production called Formula 51. The film had been through the ringer during its troubled production having been initially titled The 51st State. The film underwent severe reshoots and was finally dumped unceremoniously in theaters with little promotion. The film stars Samuel L. Jackson as a drug dealer who has created a killer new drug. The drug is super addictive and everyone wants to get their hands on it. Jackson's Elmo has to outwit numerous killers trying to get his drugs and the recipe to produce it. 

I'm recalling the plot from memory so that could be a little off but that is the gist of it. Regardless, at about the halfway point of Formula 51 Jackson manages to avoid a group hitmen by giving them a severe diuretic. How he got them to take the drug, I have no idea. But as Elmo watches on from another room through a two-way mirror, the killers start to.... feel the effects of the super-laxative. You can imagine, the scene starts with bubbling and gurgling noises before descending into the baddies having massive diarrhea in the room and we have to see it. I can't recall how much of the fecal results we had to endure because after the first baddie began filling his pants, I walked out. 

Find my full length article at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Fatal Instinct

Fatal Instinct (1993) 

Directed by Carl Reiner 

Written by David O'Malley 

Starring Armand Assante, Sherilyn Fenn, Kate Nelligan, Christopher McDonald, Sean Young 

Release Date October 29th, 1993 

Published October 31st, 2023 

Why is there no legacy for the movie Fatal Instinct? This brilliant parody of Basic Instinct, Fatal Attraction, and several other sex thrillers is absolutely hysterical from beginning to end. Legendary comic icon Carl Reiner is spot on in his timing, his direction is superb, and the jokes are nearly non-stop from start to finish. I can't understand it, why have most people have forgotten about Fatal Instinct? While Robin Hood Prince of Thieves and Hot Shots Part Deux are deservedly remembered for their 1993 releases, Fatal Instinct languishes in obscurity, and it makes no sense. All three of these movies, and Loaded Weapon, should all be fondly recalled as some of the best spoof comedies of all time. 

Armand Assante stars in Fatal Instinct and while he's not a natural comic actor, he's remarkably game for the nonsense being thrown at him in Fatal Instinct. Assante is Detective Ned Ravine, a good cop by night and a defense attorney by day. Thus, when we see Ravine bust a criminal during a stakeout at an amusement park, we also see Ravine become the man's defense attorney the following day in a series of very funny visual gags that I won't try to detail here. The visual jokes keep coming throughout the movie and you may have to watch Fatal Instinct a couple times in order to catch all the hilarious gags in Fatal Instinct. 

My favorite early gag is one I will try to lay out as it gives you a good sense of the sensibilities of Fatal Instinct. In the opening credits, if you're a huge music fan, you may make note of a credit for Clarence 'Big Man' Clemons. Indeed, Clarence is in the movie and he's used in a terrific running gag in which Sean Young, playing a noir femme fatale named Lola Cain is followed everywhere she goes by her very own sultry sax solo played by Clarence Clemons. It's a very simple but very effective joke that pays off later in another famous musician cameo that gets a big laugh. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Documentary In the Court of King Crimson

In the Court of King Crimson: King Crimson at 50 (2023) 

Directed by Toby Amies 

Written by Documentary

Starring Robert Fripp, King Crimson 

Release Date November 3rd, 2023 

Published November 3rd, 2023 

Robert Fripp is a bit of a control freak. The leader turned ruler of the band King Crimson has ruled the band with an iron fist for more than 50 years. The new documentary, In the Court of King Crimson: King Crimson at 50, details Fripp's control freak nature, the bridges that Robert has burned with past members and the comfort Robert has developed with a group of musicians who've grown comfortable doing what Robert asks of them. I sound like I am being critical but I am truly not intending that. If the members of King Crimson are happy taking orders from Robert, and the result is the exotic and extraordinary music of King Crimson, who am I to complain about it. 

King Crimson formed in 1969 and were fractured within their first year of existence. Two of the original members, having tired of Robert's iron grip on the band, decided that life was too short to be under the rule of Robert and left. Robert chose their replacements and moved on. Every so often over the next next 50 years, Robert would choose new band members and when he tired of them, no matter how long they'd been with the band, he'd fire them and replace them. A telling story has one band member who became part of an iconic lineup for the band was unceremoniously let go after over a decade with the band. He was the lead singer at the time. 

King Crimson is like a constantly evolving musical experiment with Robert Fripp as the mad scientist. Having helped to define the notion of a prog-rock band, King Crimson toured and recorded for 50 years while developing a loyal and dedicated fanbase who don't seem to mind that Robert Fripp openly berates them during shows for occasionally distracting him. The band is famously private about their live shows and have gone to great lengths to punish anyone attempting to record their show or even grab a still photo of the band during a show. It sounds almost impossible in the day and age of the smartphone but its true, King Crimson concerts are a phone free environment. 

