Movie Review The Expendables 4

The Expendables 4 (2023) 

Directed by Scott Waugh 

Written by Kurt Wimmer, Max Adams, Tad Daggerhart

Starring Jason Statham, Sylvester Stallone, Megan Fox, 50 Cent, Dolph Lundgren, Tony Jaa, Iko Uwais 

Release Date September 22nd, 2023 

Published September 26th, 2023 

It speaks volumes without saying a word that before the end of the first act, Sylvester Stallone has left The Expendables 4. Stallone's character may or may not have been killed on a raid on terrorists in Libya. So, even the stars of Expendables 4 don't want to be in Expendables 4 if they don't have to be. The Expendables 4 is an utter shambles, a complete embarrassment for everyone involved. It's a lazy boomer fantasy of middle aged tough guys who use their unique set of skills to kill a mass number of lackeys who seem to form out of thin air only to be brutally murdered as quick as they appear. 

The story of The Expendables 4, such as it is, finds our heroes Barney (Sylvester Stallone) and Christmas (Jason Statham), tracking down a terrorist that has long eluded them both. Rahmat (Iko Uwais) is dangerous on his own and has a history with Christmas. Now, however, Rahmat is working with an international terrorist whom Barney has been looking for since the 80s. With Rahmat in Libya getting detonators for a nuclear bomb, the Expendables team, including Toll Road (Randy Couture), Gunnar (Dolph Lundgren), and newcomers Easy Day (50 Cent) and Galan (Jacob Scipio), head into battle. 

The mission is a disaster, the detonators get away and Christmas is fired. What happens to Barney is a spoiler. Regardless, the Expendables team leadership falls to Gina (Megan Fox). It will be her mission now to try and find where Rahmat is taking the nuclear detonators and to stop him from using them to star World War 3. Naturally, Gina happens to be Christmas' ex-girlfriend. And just as predictably, the two have angry fight sex before he hatches a plan to follow her on her mission. Recruiting the help of a former Expendable, Decha (Tony Jaa). 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Dazed and Confused

Dazed and Confused (1993) 

Directed by Richard Linklater 

Written by Richard Linklater 

Starring Wiley Wiggins, Jason London, Matthew McConaughey, Parker Posey, Joey Lauren Adams, Ben Affleck 

Release Date September 24th, 1993 

Published September 25th, 2023 

Dazed and Confused captured a moment in time, a transition period for American culture. The last vestiges of the Baby Boom giving way to the start of Generation X. It's the end of the last great period of rock n'roll before it gave way to disco and eventually, pop music. The film is set just before AIDS arrived to rob the world of so many, many souls, both through the death of so many, and the many children who would never be born due to the fear of death by sexual activity. Dazed and Confused lives in this calm before the next storm. 

In 1976 we had a little distance from the turmoil of the 1960s and we hadn't yet seen the rise of the Evil Empire, a.k.a The Reagan administration. 1976 was a brief moment where we were allowed to breathe and relax and wait for the next trauma to visit the nation. Vietnam is a recent wound but one that we have a couple years distance from. Like I said, 1976 is a unique moment in time. Dazed and Confused reflects this moment by showing us a relatable but deeply disaffected group of young people, unmoored, exhausted, and just seeking a little break from the outside world via the various available intoxicants. 

The story, such as it is, of Dazed and Confused falls primarily on Randall 'Pink' Floyd (Jason London), the star Quarterback of his Texas High School. Pink is growing more and more disenchanted with the role of golden boy. When the Head Football Coach sends out a letter that is players must sign a drug and alcohol free pledge, Pink decides that he won't say it. This comes from two points of view, one, he just wants to see what the coaches reaction will be. The other point of view is that Randall doesn't want to play football anymore. Anyone with just a passing knowledge of High School Football in Texas knows that this is not decision that will go over well. 

The second track of story follows the incoming freshman of the school. Wiley Wiggins stars in Dazed and Confused as Mitch Kramer. Mitch becomes the prime target of the new senior class as part of an annual rite of passage in this small Texas town. Because Mitch has an older sister who is going to be a senior, the senior boys decide to punish Mitch extra hard. The tradition is such that new seniors, those going into the final year of High School in the fall, must spend the summer making sure to 'initiate' the incoming freshman. 

The initiation involves wooden paddles and spanking. It's a painful initiation into High School life and one the seniors relish as they've been through it themselves and are eager for the chance to become the aggressors. This is no more true for anyone as it is for now two time senior, O'Banion (Ben Affleck). The most loud and nasty of the senior bullies, classmates theorize that O'Banion failed his senior year just so he could come back and paddle freshman for one more year before he heads off to some dead end job. Ben Affleck invest O'Banion with a blank eyed stare that communicates both a depth of fear of the future and a deep sense of masculine insecurity that underlines the homo-erotic aspect of this bizarre rite of passage. 

