Movie Review: The Benchwarmers

The Benchwarmers (2006) 

Directed by Dennis Dugan

Written by Allan Covert, Nick Swardson

Starring Jon Heder, Rob Schneider, Nick Swardson, Jon Lovitz, Craig Kilborn

Release Date April 7th, 2006

Published April 11th, 2006 

There was a bit of controversy surrounding the release of the new comedy The Benchwarmers. Many critics were upset when Sony canceled critics' screenings across the country at the last minute. Critics were upset not necessarily because they did not get to see this particular film in time for newspaper reviews, but rather because it marked the continuation of a trend of films not being screened ahead of time for critics.

What is unfortunate about this situation is that the critical anger casts The Benchwarmers as some kind of watershed moment in the history of Hollywood studios and film critics. The last thing anyone wants is to make this abomination of a film memorable in any way, let alone historic. Ugh!

The Benchwarmers stars Adam Sandler's back up band--Rob Schneider, David Spade along with a script by acolytes Allen Covert and Nick Swardson. It also stars Napoleon Dynamite's Jon Heder in a definite fire-your-agent career move.

When a couple of nerdy kids are kicked off a baseball field by bullies, Gus (Rob Schneider), Richie (David Spade) and Clark (Jon Heder) challenge the bullies to a game. Gus is a natural athlete, however Richie, a 39-year-old virgin and video store clerk and Clark, a thirty-something mama's boy who has to wear a helmet wherever he goes, are not.

The trio somehow manage to win, leading to further challenges from bully teams. A following of nerdy kids desperate to see jocks get their comeuppance from a trio of nerds develops and comes to the attention of a billionaire nerd, Mel (Jon Lovitz), who throws out an additional challenge. He will build a state-of-the-art baseball stadium and give it to whatever city's team can beat the trio, now known as the Benchwarmers.

Directed by Dennis Dugan, who has a resume only a mother could love, including both Happy Gilmore and Big Daddy, The Benchwarmers is competent in terms of being in frame and correctly lit for both indoor and outdoor shots. After that it's pretty well downhill.

I have a theory that people in general never grow up, they simply get older. Schneider, Spade and the entire Sandler crew seem, to me, to be living proof of this theory. At some point each of these men should have outgrown dick and fart jokes. However, even as each has passed the age of 40, they return to the same tired lowbrow jokes.

One could argue, why mess with success? These guys have made quite a bank load off of this brand of humor. I would argue that this cannot work forever and eventually the well for these guys will dry up and they will be left with no one to gape slack-jawed at their antics. For now, though, they are right. Despite my distaste for this brand of humor, it is successful. The Benchwarmers opened to more than 20 million at the box office.

I was going to make a joke about Schneider being cast in a role with model Molly Sims as his love interest. However, with news that in reality David Spade is dating Heather Locklear, one must forget believability--real life is even more bizarre than the movies.

What can my critical brethren take away from The Benchwarmers? Not much. Early reviews pretty well wrote themselves on this film. There are no surprises or innovations in The Benchwarmers--I could have written this negative review of the film far in advance of having seen it. The main point is the audience for The Benchwarmers would have seen the film regardless of its Rotten Tomatoes ranking--currently only 11 percent positive.