Fripp is prickly and fastidious but also fascinating. He claims to practice playing the guitar for 6 hours a day. Seated in his living room, Robert will noodle away on the guitar, following his muse wherever it takes him for hours on end. So yeah, he takes King Crimson very seriously and he has for the past 5 decades. This makes the music of King Crimson that much more fascinating as the band appears to spend a good deal of their live performances jamming and riffing off of whatever Robert decides to play. It's an improvisation highly reminiscent of Jazz fusion but with a classic rock edge. And it sounds incredible. 

I've not spent much time listening to King Crimson in my life, they don't have many singles and, because of their prog-rock style, they were rarely on the radio. Hit singles are hard to come by when your songs run on for endless runs, solos, and random sounds that Robert Fripp has collected and catalogued over 50 years, slipping these sounds seamlessly into King Crimson live performances via a large tower he keeps on stage next to him. The tower gets more time and care than any piece of equipment on stage because if it fails, there is no back up. If it goes, all of the sounds go with it. 

Find my full length review at Beat.Media

Movie Review Dicks The Musical

Dicks The Musical (2023) 

Directed by Larry Charles 

Written by Aaron Jackson, Josh Sharp 

Starring Aaron Jackson, Josh Sharp, Nathan Lane, Megan Mullally, Megan Thee Stallion 

Release Date October 27th, 2023 

Published October 31st, 2023

Dicks The Musical is not quite as filthy as that title might imply. Don't get me wrong, the movie is uproariously filthy, but it's not filled with much full frontal male nudity. That remains one of the very few taboos that Dicks the Musical doesn't confront, at least not head on. Of all of the things that Dicks the Musical gets away with under the banner of an R-Rating, the sillier that Larry Charles and writer-actors Aaron Jackson and Josh Sharp, make the MPAA look like a completely joke. Yeah, you can show two men in an aggressive, upside down nude embrace as long as you only show their butts. It's that kind of charged silliness that drives Dicks the Musical in humiliating the Hollywood ratings board. 

Dicks the Musical centers its story on a pair of gay men, Aaron Jackson and Josh Sharp, who are playing a pair of non-gay characters, alpha male types who have a different woman every night and a six figure salary plus commissions as the top salesmen of their company. Named Craig and Trevor respectively, these two manly beasts are about to come face to face for the first time as their company, Vroomba, is combining their sales staff from two sides of the same big city. This will prove to be important as Craig and Trevor are twins, separated at birth. No, they look nothing alike, but for the purposes of this story we are asked to go along with the gag.

Discovering their brotherly bond, not because they look like, but rather because they carry to different sides of a necklace, Craig and Trevor excitedly start dreaming of reuniting their parents. To do this, they will engage in their own version of The Parent Trap with each going undercover in the home of the parent who abandoned them. For Craig, this means meeting his mother, Evelyn (Megan Mullally) for the first time. As for Trevor, he is going to meet his father, Harris (Nathan Lane) for the first time. Using the skills that made them top salesman, they believe that they can convince their parents to get back together, Parent Trap style. 

Find my full length review at Filthy.Media

Classic Movie Review The Nightmare Before Christmas

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) 

Directed by Henry Selick 

Written by Caroline Thompson

Starring Chris Sarandon, Catherine O'Hara, Paul Reubens, Glenn Shaddix, Danny Elfman 

Release Date October 29th, 1993 

Published October 31st, 2023 

Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas was a slightly troubled project. It carried a $25 million dollar price tag. It was made by Henry Selick who, at the time, was not a big name. It had no star power behind it, in terms of the main voice cast. So concerned was Disney about how the film's horror aesthetic frightening the core demographic of Disney Animated films that they removed the Disney label from the film. Instead, the film was released by Disney subsidiary Touchstone Pictures. But Disney wasn't done fretting about The Nightmare Before Christmas. 

Despite a gorgeous look, an absolutely stunning production design and an incredible music from Danny Elfman, Disney didn't think the film would make money without a big star involved. The only big star on hand was Producer Tim Burton. Burton had helped oversee production but was not involved in the creative, this was Henry Selick's baby. But, Burton was coming off of a pair of hit Batman movies and having his name on the marquee in front of The Nightmare Before Christmas might provide a hook that was needed for the film to make money. 

They need not have fretted so much. 30 years later, The Nightmare Before Christmas isn't merely a successful cult classic, it's a smash hit. The $25 million dollar, 2 year production, has now returned a massive profit and even returned to near the top of the box office after 30 years. Since the film was released on October 29th, 1993, it has gone on to gross nearly $100 million dollars. Moreover, the film is a Halloween staple and still moves a mountain of merchandise including costumes, plush toys, decorations, and digital downloads for Danny Elfman's beloved music. 

The Nightmare Before Christmas became a meme before such things existed, before the internet. The Henry Selick horror aesthetic launched a million Hot Topic fashions and gave Gen-X goth kids an inspiration for years worth of style choices. That's a remarkable legacy for something that barely clocks in at feature length and has a story as desperately threadbare as this one. From a story perspective, there is hardly anything to describe. I will do my best, but the truth about The Nightmare Before Christmas is that it was never much of a movie, it was always more of a lifestyle. 