Freshman girls don't get off easy either, though thankfully, they are free of spankings. For the incoming Freshman girls, the punishment appears to be voluntary. A group of girls who wish to be accepted as popular by the senior girls submit themselves to being forced to roll around on the ground and be covered in condiments before they are thrown into the back of a truck and driven thru a car wash. It's a different kind of ritual, for sure, one embodied by Sabrina (Christin Hinojosa), a freshman who was selected by one of the seniors and ends up being invited to travel with the Senior girls to various places and parties on this first night of summer. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review The Re-Education of Molly Singer

The Re-Education of Molly Singer (2023) 

Directed by Andy Palmer 

Writing Todd M. Friedman, Kevin Haskin 

Starring Britt Robertson, Jamie Pressley, Wendie Malick, Ty Simpkins 

Release Date September 29th, 2023 

Published September 25th, 2023 

The Re-Education of Molly Singer is a bit odd and I kind of like it. Britt Robertson is the title character, Molly Singer, an irresponsible party-girl who is consistently late to work and often hung over. Molly's career is hanging by a thread when her best friend, Ollie (Nico Santos), convinces her to stay out late on the night before a trial. As you can predict, she oversleeps, she shows up late to the trial, and the judge rules against her client because she wasn't there in time. Naturally, Molly's boss, Brenda (Jamie Pressley), fires her with cause. 

Then, just as Molly is about to leave her office for the last time, Brenda gets a call from her son, Elliott (Ty Simpkins). He's ready to quit college and come home after something he did led to an injury that hobbled the school's star football player. With everyone threatening to harm him over this incident, he's ready to quit. This is when Brenda hits upon a completely insane idea. Remembering that Molly had attended the same college as her son, Brenda offers Molly a lifeline. Brenda will go back to college, befriend Elliott and help him rebuild his confidence and social status, and Molly might get her job back. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review Nightsiren

Nightsiren (2023) 

Directed by Tereza Nvotova 

Written by Tereza Nvotova 

Starring Natalia Germani, Eva Mores, Juliana Ol'hova

Release Date September 22nd, 2023 

Published September 21st, 2023 

Nightsiren begins with a jarring series of shocking sequences. First, a young woman hides under the floor of her home as someone, presumably her mother, angrily calls for her. The young girl is bleeding from the head and crying and when her mother pulls her from her hiding place, she makes a daring escape. Running to the forest, this young woman finds herself followed by her little sister. She turns to send her sister back and convince her not to follow her, she accidentally shoves her little sister off of a cliff. It's quite a fall though it's possible that the little girl survived. 

Cut to 30 years later, a grown up Charlotte, the young runaway, haunted by the guilt of what happened to her sister, returns to her small village in the mountains of Slovakia. She's been told by a letter that her mother's estate is being settled. Her return is met with skepticism and fear as her childhood home had burned down just after Charlotte disappeared and many believe that the home is cursed by a witch. Seeing Charlotte living in the cottage nearby, believed to have been the home of the witch Otyla, the locals become concerned that Charlotte herself is a witch. 

Not everyone is unkind however as a local named Mira (Eva Mores) begins a tentative friendship with Charlotte. She too has faced questions about her possible involvement in witchcraft. This however, has more to do with prejudice over Mira being bisexual and having had relationships with men and women in the village, allegedly. Women who are sexually liberated tend to find themselves accused of a lot of things and being a witch is a common refrain in the less educated portions of the world. Witches are believed to use sexuality as a way of controlling and destroying victims and other such superstitious nonsense. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media 

Movie Review Dumb Money

Dumb Money (2023) 

Directed by Craig Gillespie 

Written by Lauren Schuker Blum, Rebecca Angelo 

Starring Paul Dano, Shailene Woodley, Pete Davidson, Seth Rogen, Nick Offerman, Sebastian Stan

Release Date September 22nd, 2023 

Published September 22nd, 2023 

Dumb Money feels like an unearned victory lap for the proletariat. The story of a group of independent investors, led by a Redditor nicknamed Roaring Kitty, upending the Wall Street system by investing in, of all things, Game Stop, a video game retailer run so poorly that it's an absolute wonder how they lasted as long as they did. By finding a blindspot in the arrogance of a Wall Street hedge fund practice, Roaring Kitty, aka Keith Gill (Paul Dano), made millions and drove one billionaire hedge fund out of business, though realistically, only took Gabe Plotkin (Seth Rogen) from a being a billionaire to being a multi-multi-multi-millionaire. 

It's impossible for me not to be cynical about anything related to Wall Street. In my lifetime I have watched Wall Street grow in strength and wealth all while paying off regulators and lawmakers to prop them up to the point where billions of dollars have flowed from everyday Americans into the hands of Wall Street hustlers just to keep those billionaires from crashing the country into a depression so they can keep buying needless numbers of houses, cars and consumer items that add nothing to the everyday economy. 

Not since the age of Marie Antoinette have we seen rich fat pigs rolling in the filth of their own wealth in public the way we do today. We've literally watched billionaires build themselves rockets to take vacations in space while people struggle to have money for food. Jeff Bezos asks us to stand up and cheer for him when he returned from what amounted to a day trip to space. Meanwhile, a mother somewhere in America was scraping pennies together to buy baby food. So excuse me if I don't' view one minor victory over the greedy pigs of Wall Street as good enough. 

And, I'm sorry, that's all that the Game Stop thing was, a very brief victory of the proles over the privileged. All that the Game Stop thing did was provide other billionaires a cautionary tale. Now they know exactly what doors to close behind them to prevent this from ever happening again. I appreciate what Reddit did to game this system for a short time but there is only so much outsiders can do to fight this system. Game Stop provided the billionaires a road map to how to stay rich in the face of any kind of revolt within their own Wall Street system. 

