Movie Review: Beowulf

Beowulf (2007) 

Directed by Robert Zemeckis

Written by Neil Gaiman, Roger Avary 

Starring Ray Winstone, Anthony Hopkins, Angelina Jolie, John Malkovich, Robin Wright Penn

Release Date November 16th, 2007

Published November 16th, 2007

Allow me to admit my bias against Beowulf right here at the begin of my review. I am not a fan of the technology used to bring this literary classic to life. My preference has been and will always be in favor of real, flesh and blood actors over the computer simulations. The entirely CGI approach of director Robert Zemeckis does absolutely nothing for me.

Some find the technology to be mind blowing, I find it to be lifeless, like watching someone else play a video game. The fact is, this technology hasn't impressed me since 1998's breakthrough animated flick Final Fantasy. That film lacked life as well but was a technical revelation that Robert Zemeckis has been chasing ever since.

Zemeckis' Beowulf like his kiddie flick The Polar Express has done little to improve upon the motion capture animation that made Final Fantasy a breakthrough nearly a decade ago. Though some will say that the eyes of the character are more lively and their movements are less herky jerky, I didn't notice the difference. Then again, I'm biased.

Ray Winstone donned the doodads and googahs to bring himself to CGI life as a gym rat looking Beowulf. All rippling muscle and blustery boastfulness, Beowulf comes to this nameless Danish kingdom in order to slay a demon who hates merriment. Each time the good time charlies of the kingdom get together for some music and some mead, the demon appears and tears them limb from limb.

Enter Beowulf and his army of viking-esque conquerors. Taking time from their raping and pillaging to take advantage of the bounty on the demon's head, Beowulf and company stake out the King's (Anthony Hopkins) mead hall and begin a massive party meant to draw the ire of the demon. It works, but when the demon, Grendel (Crispin Glover), arrive he manages to kill half of Beowulf's men.

Beowulf however, does manage to kill the demon and is soon after named the heir to the king's throne. Not before he is once again pressed into demon killing duty to take on Grendel's mother (Angelina Jolie). Beowulf's showdown with Grendel's mother seems like a success but in reality only maintains a long standing curse on the kingdom that Beowulf soon comes to rule as king.

The last act, with Beowulf as an old man taking on one last battle, is the most compelling of the film but by that point I wasn't all that engaged in this videogame writ large. I simply could not find a way inside this cold, impersonal form of filmmaking. It's not just the creepy looking technologically rendered characters but the storytelling gimmicks employed by director Robert Zemeckis and writers Neil Gaiman and Roger Avery.

The story itself plays like a group of middle aged guys trying to relate to their teenage sons by adopting the hip lingo of the day. Imagine your dad using the phrase 'bling bling' and you get my meaning. Beowulf apes the hip action of 300 but with a tin ear toward why teens went for that blood, guts and technology event.

300 succeeded as a hip music video version of history. Beowulf is classic rock to 300's Finger 11. (Is that a hip reference or what? Hey kids?) 

Putting the ugly technology aside Beowulf, as voiced by the great Ray Winstone, is something of a feckless hero. He boasts of killing copious sea monsters, the number of which changes with every telling of his story. He boasts of killing many demons but even the one he does kill isn't nearly as impressive as the story he fabricates about the killing.

Indeed much of the tale of brave Beowulf comes from his own fantastical storytelling. I get that this is supposed to be his torturous character flaw but it turned me off from the first moment and even when his moment of redemption arrives, late in the third act, I wasn't all that moved. Of course, this could be further attributed to the technology of Beowulf. I can't say whether a flesh and blood actor might have made this character more compelling.

This idea that CGI can compete with real flesh and blood actors is absolutely ludicrous. Take a moment to ponder the lead performance of Ray Winstone in Beowulf and juxtapose it against his minor supporting turn in The Departed and there is no contest. Winstone in person in The Departed is far more interesting than any shred of the fake Ray Winstone crafted in Beowulf.

Frankly, my reaction to Winstone in Beowulf is one of embarrassment. I feel bad for this fine actor that he must be subjected to this treatment in Beowulf. That he must undergo CGI plastic surgery to find stardom in mainstream movies is a sad commentary. Ray Winstone is so much more moving in the flesh than he ever could be in rippling CGI muscle.

The supporting characters are even less interesting. Anthony Hopkins bellows his way through the role of the aging king. Robin Wright Penn's Queen is a lovely CGI rendered beauty but something of a wet blanket in the end. Beowulf's men, including the usually terrific Brenden Gleeson, are colorful but are mostly cannon fodder for the demons.

Only Angelina Jolie as Grendel's mother registers beyond the technology. Though she looks like Angelina Jolie rendered in videogame form, this is a videogame I would love to play. Jolie looks gorgeous in her animated nudity, the naughty bits barely covered by a sheen of gold that forever coats her demon self. Her storyline is undercooked and forgettable but Zemeckis can atleast claim to have created the sexiest cartoon since Jessica Rabbit.

Whether that is something to be proud of I will leave you to answer for yourself.

So what is the point of Beowulf? Reading Roger Ebert's review you get the impression that it is something of a satire. I however, saw the film as deathly self serious, for the most part, with a few moments of ill-conceived humor that feel off key and out of place. Take for instance the extended Austin Powers gag that features a naked Beowulf conveniently placed behind any number of gag props to cover his manhood.

Why must Beowulf be nude? A nod to the underwear models of 300? Maybe, but I don't know for sure. All I know is that Beowulf is quite uncomfortably nude and taking part in scenes that Jerry Seinfeld would no doubt classify as bad naked, as opposed to the Angelina Jolie nude scenes which are entirely good naked in the most gratuitous fashion.

I say nude and yet we are talking about a PG 13 movie. Curious? Somehow the MPAA classifies animated nudity as not being nudity. Of course with Beowulf's little Beowulf conveniently hidden behind a series of props, we have no real test of the MPAA's stomach on the issue of animated nudity. Jolie too is conveniently covered with dripping gold over her naughty bit. This must mean something to the oddballs at the MPAA.

Stranger than the films approach to nudity, and the MPAA's standards for such, is the attitude taken toward violence in the film and by the standard setters. Beowulf is exceptionally bloody and violent in the same blood spurting vein as 300. Yet, without the CGI nakedness, 300 is rated R and Beowulf is PG-13. Beowulf is covered in blood, heads ripped from bodies, limbs and flesh copiously torn and yet the MPAA never feels as if 13 year old children should be protected? What then were they so concerned about with 300?

I must say that I love the kink of CGI nudity and violence messing with the stale minds of the MPAA censors. That they must render a decision on such utter ridiculousness as the sight of animated boobs is terrifically funny.

That I have spent the past few paragraphs discussing things about Beowulf that have little to do with the quality of the film itself should give you a good sense of how little I cared for it overall. I have no interest in discussing the entertainment value of the action or my reactions to the climactic scenes or to the 3D rendering, because my reactions weren't nearly as interesting as the jokey elements on the periphery of this self serious CGI cartoon.

I'm biased. I want real, flesh and blood actors and will accept no substitute. Like the much reviled Jar Jar Binks, Beowulf is an impressive work of technology but he remains lifeless and unmoving to me. Ray Winstone, Anthony Hopkins and Angelina Jolie do more with the glint in their eyes and the lines of their faces than could ever be captured by a computer. Acting is a physical profession. It is a mind, body, soul profession that communicates emotions and ideas beyond mere words.

The lifeless videogame characters of Beowulf, whether rendered in 3D or flat 2d, can never compel as well as a real life, flesh and blood actor. This is the failure of Beowulf and any film that follows the ludicrous idea that our stars can be replaced with computer chips.