Find my full length reviiew at Geeks.Media 

Documentary Review Pay or Die

Pay or Die (2023) 

Directed by Rachel Dyer, Scott Alexander Ruderman 

Written by Documentary

Starring The Public Fight Over Insulin

Release Date November 1st, Streaming on Paramount Plus November 14th 

Published October 31st, 2023 

I was going to say that other countries in the world are laughing at our healthcare system but that's not true. You see, other countries have a deep wealth of empathy for others so rather than mock us for the mess that is our healthcare system, our insurance nightmare, and the con-game that is our pharmaceutical industry, other countries feel pity for us. Friends from other countries ask me regularly to come live in their country because they know how much I pay for Asthma medication that I have to have in order to live. It's medication I could get for a fraction of the price in other countries and that I have to scrimp and save for in a country where I am one of the people who actually has affordable insurance. It's just insurance that doesn't cover the one drug I need in order to keep breathing. 

The new documentary, Pay or Die, from directors Rachel Dyer and Scott Alexander Ruderman is far more harrowing than even my modest struggle every few months to purchase asthma medication. Pay or Die is about how pharmaceutical companies are gouging people who can't live without insulin. Let me be clear, they are gouging people who can't live without insulin. The cost to produce insulin versus the price that patients must pay for insulin is a four figure profit mark up for the three companies that produce 90% of the insulin made in America. These companies sell insulin in America at 4 figure prices whereas you can buy insulin in Canada, Great Britain, or Switzerland for a between 15 and 20 bucks. 

This means that poor Americans are dying because they can't afford to purchase a drug that they need to stay alive. Pay or Die opens its story on just one of those deaths. A 24 year old man making minimum wage could not afford to buy his insulin for his Type 1 Diabetes. He was hoping that he could ration what little insulin he had until his next payday. His friend went to pick him up for work and found him passed out on the floor of his apartment. He had passed away because he'd not been able to afford more insulin and his payday did not arrive in time. 

If you don't know about Type 1 Diabetes, the fact is, you can't simply go a few days without insulin. It's deadly to not have insulin on hand. But, this young man could not afford it and insurance and an apartment and a vehicle so he was trying to get through from one paycheck to the next. The bill for his monthly insulin was in the range of $1500 dollars per month. This is because the price of Insulin, in just the last 5 years has gone up over 600%. The three companies that produce 96% of all of the insulin in America have profits in the billions and insulin is a top profit driver for those companies. 

Read my full length review at Longevity.Media 

Movie Review Rustin

Rustin (2023) 

Directed by George C. Wolfe 

Written by Julian Breece, Dustin Lance Black

Starring Colman Domingo, Aml Ameen, Glynn Turman, Chris Rock, Jeffrey Wright 

Release November 3rd, 2023

Published November 2nd, 2023 

I must be honest, I am not sure I can review the movie Rustin objectively. The film stars Colman Domingo, an actor whom I have interviewed on three occasions and who I have found thoroughly charming. Despite being an actor on a media tour on which he spoke to numerous journalists and was undoubtedly as the same questions again and again, Domingo is one of the most dynamic and kind interview subjects I've had the pleasure of talking to. And, on top of that, after my first interview with him, he remembered my name the next two tours I was on with him and recalled details from the prior interviews. The man is a wonder. 

With that out of the way, Colman Domingo is exceptional in Rustin. Based on the true story of the 1963 Civil Rights march on Washington D.C, Domingo plays the driving force behind the March, Bayard Rustin, a controversial figure in the Civil Rights movement of the 50s and 60s. Rustin was at the right hand of Martin Luther King (Aml Ameen) until Bayard over played his hand politically and King was forced to side against him, causing Bayard to resign and leave the Civil Rights movement all together for several years. 

Rustin was drawn back into the Civil Rights struggle after seeing the horrors being committed by authorities in Alabama. Reverting to his roots as a planner and organizer, Rustin gathers together a disparate group of young radicals in California and starts planning for a two day march on Washington D.C intended to put pressure on Congress to pass President Kennedy's Civil Rights bill. The plan is for more than 100,000 black people to gather on the National Mall where people like Dr. Martin Luther King and prominent black leaders from around the country will address the crowd. 

8 weeks is the time frame when Bayard pitches the idea to Union Leader and Civil Rights legend, A. Phillip Randolph (Glynn Turman). The idea would be absurd if it weren't for Bayard Rustin whose talent for organizing is seemingly unmatched at the time. Randolph is on board but it will take a lot more convincing to get black leaders involved. Specifically, Roy Wilkins, the head of the NAACP is no friend or fan of Rustin. It was Wilkins who appeared to orchestrate Rustin's ouster from leadership among Civil Rights leaders, and help divide Rustin from his friendship with Dr. Martin Luther King. 

Click here for my full length review