Find my full length review at Swamp.Media 

Movie Review Relax I'm From the Future

Relax, I'm From the Future (2023) 

Directed by Luke Higginson 

Written by Luke Higginson 

Starring Rhys Darby, Gabrielle Graham, Julian Richings, Janine Theriault 

Release Date September 22nd, 2023 

Published September 19th, 2023 

There are a number of promising elements in Relax, I'm From the Future. The obvious one is star Rhys Darby, a comedy all star with endless comic timing and instinct. He's been a comedy MVP in numerous smaller roles in projects as diverse as Flight of the Conchords and the two modern Jumanji movies. Darby is just simply funny. Seeing him in the lead of a time travel comedy had me excited to see it. Sadly, he's also the reason that Relax, I'm from the Future is such a disappointment. I expected more of Rhys Darby than what we get in this middling, mean-spirited and mostly forgettable film. 

Relax, I'm from the Future stars Rhys Darby as Casper, a time traveler. Casper lives in a future that's actually pretty great. Following a horrible time in which there was strife and war and starvation, the world corrected itself and became a near perfect society. So why go back in time? Well, Casper has a reason but he's cagey about stating exactly why. Meanwhile, we see several more people coming from the future, each met by Doris (Janine Theriault) on the belief that they are terrorists who are trying to destroy the perfection of the future. 

As for Casper, though he doesn't know it, he narrowly missed running into Doris when he arrived. Instead, he escaped and met Holly (Gabrielle Graham). In exchange for making her rich, she will help Casper by buying lottery tickets and placing bets on sporting events. Casper needs money to fund his new life in the past and a partner to help him do it while not altering the future in any important way. Holly wasn't a mistake, in fact, Casper chose her specifically for the complete lack of impact she has on the future. 

If that sounds kind of harsh, well, it is. The movie should maybe make that a dark joke but if that was the intent, it doesn't land. Holly is super likable and thus, this mean joke at her expense doesn't land well. And that is a significant failing of Relax, I'm from the Future. The movie plays at times like a dark comedy and carries some darkly comic moments but the actors, especially the rather sunny Darby, don't seem to get how bleak the premise really is. I'm not going to spoil the reason why Casper chose to go back in time, but it is also kind of dark but kind of funny and yet it doesn't come off nearly as funny as it should be. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review The Age of Innocence

The Age of Innocence (1993) 

Directed by Martin Scorsese

Written by Jay Cocks, Martin Scorsese

Starring Daniel Day Lewis, Michelle Pfeiffer, Winona Ryder 

Release Date October 1st, 1993 

Published September 2023 

Flower imagery is important for Martin Scorsese in The Age of Innocence. The open credits roll over footage of a flower. The first moving image of The Age of Innocence is an opera singer (Cindy Katz), picking up a flower as she sings. According to the Old Farmer's Almanac, conveying meaning via flowers was something of an elaborate pastime in the late 1800s, the time in which The Age of Innocence is set. The color of the flower, the type of flower, the bow tied to the flower, and the way in which the flower was given all had a specific meaning that was known among those in the Victorian Era. 

For instance, a yellow flower indicates romantic rejection whereas Red is the color of passion. The opera singer in the opening of The Age of Innocence has picked a yellow flower and whether or not you understand the language she is singing in, the flower is an indication that the man who is behind her in this scene, played by Actor Thomas Gibson of Dharma and Greg fame, is receiving a romantic rejection. Daniel Day Lewis' Newland Archer is seen as Scorsese pans over the crowd and is wearing white carnation which, again, according to the Old Farmers, indicates innocence, pure love, and sweet love. 

Newland is newly engaged to May, played by Winona Ryder, and appears happy to be betrothed to young woman from a good and respectable family. His well being however, is upended by the appearance of Countess Ellen Olenska, played by Michelle Pfeiffer. Where May is much younger than her husband to be, Ellen is the same age and the two had known each other in their youth. For various reasons, they never became romantically involved. Ellen moved to Europe, married into royalty and is now scandalizing New York City with the notion that she may actually become divorced. The plot truly kicks in when Newland is assigned by his law firm to represent Ellen and encourage her to return to her powerful husband or risk scandal and ruin. 

Nearing the end of the first act we get more flower imagery. Newland, after having visited Countess Olenska, decides to send her flowers but not before he's reminded by the florist that he should send flowers to his wife-to-be, May. Newland sends May her favorite flower, Lilly of the Valley which symbolizes sweetness, tears of the Virgin Mary, and humility. These are lovely and also damning traits. For the Countess, he sends yellow roses. Now, yellow does symbolize rejection but, yellow roses have their own meaning. in this case, they symbolize jealousy, decrease of love, and infidelity. 

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review Flora and Son

Flora and Son (2023) 

Directed by John Carney 

Written by John Carney 

Starring Eve Hewson, Joseph Gordon Levitt 

Release Date September 22nd, 2023 

Published September 18th, 2023 

Writer-Director John Carney has the keys to my heart. I know what you are thinking, that's weird, right? But it's true. Ever since his extraordinary film Once, and each movie subsequent to that, I have never felt as much emotional kinship to a filmmaker. I trust John Carney. I am vulnerable to his work in a way that I am not with any other filmmaker. His work speaks to me in a very emotional way, as if we know each other and he specifically knows how to move me. I'm vulnerable to him because I always fall completely in love with his characters. That's a scary thing, what if he takes them in a direction I don't like? What if he decided to kill one of them? It's his story after all. 

I trust him. I trust that when John Carney gives me movie characters to fall in love with, hope for, root for, and cry for, I trust that he's taking care with that. I trust that he's not going to abuse the privilege of having my heart open to his work. I believe with my entire being that I can lose myself in John Carney's romantic universe and that he will take care to make sure I'm okay, that I feel comfortable, at home. And then he tells the story. He unfolds his story via his characters with remarkable care and precise emotion. He crafts romantic fantasy that feels like real life but slightly elevated. He can break my heart but when he does it, he does with good purpose, not to cause harm. 

Flora and Son is the latest John Carney movie to speak directly to my heart. Flora (Eve Hewson) is a loving and dedicated single mother who also likes to party, drink too much wine, and be a little inappropriate. She may sound like a type, but in the hands of Eve Hewson and John Carney, the character becomes a fully rounded human being, flawed and beautiful, angry and loving, a dichotomy of conflicting emotions that come out not always as they are intended to. It's a rich tapestry of a character and empathetic one for sure. 

Read my full length reviews at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review A Haunting in Venice

A Haunting in Venice (2023) 

Directed by Kenneth Branagh 

Written by Michael Green 

Starring Kenneth Branagh, Tina Fey, Kelly Reilly, Jamie Dornan, Michelle Yeoh, Jude Hill 

Release Date September 15th, 2023 

Published 

I want to like A Haunting in Venice, but I just can't. I've written and rewritten this review several times, each with a different take on the movie. I tried to find what I liked about the movie and leaned into that for a while. Then I went hard on the movie and tore it up and erased that. I don't know why I am struggling with a movie that is not really so complicated as to require such mental machinations. But here we are with a film critic having seen a movie and still trying to decide if he liked it or not. Do I like A Haunting in Venice? Yes or No?  

A Haunting in Venice returns Kenneth Branagh behind the camera into the role of famed detective Hercule Poirot. In this adventure, Poirot is several years retired from his experience in Death on the Nile. Now living in Venice, Poirot has hired a former police detective, Vitale (Riccardo Scamarcio), to keep away those that would draw him back into the detective role he's trying to leave behind. And yet, Vitale makes way for one of Poirot's old friends, Ariadne Oliver (Tina Fey) to get in to see him. Oliver is the author who created the legend of Poirot by basing her bestsellers on his cases. 

Naturally, she has an interest in getting her friend back to solving murders and she's got just the thing for him. On this night, Halloween night in Venice, she's attending a seance. She intrigues Poirot by admitting that though she's a skeptic, she can't seem to figure out how famed psychic Joyce Reynolds (Michelle Yeoh) does what she does. Oliver wants Poirot to help her debunk Reynolds or confirm that there is something real to her and thus a confirmation of something beyond life. Poirot dismisses her notions of the fantastic and agrees to debunk the psychic. 

Attending the seance alongside Oliver, Poirot, and Poirot's security man, are a rogue's gallery of potential murder suspects, per usual for a Poirot mystery. First, there is the host of the event. a former opera singer and celebrity, Roweena Drake (Kelly Reilly). Roweena set up this event on the notion that Reynolds could contact her late daughter, Alicia, who died under mysterious circumstances a year before. She's invited her family doctor, Leslie Ferrier (Jamie Dorner) and he has brought his young son, Leopold (Jude Hill). Already on hand is Roweena's maid and caretaker, Olga (Camille Coltin), and uninvited but arriving regardless is Alicia's former fiancee, Maxime (Kyle Allen). 

Though Leopold is excluded, for obvious reasons, the rest will gather in Alicia's bedroom as Reynolds attempts to contact Alicia. In the process, Poirot will expose Reynolds as a fraud, survive an attempt on his life, and then Reynolds will end up dead. Her death is the true catalyst for the film's central mystery, one that will grow to encompass at least one more body and connect back to Alicia's death, tying everything up in a neat little bow. It's all very clean and efficient and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that except, if you're like me, and you guess the plot at hand early on, the fun drains out of the proceedings quickly. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Witness for the Prosecution

Witness for the Prosecution (1957)

Directed by Billy Wilder 

Written by Larry Marcus, Billy Wilder, Harry Kumitz 

Starring Charles Laughton, Tyrone Power, Marlene Dietrich, Elsa Lanchester

Release Date December 17th, 1957 

Published 

The opening moments of Billy Wilder's Witness for the Prosecution set the stage for where we will be spending a good portion of our story, an English courtroom located in the famed, Old Bailey, the name given to the English Criminal Court Building in London. This is important for setting the scene for American audiences as an English courtroom is quite different from American courtroom. Director Billy Wilder chooses specifically to open on this courtroom to disabuse audiences of the notion of an American court proceeding. It's a little thing, a subtle bit of audience manipulation but a crafty choice by a very smart director. 

Our first introduction to our main character, our true protagonist Sir Wilfrid (Charles Laughton), comes in a very charming scene. The comic dynamic of the cantankerous Sir Wilfrid and the bright-eyed optimism of his nurse Miss Plimsoll (Elsa Lanchester from The Bride of Frankenstein), establishes an unexpectedly comic tone for what we are expecting to be a courtroom drama. The colorful performances of Laughton and Lanchester and their unforced chemistry sets the tone for the rest of the movie, a tone that will deepen but never waver from being charming and only modestly mysterious. Our expectations are upended in the best way possible as we are treated to a wonderful comic dynamic. 

The idea that Charles Laughton was only 57 years old when he played the role of Sir Wilfrid is staggering. He looks to be in his 70s or perhaps early 80s. You might be thinking, young actors are often cast to play older characters but, by the timeline of Sir Wilfrid and his association with his assistant Mr. Carter (Ian Wolfe), the timeline has Sir Wilfrid the same age as Laughton, in his late 50s. And the mind reels. Regardless of how old anyone in this movie looks, Laughton is childlike in his enthusiasm. Specifically, Laughton as Sir Wilfrid delighting in his new chair lift in his office is a sight to behold. Laughton's pudgy face and gleaming eyes, so clearly delighting in this new toy that you can't help but giggle. 

This character trait is rather typical of an Agatha Christie character and a Billy Wilder character. Both of these legends enjoyed adding quirky traits to their characters, giving them a depth of personality that extends beyond the story being told. These traits endear them to the audience, bring the audience around to their side with the kind of writing shorthand that too few filmmakers or storytellers take the time for, especially from the perspective of more than 66 years later. We fall for Laughton's charming gluttonous, enthusiastic, personality first and that draws us deeper into the mystery that he will work to uncover. 

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Horror in the 90s Misery

Misery (1993) 

Directed by Rob Reiner 

Written by William Goldman 

Starring James Caan, Kathy Bates 

Release Date November 30th, 1990 

Box Office $61.3 million 

The first images seen on screen in Misery are utterly meaningless. A Lucky Strike cigarette, unlit, an empty champagne glass, and a bottle of Champagne. Visually, you can read into this a celebration about to occur. Indeed, the subject of Misery, writer Paul Sheldon, played by James Caan, is about to finishing typing the final words of his final novel featuring the character Misery Chastain. Paul has decided to end his highly successful franchise and the opening visuals of the movie are an indication of the celebratory nature of this decision. 

But what do these images foreshadow for the remainder of the story? Nothing really. Paul Sheldon will soon be involved in a car wreck. He will be rescued by someone who just happens to be 'his biggest fan.' Annie Wilkes (Kathy Bates), the fan, finds his novel and is none too pleased to find that her favorite book character is being killed off. Thus, she sets to set the author straight. She will hold him captive and torture him in order to get him to write a different, happier book, one more fitting her vision of Misery Chastain as her favorite book character. 

In the context of a novel, it's very clear that Stephen King is commenting upon the fickle nature of readers and their relationship to authors. King, whether he openly acknowledged it or not, was truly writing about having been pigeonholed and seemingly forced to write to the tastes of his readers rather than to what spoke to him as an author and artist. That subtext is underlined in the novel form. As a movie, it doesn't resonate quite as much. We can get a sense of the commentary occurring, but this is a movie, not a novel, moreover it's an adaptation of Stephen King and not King himself sub textually crying out at his audience to let him choose his subjects. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media 

Classic Movie Review True Romance

True Romance (1993) 

Directed by Tony Scott

Written by Quentin Tarentino

Starring Christian Slater, Patricia Arquette, Gary Oldman, Samuel L. Jackson, Christopher Wallker, Dennis Hopper 

Release Date September 10th, 1993 

Published September 13th, 2023 

True Romance is a mixed bag. On one hand, it's an entertaining crime thriller. On the other hand, 30 years after its release, and despite coming out before Quentin Tarantino became one of the most iconic and influential writer-directors of all time, it has the feel of off-brand Tarantino. True Romance, 30 years later plays like one of several hundred movies that tried to be a Tarantino movie and failed. This is despite having Tarantino as the film's screenwriter of True Romance. Something about Tarantino's unique way with words coming out of characters being shaped by another director, makes everything feel just a little... off. 

True Romance stars Christian Slater and Patricia Arquette as a most unlikely pair of lovers. Alabama (Arquette) is a sex worker who has been hired to seduce Clarence (Slater) as a birthday present from Clarence's boss. It's clear to us, if not to Clarence, that she's too good to be true. She meet cutes with Clarence at a Sonny Chiba triple feature at a sleazy L.A theater. She's the only woman in the theater and is clearly going out of her way to meet Clarence. She flirts with the intensity of someone learning to be an actor in a bad romantic comedy. She even seems to listen intently as Clarence tells her about his favorite comic book. 

Nevertheless, the ruse works on Clarence and the two have a great time together. Alabama even had fun, even as she was faking just about everything. This leads her to guiltily confess that she was hired to be his date and show him a good time. When Clarence says he's not bothered by this revelation at all, Alabama tells him that she's in love with him and he responds in kind. Thus is born a marriage proposal as these two unlikely souls tie the knot and set about a life together. Nagging at Clarence however, is Alabama's past, which includes an abusive pimp that Clarence feels he must confront in a misguided attempt to defend her honor. 

Said pimp is a vicious killer named Drexl Spivey (Gary Oldman). Drexl is introduced having a deeply lascivious conversation about oral sex before he murders two of the men he's been chatting with, including a well-dressed Samuel L. Jackson in less than a cameo appearance. Drexl is not a man who plays nice, and Clarence appears completely out of his depth in confronting him. Nevertheless, Clarence manages to not only kill Drexl but also steal more than a million dollars worth of cocaine in the process. Rather than be put off by Clarence's multiple murders, Alabama says the act is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for her and their fates are sealed. 

The remaining plot of True Romance shifts to Los Angeles where Clarence and Alabama hook up with an old friend of Clarence's, an actor named Dick (Michael Rappaport. Clarence assumes that because his old friend is an actor that he will know who in Hollywood will buy more than a million dollars in cocaine for a fraction of the price. That he turns out to actually have that connection in Hollywood is a very funny circumstance, one symbolic of the tone that Tarantino's script is going for, though not exactly in line with the strengths of director Tony Scott who seems to miss just how funny this coincidence is. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Horror in the 90s Child's Play 2

Child's Play 2 (1990) 

Directed by John Lafia 

Written by Don Mancini 

Starring Christine Elise, Alex Vincent, Jenny Agutter, Brad Dourif, Grace Zabriski 

Release Date November 9th 1990 

Box Office $35.8 million

Child's Play 2 is an improvement over the original. Where the first Child's Play movie spent a lot of time establishing the Chucky-verse, how he came to be, what he's capable of, why he wants what he wants, Child's Play 2 is unburdened by the need for exposition or backstory. Free to explore the space, Child's Play 2 brings the evil doll back to try and chase down the child that he tried to transfer his soul into in the 1989 original. Poor Andy Barclay (Alex Vincent), reeling from his mother being committed to a hospital and the multiple deaths he was forced to witness by Chuckie, now is in a struggle for survival with his Lil Buddy doll. 

The story picks up with Andy being taken in by a foster family. Joanne and Phil (Jenny Agutter and Gerrit Graham) are good people who have dedicated their lives to taking in troubled children. They've been asked to take in Andy and though they are concerned about his mental stability, given that he's repeatedly stated that he believes a doll try to kill him and his mother, after killing several other people, they nevertheless relent to give Andy a home. There, Andy will have a foster sister, Kyle (Christine Elise) who will prove to be a wonderful ally and protector for young Andy. 

So how does Chucky come back after having been destroyed at the end of the original? That's never explained. What we do know is that the company that made the original doll needs to cover up the fact that their bestselling toy is, at the very least, linked to a series of murders. It's an association that company is eager to cover up. Thus, a slimy executive, played by Gregg German, has Chucky fully reconstructed. The goal is to show that the doll could not possibly be dangerous, he looks like just another doll in their life of Buddy dolls. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media 

Movie Review The Nun 2

The Nun 2 (2023) 

Directed by Michael Chaves

Written by Ian Goldberg, Richard Naing, Akela Cooper 

Starring Taissa Farmiga, Storm Reid, Jonas Bloquet, Anna Popplewell, Bonnie Aarons 

Release Date September 8th, 2023 

Published September 8th, 2023 

After honestly enjoying a rewatch of The Nun (2018) recently, I was pretty excited for the sequel. The thing that I really enjoyed about The Nun is the design of the villain, Valek The Nun. She's terrifying to look at and actress Bonnie Aarons infuses her presence with menacing physicality. It's a mostly silent performance and she has a silent film villain quality that I really enjoy. She reminds me of something out of the classic German silent horror movie lore. That's kind of awesome for a modern horror villain. 

I also appreciated how clean her motivations are as a villain. The main issue I take with The Conjuring Universe is the vagary. Whether it is a lack of care or a desire to make their villains mysterious, we're never allowed to understand what motivates the evil entities. Why possess children or old women? How does slamming doors or knocking pictures off the wall serve the ultimate purpose of these villains? Why all of the farting around playing scary pranks? Why not just do the thing you came her to do? 

The Nun made very clear that Valek has a goal, to escape from her Hellish prison in Romania. Once escaped, as we learn in this movie, her goal is revenge on the line of religious order that punished her with an ultimate goal of obtaining a thing that will expand her powers. Cool, she has a purpose and she sets herself to achieving that purpose. Sadly, in The Nun 2, it's clear that there was a studio mandate that we get more scares and a body count. 

The first film had a mostly off camera body count. Nuns in an Abbey in Romania have been dying by suicide, or so we are told. The reality is the evil of Valek killing them. We only find this out after the Nun's are dead and their deaths are investigated by Father Burke (Demian Bechir) and Sister Irene (Taissa Farmiga) who encounter their ghosts and the evil of Valek that is attempting to escape. Most of The Nun is about atmosphere and lore and that was really fun. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media 

Movie Review The Nun

The Nun (2018) 

Directed by Corin Hardy

Written by Gary Dauberman 

Starring Taissa Farmiga, Demian Bechir, Jonas Bloquet, Bonnie Aarons

Release Date September 7th, 2018

Published September 7th, 2023 

I love the visual of The Nun. Whether she's a malevolent painting or taking on a physical form that looks like The Terrifier crossed with a Nun cosplay, The Nun is a strong figure of terror. The face of actor Bonnie Aarons is twisted and contorted via makeup and effects to create a haunting visual that lingers in the imagination in the way great horror villains do. Aarons doesn't get enough credit for making this character so memorable, even iconic. Without here expressive face and the way she physically imposes this character on others is the main reason why The Nun is, perhaps, the best thing that has come from The Conjuring universe of horror movies. 

In fairness, however, The Nun is also blessed not to have the burden of the Warrens dragging her down in her solo movies. I admire Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga but they've extended the fame of a pair of con artists for far too long. The Conjuring movies are cut and paste demonic possession movies that play the same beats over and over again while playing the 'Based on True Events' card as is they can trick the audience into buying what the Warren's tried to sell the world for years, a pack of lies about their ability to speak to the dead. 

The Conjuring movies overflow with nonsense in which ghosts move furniture, dump items from open cabinets, and are a general nuisance. The Nun on the other hand proceeds from a supernatural premise and never asks that you buy into the reality of this malevolent being. The Nun is a demonic monster, it has almost limitless power, and there are only a rare few who can go against The Nun and live to tell the story. The Nun has a clear purpose, it wants to harm people so that it might affect an escape from the Abbey in which is trapped. 

Find my full length review of Horror.Media 

My Movie Pitch: Ghost Jerks

Ghost Jerks 2030

Directed by Sean Patrick

Written by Sean Patrick

Starring Kevin James, Vince Vaughn, Winona Ryder, Christoph Waltz 

Premise Two bored ghosts play innocent pranks on the family that now lives in their former home. Things change when an evil ghost moves in and tries to harm the family forcing the slacker ghosts to become heroes and risk their cushy ghostly lives in the process. 

Pitch: Mitch (Kevin James) and Dave (Vince Vaughn) are dead. They died years ago, years apart while living in the same suburban home. For the past 30 years they've tormented and pranked families, chasing them out of this otherwise idyllic home by turning pictures upside down, moving dressers and generally being ghostly pests. There 'after-life' changes forever when another new family moves in. The Forrester girls, Maggie (Winona Ryder), and her two daughters, 16 year old Ivy and 10 year old Dakota, have bought the house at a super low price due to the home's reputation for being haunted. 

Mitch and Dave, being selfish and proud, set about trying to get rid of the new family until they find out that Dakota can speak to the spirits. Not only can Dakota see Mitch and Dave, she can talk to them and the two ghosts, whether our of boredom, or the longing for their own long lost family, begin to befriend Dakota, playing pranks on her mean-girl older sister, various different babysitters, and their favorite target, Dakota's uptight, high strung aunt. 

The plot kicks in however when a malevolent ghost, played by Christoph Waltz enters the picture. He wants to use Dakota's powers to free him to be reborn on to the Earth so that he can enact a plague that will help him to conquer the world. He's been around for hundreds of years and has not really updated to the times. He was imprisoned in a cave for over a century so he still has 19th century manners and tastes and affectations, stuff Mitch and Dave can poke fun at. When the evil ghost employs a pair of criminals in the real world to help him capture and hold the family while he attacks Dakota, it's up to Mitch and Dave to test the boundaries of their own ghostly powers to protect their new young friend and her family. 

Hijinks ensue. 

Find my full length article at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Calendar Girl

Calendar Girl (1993) 

Directed by John Whitesell 

Written by Paul Shapiro 

Starring Jason Priestley, Jerry O'Connell, Gabriel Olds, Joe Pantoliano, Steve Railsback 

Release Date September 3rd, 1993

Published September 6th, 2023 

Three teenage creeps decide to drive up to the home of a movie star because they believe she will have sex with them if they explain that they have been fans of hers for years. That's the premise of a comedy in which these three creeps are treated like harmless scamps on an adventure. Watching the movie Calendar Girl is a bleak reminder of how much our culture has dehumanized Marilyn Monroe and normalized any and all male desires as harmless parts of being a man. I'm going to be told that I am taking this too seriously and if you're the one saying that, you should keep reading, you have a lot to learn. 

Calendar Girls stars Jason Priestley as Roy Darpinian, a troubled teenager with a distant father (Steve Railsback), who works as debt collector for the local mob. Roy is about to join the army and has only a few days before he leaves.  Roy wants to spend these last few days with his best school pals, Ned (Gabriel Olds), and Dood (Jerry O'Connell). The three pals facing down having to get started on life post-High School decide a road trip in order. That road trip just happens to be a trip to Hollywood and a stop at Marilyn Monroe's house. 

Ned, though the most bland of these three white bread dorks, is possibly the biggest creep. He carries around a bible with him wherever he goes. Nothing wrong with that except that it is not an actual bible. Rather, it's a serial killer level collage of photos and details about the life of Marilyn Monroe. So extensive is Ned's obsession with Marilyn that he has somehow located her actual home address. With no one to tell them not to, as this is a fully consequence free universe, the three friends steal a car and head to Hollywood. 

There is an old proverb about a dog chasing a car and the ultimate question: what will the dog do if he actually caught the car? This is an apt analogy for our three moronic protagonists in Calendar Girl. What do they do when they meet Marilyn Monroe? What is the ultimate goal? According to Roy, they 'Canoe' her. I'm not having a stroke here, I'm not mishearing something, that's what the character played by Jason Priestley makes very clear. He believes that he and his friends should 'Canoe' Marilyn Monroe. Those who take things literally are very confused right now. Do they want to take her on a canoe trip? No, they most assuredly do not want that. 

No, for reasons that have broken my brain since I saw this abysmal movie, to 'Canoe' is to have sex. Roy believes that these three men who have never met Marilyn Monroe should have the goal of having sex with her when they meet her. He lays out how vulnerable Marilyn is having recently been fired from a movie and having recently parted ways with husband Henry Miller. It's the perfect time for three teenage creeps to go to her house and convince her to have sex with them. And somehow, a group of people made a movie with this concept and treat this idea as if it were a wacky, good-natured, adventure. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

The Influencer and the Critics

The day I tell a young person that their opinion doesn't matter and that they are an influencer and not a critic, is the day I need to get out of the business of film criticism. Recently, there has been a rising tide of discourse in critical circles where old guard critics complain about the young whippersnappers on Instagram and TikTok who are usurping the traditional space of entertainment journalists and professional film critics. The gripes have some validity in the idea that some who have cultivated a following on social media use that influence to peddle movies while not revealing that their influence peddling is based on the price of being given access to celebrities and the clout that comes with attending junkets and premieres. 

There is something despicable about not sharing the fact that you are essentially being paid for your opinion via access to celebrities. That said, let's not act like this is something new. For years, the entertainment journalism realm has been populated by many real, genuine reporters doing their job and a group of blow dried blowhards whose livelihood was derived from being given access to celebrities that they would fawn over and give free reign to sell their movies unchallenged by questions regarding their movies. Junket Whores or the more kind and less problematic label of 'Junketeers' have plagued the realm of film journalism since film promotion became a thing. 

Wherever there was a marketer selling a movie, there was a 'journalist' willing to offer a vast platform in exchange for the relationship, real or fabricated, with a celebrity. I know many fellow 'film critics' or 'film journalists' whose walls are filled with signed photos of them with celebrities. There is nothing wrong with being a critic and a fan but there is a line that can be crossed when you become friendly with actors or filmmakers and then have to assess their work. The price critics pay for access can, at times, be their ability to objectively assess the work in front of them. 

Myself, I love doing interviews with directors. This presents an ethical question, how can I be critical and have an effective, honest conversation with a filmmaker? I've drawn a particular, personal, ethical line. I will only interview a director after I have seen and liked their movie. On two occasions I've been given access to something that could be considered ethically questionable. Netflix has flown me out to a pair of Hollywood events, one for The Irishman and one for Marriage Story. Each time I was able to see the movie and then meet the stars and filmmakers. I ended up not writing about The Irishman because of the experience of being given the privilege of meeting Martin Scorsese, Robert DeNiro, and Al Pacino. 

I did end up writing about Marriage Story, twice, but that was only because I saw the movie first and absolutely loved and then was able to have a genuine moment with the actors and director Noah Baumbach afterward regarding my enthusiasm for the movie. When I love a movie, I want to tell the filmmakers and film criticism has offered me that chance a few times. But, as I said, there is a line there that when crossed it can affect your personal credibility. Did I like Marriage Story more because Netflix put me up in a hotel in New York City? It certainly didn't hurt my feelings. But I do believe that I shared honest opinions on that movie, I loved it and I would have loved it the same if I had not been gifted a trip to New York City just to see it. 

That's my opinion anyway. I've gotten away from what I intended for this article. My point is that this fight brewing between influencers and supposed real film critics is a very silly and needless bit of gatekeeping. It's gatekeeping born of insecurity and fear. Influencers are willing to do for free what many entertainment reporters have been doing for years, using access to celebrities to leverage a career. Before social media, reporters could get assigned to the Hollywood/entertainment/movie beat. They could leverage their position by gaining access to celebrities and use that to build clout and maintain their job. 

Find my full length article at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review Bottoms

Bottoms (2023) 

Directed by Emma Seligmann

Written by Emma Seligmann, Rachel Sennott

Starring Rachel Sennott, Ayo Edibiri, Havana Rose Liu, Ruby Cruz, Marshawn Lynch

Release Date September 1st, 2023 

Published September 1st, 2023 

Queer kids are horny too. This should not surprise anyone but our popular culture, our culture in general has tried to hide from this fact for, perhaps, the entire history of film. Queer kids in movies may have longings, they may have desires and even a love interest, but they are, more often then not, saintly, sexless representations of their community, sanitized for the protection of mainstream moviegoers, even the so-called allies who like the idea of supporting LGBTQ but aren't comfortable actually seeing that representation in its infinite variety on the big screen. 

This makes Emma Seligmann and Rachel Sennott's Bottoms a rather revolutionary new movie. Bottoms portrays a pair of queer, female lead characters whose libidinous desires drive the plot. If that's a problem for you, I suggest you skip movies like the American Pie franchise or Superbad because Bottoms, at least in terms of the frank depiction of horniness, is no different from those teenage, straight, male presentations of sexually active and desirous teens. 

But where those outrageous comedies play everything straight, pun intended, Bottoms starts from a recognizable reality and spins out to a broad story that satirizes the tropes of High School comedies while getting at the heart of the anxieties that drive teenagers, gay or straight. Much like the equally spiky 80s comedy of Heathers, Bottoms presents High School life as violent dystopic, minefield of social expectations while reveling in the catharsis that can come from stepping around the expected into a place that disrupts the norms with gleeful intent. 

Bottoms stars Rachel Sennott and Ayo Edibiri as best friends, P.J and Josie. Outcasts since kindergarten, the queer teens are hopeful that the start of a new school year can be a restart to their High School lives and personas. Both have crushes on cheerleaders that are destined to be unrequited but where P.J is willing to press the issue, Josie prefers a depressing long game that she lays out in one of the funniest monologues of 2023, punctuated by a perfect quip from Sennott's P.J for one of my favorite laughs of the year. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media

Movie Review The Equalizer 3

The Equalizer 3 (2023) 

Directed by Antoine Fuqua 

Written by Richard Wenk 

Starring Denzel Washington, Dakota Fanning, David Denman 

Release Date September 1st, 2023 

Published September 1st, 2023 

I was not ready for how astonishingly violent The Equalizer 3 is. In the opening scenes we see a parade of viscera, a series of dead bodies that have been wrecked and bloodied in a fashion that would shame Jason Voorhees. When we finally see the man responsible for this buffet of brutality, our old friend Robert McCall (Denzel Washington), he's being held at gunpoint but seconds away from murdering everyone in the room. In a scene punctuating moment, McCall picks up a shotgun and blasts buckshot into the backside of the main baddie as he attempts to crawl away. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media